Friends that you had to let go.

[SlingLow]

Someone mentioned losing friends to that death word. My x brother in law and I became friends after my divorce not that we weren't already before but just better. Prostate cancer got him and another long time friend fairly recently. Seems not as easy to make new friends around here these days.....

It definitely is harder to make friends not so much because we are older but because older folks aren’t involved in activities where people are gathered together.
Class rooms.
Employer break rooms
Night clubs and bars.
I know that my circle of friends is bigger because of this forum. We have been to each other’s places and worked on cars together.
The Mopar car club is another resource. I met a CB lot of guys there that resulted in some great scores on parts as well as friendships.

Sentiments that I share and one of the big reasons for buying my Slingshot a few years back. I joined my 1st ever forum and started participating. I thought correctly that it would get me out and about to meet new people. I have made several personal friends by going to events and meeting the people I conversed with online. In October I flew to Laporte, IN and one of the forum member friends I made loaned me his highly customized Sling and we rode for a week to Huntsville, AL and back with 7 other Slings for a rally at the Polaris plant. I have had forum members stay at my house and I have stayed with others at theirs. I feel like I accomplished my goal.

Now I've migrated to classic cars and landed on this forum. I feel like if I hang, and get the opportunity to meet some of y'all it will be the same. New friends having fun with a common interest. It's hard to do in your 60s.

Looking forward to sharing a road with you! Cheers!

 

[Cranky]

Sentiments that I share and one of the big reasons for buying my Slingshot a few years back. I joined my 1st ever forum and started participating. I thought correctly that it would get me out and about to meet new people. I have made several personal friends by going to events and meeting the people I conversed with online. In October I flew to Laporte, IN and one of the forum member friends I made loaned me his highly customized Sling and we rode for a week to Huntsville, AL and back with 7 other Slings for a rally at the Polaris plant. I have had forum members stay at my house and I have stayed with others at theirs. I feel like I accomplished my goal.

Now I've migrated to classic cars and landed on this forum. I feel like if I hang, and get the opportunity to meet some of y'all it will be the same. New friends having fun with a common interest. It's hard to do in your 60s.

Looking forward to sharing a road with you! Cheers!

How bout a pic of one of those Slings??

 

[SlingLow]

Here ya go.

Mine. Mostly stock.

The luggage racks I designed and sold.

Two of Harvey's highly customized machines in front of the Barber Motorsports Park and Museum in Birmingham, AL. Home of the largest motorcycle collection in the world at over 2,500. Cool place. If you get the chance, check it out.

Me and Harvey at a surprise (to me) stop at the Corvette Museum in Bowling Green, KY

Thanks Harvey/@bu11sh1t !

 

[kiwigtx]

 

[Kern Dog]

The one guy that I have commented on the most in this thread has actually shown signs of learning. In several instances through text, he has asked questions as well as passed along his own comments.
I was shocked by that.
Sometimes, people will surprise you.

 

[Kern Dog]

In the ongoing chapter that inspired this thread.....
The last two days, I helped out a friend that needed some assistance getting a parts truck he wanted for another project he has at home. He is cramped for space where he is and asked if he could park this truck at my place. I agreed.
He has very little towing experience so I offered to use my truck and trailer to go get it and haul it back here.
Without going into details that may bore you all to sleep, it took two days to do this.
During the two drives up to this place 60 miles up into the mountains, he
TALKED ALMOST ENTIRELY ....THE WHOLE TIME ABOUT EVERYTHING HE HAS EVER DONE, EVERYONE THAT HAS EVER GAVE HIM A HARD TIME, EVERYONE THAT HAS CHEATED HIM, OVERCHARGED HIM, TRIED TO SCAM HIM. I WENT HERE, I LIVED THERE, I OWNED THIS CAR, THAT CAR, I BONED THIS WOMAN, THAT WOMAN.....
While I tried to be as good of a friend as I could be and let him vent a bit.
No conversation should ever be extremely one sided where one speaks almost the entire time and not a single word from that person is a question about the other person involved in the conversation. **** that.
I called him on it a few times and he shrugged it off until the trip back today where I laid it on even thicker than the gentle hints that I made before.
I told him..."A conversation is not supposed to be 90/10 where one does the overwhelming majority of it talking. That is how this is. You have shown no interest in anything I'm involved in, any of my projects or anything to do with me." Why am I even here?"
This guy slowly started to understand but I may cut my losses here too. My circle of friends will continue to shrink if these are my choices. I'd rather have no friends than to have inconsiderate, clueless ******** like this in my life.

