Am I an unsocialable ***

I hear this allot from my wife but I can't help but think there are allot of guys like me out there. Her family celebrates EVERYTHING, all of the Holidays, everyone's birthday (even the adults) and countless other things. I hate sitting around "absolutely hate it" and it drives me insane to take one of the only two days a week I get off and drive 45 minutes to sit around and do absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong "unlike allot of people" I like my inlaws and like seeing them but give me a break. Recently I've been dealing with some back issues that has made sitting, driving, and standing still very uncomfortable so I've basically refused to go to anything that involves much of any of those "I'm lovin it". Am I an *** for doing what makes me feel better and avoiding what brings misery. As a result I've been getting so much done and my back has slowly started to feel better "that is until I have to drive somewhere, sit down or stand around".

I learned with my first wife that what The Bible says is true. "Forsake all others" is what it says regarding your spouse. In other words, your spouse and marriage comes first after God. Not trying to turn this religious