 

[Richard Cranium]

Sounds like a male version of ……

 

[moparedtn]

 

[Cranky]

View attachment 1553364

I know someone that I might try that on.....and offer it before they ask! There's a few that I don't talk to very often if at all after loaning them tools and then never returning them and then there are the ones that didn't want to initial a 'check out' slip when wanting to borrow something lol.

 

[Hey-O]

In the ongoing chapter that inspired this thread.....
The last two days, I helped out a friend that needed some assistance getting a parts truck he wanted for another project he has at home. He is cramped for space where he is and asked if he could park this truck at my place. I agreed.
He has very little towing experience so I offered to use my truck and trailer to go get it and haul it back here.
Without going into details that may bore you all to sleep, it took two days to do this.
During the two drives up to this place 60 miles up into the mountains, he
TALKED ALMOST ENTIRELY ....THE WHOLE TIME ABOUT EVERYTHING HE HAS EVER DONE, EVERYONE THAT HAS EVER GAVE HIM A HARD TIME, EVERYONE THAT HAS CHEATED HIM, OVERCHARGED HIM, TRIED TO SCAM HIM. I WENT HERE, I LIVED THERE, I OWNED THIS CAR, THAT CAR, I BONED THIS WOMAN, THAT WOMAN.....
While I tried to be as good of a friend as I could be and let him vent a bit.
No conversation should ever be extremely one sided where one speaks almost the entire time and not a single word from that person is a question about the other person involved in the conversation. **** that.
I called him on it a few times and he shrugged it off until the trip back today where I laid it on even thicker than the gentle hints that I made before.
I told him..."A conversation is not supposed to be 90/10 where one does the overwhelming majority of it talking. That is how this is. You have shown no interest in anything I'm involved in, any of my projects or anything to do with me." Why am I even here?"
This guy slowly started to understand but I may cut my losses here too. My circle of friends will continue to shrink if these are my choices. I'd rather have no friends than to have inconsiderate, clueless ******** like this in my life.

My circle of friends will continue to shrink if these are my choices.................. Friends, choices. Stop giving and see how long they're your friends. When you move, this problem will fix itself.

A young man, a friend, came by to pick up my scaffold, air staple gun, 4 sheets of 1/2 inch OSB and my dado blade, yesterday. He can have them, if I need them, I'll know where they are. Why would I do that, if I phone him and need something, all he EVER says is, what day and what time.

 

[Cranky]

My circle of friends will continue to shrink if these are my choices.................. Friends, choices. Stop giving and see how long they're your friends. When you move, this problem will fix itself.

A young man, a friend, came by to pick up my scaffold, air staple gun, 4 sheets of 1/2 inch OSB and my dado blade, yesterday. He can have them, if I need them, I'll know where they are. Why would I do that, if I phone him and need something, all he EVER says is, what day and what time.

That's the way it should be!

 

[68gtxman]

I bought this backhoe:

I keep it in a pole barn between my house and my neighbor’s. I gave him a key to it and told him to use it like it was his. He does. I trust him with anything because he takes care of everything like it was his own. If he breaks it, he fixes or pays for it. One day he called and asked me how I felt about Fix-a-flat. I asked him why and he said that my backhoe had a flat when he went to use it. He spent two hours trying to find the leak, after he removed the wheel from the backhoe entirely. We sprayed it down with soapy water and there were no bubbles. We put in a can of Fix-a flat and it’s been good for 6 months now. My point is that he attempted to fix it without even telling me there was a problem with it.

Why can’t more people act like this? This is how we were raised as well. Borrow something and return it better than when you got it. Even many of my own family won’t act like this anymore.

 

[Sahara]

As I get older and hopefully wiser I have adjusted my loan policy. Whether it be money or stuff it goes like this: if I loan stuff out it is with the expectation that I will never see it again. But here’s the catch: I only loan stuff to people that are close enough to me that I would just give them the stuff, free and clear anyway. Or if the value is so low that I don’t care if I ever get it back. That way it saves me keeping track of stuff and there is way less stress in my life. My friends always bring my stuff back, anyway.
There are two exceptions. I will not lend my chain saw out, period. And I better really love and trust you to lend out one of our side by side ATV’s. It’s WAY too easy for someone to bring either one back in pieces and say “Sorry ‘bout that!” or “I’m sure it was like that when I picked it up.” Chain saw or ATV.

 

[Kern Dog]

If I lend something, I expect it back. NO exceptions.
In construction, some guys would borrow something if theirs broke, then they'd buy one after work so you'd get yours back the next morning. Rarely did I ever lose anything. I loaned my lawnmower to a neighbor 20+ years ago and it was back in my driveway a couple of days later with a broken connecting rod. That asshole wouldn't answer the door after that.

 

[Kern Dog]

Back to the original theme of the thread....

3 months or more ago, I got into an argument with a guy that I've known for 41 years. Over the years, I've developed a greater bias to one side while he leans the other way. Most of the time, we have been able to avoid locking horns on anything political.
Over the years, he has made a series of really stupid life decisions. Divorced 3 times before he was 55, he fell in love again with a married woman that strung him along for 3 years to build her house that her family moved into....all with the bullshit hopes that she'd dump the husband....and she never did.
He lost most of his interest in cars and seemed to only want to go to bars, music festivals and meet bar skanks with daddy issues.
For at least 7 years, we have had almost nothing in common anymore. We used to hang out, work on cars, help each other with our home projects and go to all the car shows. He lost interest in most of that so there wasn't much meat left on the bone.

The argument of a few months ago seemed to end what was a dying friendship.
The wife and I met up with he and his 40 year old son at a restaurant and a subject came up. I made a statement that he didn't agree with and he asked me to explain. I suspect that he thought that I was making an unprovable claim and was pissed that I was able to back it up.
As I was explaining myself, he spoke up and tried to shut it down. I took this as him regretting asking me to prove my claim and felt that he was trying to shut me up.
Screw that. IF you're a friend and confident in your stance, you don't try to silence an opposing view.
Therein lies the problem..."IF you're a friend". Maybe he was already checked out at that point.
However.....because I do try to reflect upon myself and my actions to see where I might be wrong, I wondered if maybe he just saw me getting riled up and wanted to settle things down a bit. Maybe....
Regardless....
I let time pass for both of us to cool down but have called twice and texted 3 times with no response. He has been spending time with a new woman that lives 2 hours away and has a tendency to go single focus on a woman once he meets them so either he has checked out or is really lazy returning calls. I suspect the former and doubt the latter.

At this point, it isn't much of a loss since what he used to be, he isn't anymore. What he is now isn't much fun to be around anyway.

 

[Kern Dog]

Here comes another one....
How many of you know a guy that almost always has to point out a flaw or something he doesn't like about you, your house, car or anything?
I know a guy.....
Now, stepping back a bit, I'm trying to approach this with a reasonable level of understanding. I've wondered if my intolerance of late is some hidden self-sabotage to having friends. I have considered that subliminally, I could be too critical and actually looking for things to push people away. With that in mind, read on and give me your honest impression.
This guy....
A couple of weeks ago he asked for my help in buying and transporting a parts truck from some mountain home over an hour from here. He talked ALMOST THE ENTIRE TIME and never once talked about anything but himself and what he has done, what he thinks, where he has lived and who he knew. It took 2 trips to get this truck so there were 4 "in truck" sessions of over an hour each time. On the way there the second time, I had to interrupt to let him know that a conversation should be a sharing of opinions and experiences, not a 90/10 situation. He was shocked and surprised and defensive about it. I decided at that point that to get along with this guy, I just won't go on long rides with him again.
A week or so later, he is at the shop where I'm working with friends with their Mopars. One is a Coronet. The first time this guy met the owner of the Coronet, he points out a flaw he saw in the car. Today, I sent him a video of the car backing out of the shop. The guy comments that the backup lights weren't on.
Why? Why focus on a flaw? You think we didn't know that the flaw exists? What possible positive outcome could you expect from essentially being critical of another man's car when he knows every inch of the car?
My fat, worthless brother in law commented on the door alignment of my car when I drove it over to show my mom just after it was painted.
The land manatee didn't start off with Nice car, great body and paint, it sounds good or anything. It was just what happened here?
Now I know (or suspect) that these people are not trying to be rude but why is it that people are compelled to focus on a flaw rather than on the beauty?
Because of this, I'm not so eager to spend any time with this guy either.

 

[multimopes]

I dunno Greg. I think some people who aren't well versed on a subject or topic, just throw something up there that everyone could obviously agree with to try to kind of fit in. I mean, unless you are a masochist, most people would usually agree that pain hurts! Maybe some folks have a short attention span and their minds drift off a little during a conversation. In other words they are insecure and have to say something that is blatantly obvious. Well, I have a kind of funny story from about 50 years back. I was visiting a friend who was a corpsman in the Navy in Florida. It was a mixed bunch of civilians & Naval people at one couple's house. There was booze & some weed, etc.. Well, the one guy's wife had such badly blocked sinuses that she couldn't smell or taste anything. She had an x-ray of her blocked & infected sinus cavities. A great meal was consumed along with drinks & such. Well, after eating and some more smoking, drinking & such, someone mentioned just how great the aroma was from dinner & how great it tasted. Well, the congested women sadly said that she wished she could have been able to experience those things but due to her condition, she could not. So, someone who badly wanted to include her somehow, says "Well how was the texture?". Well, that did it, everyone there just exploded with laughter including the poor women. Laughed so hard damn near choked!
I don't know how this fits in as it is quite the opposite of saying a negative! All I know is that I will never forget it!

 

[Detective D]

Here comes another one....
How many of you know a guy that almost always has to point out a flaw or something he doesn't like about you, your house, car or anything?
I know a guy.....
Now, stepping back a bit, I'm trying to approach this with a reasonable level of understanding. I've wondered if my intolerance of late is some hidden self-sabotage to having friends. I have considered that subliminally, I could be too critical and actually looking for things to push people away. With that in mind, read on and give me your honest impression.
This guy....
A couple of weeks ago he asked for my help in buying and transporting a parts truck from some mountain home over an hour from here. He talked ALMOST THE ENTIRE TIME and never once talked about anything but himself and what he has done, what he thinks, where he has lived and who he knew. It took 2 trips to get this truck so there were 4 "in truck" sessions of over an hour each time. On the way there the second time, I had to interrupt to let him know that a conversation should be a sharing of opinions and experiences, not a 90/10 situation. He was shocked and surprised and defensive about it. I decided at that point that to get along with this guy, I just won't go on long rides with him again.
A week or so later, he is at the shop where I'm working with friends with their Mopars. One is a Coronet. The first time this guy met the owner of the Coronet, he points out a flaw he saw in the car. Today, I sent him a video of the car backing out of the shop. The guy comments that the backup lights weren't on.
Why? Why focus on a flaw? You think we didn't know that the flaw exists? What possible positive outcome could you expect from essentially being critical of another man's car when he knows every inch of the car?
My fat, worthless brother in law commented on the door alignment of my car when I drove it over to show my mom just after it was painted.
The land manatee didn't start off with Nice car, great body and paint, it sounds good or anything. It was just what happened here?
Now I know (or suspect) that these people are not trying to be rude but why is it that people are compelled to focus on a flaw rather than on the beauty?
Because of this, I'm not so eager to spend any time with this guy either.

Hard to judge based on just this, but...

I have known a few people that really didn;t have many friends. So when they had the opportunity to visit, everything they have on their mind for the last days, weeks, YEARS... comes out. They are so happy to have someone to share with they just keep going on, they are trying to unload.
Maybe that was this guy? Does he have lots of friends, is he a social type that goes out all the time with a bunch of people?

The negative comments may be some passive aggressive BS or may be some awkward attempt to start conversation. Again, does the guy have many friends? He may be very poor at that sort of thing. Or maybe he is a miserable type that has to compare his own life to whatever someone else is doing and wanted to downplay your stuff to make himself feel better about his lot. I have known a few "everything is a competition" types and I cut them loose, there is no way to reconcile with them unless "they win" every time, which means they are a braggart on top of it usually.

I would look at more than his immediate interactions with you and look at the guys situation in his social life to try to make sense of it. If he has tons of friends than he is probably a miserable person to hang out with. If not, he may be that socially awkward and needs some time to get more familiar with you.

 

[Hey-O]

"I've wondered if my intolerance of late is some hidden self-sabotage to having friends. I have considered that subliminally, I could be too critical and actually looking for things to push people away"........... You're moving aren't you. Sometimes people stand back and see things differently when they have one foot in and one foot out the door. Looking back is a lot easier than looking forward. Writing about it is good therapy. Years ago after a big loss, I wrote a book. I would write many pages and then go back and delete them when I got out of them what I needed. While cleaning up my computer, several years later, I found a few pages that I missed and I still have them...... Keep talking......... Friendship is the only beast, that never known to bite until it's dead.

 

[68BabyBlue]

Here comes another one....
How many of you know a guy that almost always has to point out a flaw or something he doesn't like about you, your house, car or anything?
I know a guy.....
Now, stepping back a bit, I'm trying to approach this with a reasonable level of understanding. I've wondered if my intolerance of late is some hidden self-sabotage to having friends. I have considered that subliminally, I could be too critical and actually looking for things to push people away. With that in mind, read on and give me your honest impression.
This guy....
A couple of weeks ago he asked for my help in buying and transporting a parts truck from some mountain home over an hour from here. He talked ALMOST THE ENTIRE TIME and never once talked about anything but himself and what he has done, what he thinks, where he has lived and who he knew. It took 2 trips to get this truck so there were 4 "in truck" sessions of over an hour each time. On the way there the second time, I had to interrupt to let him know that a conversation should be a sharing of opinions and experiences, not a 90/10 situation. He was shocked and surprised and defensive about it. I decided at that point that to get along with this guy, I just won't go on long rides with him again.
A week or so later, he is at the shop where I'm working with friends with their Mopars. One is a Coronet. The first time this guy met the owner of the Coronet, he points out a flaw he saw in the car. Today, I sent him a video of the car backing out of the shop. The guy comments that the backup lights weren't on.
Why? Why focus on a flaw? You think we didn't know that the flaw exists? What possible positive outcome could you expect from essentially being critical of another man's car when he knows every inch of the car?
My fat, worthless brother in law commented on the door alignment of my car when I drove it over to show my mom just after it was painted.
The land manatee didn't start off with Nice car, great body and paint, it sounds good or anything. It was just what happened here?
Now I know (or suspect) that these people are not trying to be rude but why is it that people are compelled to focus on a flaw rather than on the beauty?
Because of this, I'm not so eager to spend any time with this guy either.

Wow, I've lived with this for nearly five decades, in the form of my wife's younger brother. He is the absolute epitome of failure. Admitted to an ivy league school, attended for five years, never graduated, but piled up a ton of school debt in the process, defaulted on it, thus no credit the rest of his life. Lay around the house for a few years after, finally went to chef's school, did well, made a career in food service, when he wasn't out of work. I read an article a while back about the lives of people who get into the ivy league, but fail to graduate, and I'm not talking about the tech moguls who drop out to get their thing launched. Overall, these guys end up worse than a high school dropout, largely because of the student loan debt dragging them down, as well as trying to explain the employment gap when they start working.

This guy is the stereotype of the obnoxious prick who has a major inferiority complex, combined with an acute lack of social skills. He was never able to hold a job for much more than a year, because of the tendency to find fault with everything, and the inability to positively motivate anyone working under him. For years I would lock horns with him, after he would point out the virtues of his former school and his classmates, while downgrading the Penn State degrees my wife and I held, and the life we built. Of course when I called him on his crap, he would get hurt feelings, and I'd pay the price with my wife. In my old age and retirement, I'm finally gaining the wisdom to just keep my mouth shut and listen to it.

Fact is, he is acutely aware of his lack of social skills, but at 66, he's too old to change. If I wasn't married to his sister, he would never come within a solar system of my orbit. Greg, they live among us, and I think you are being prudent in trying to keep them out of your life.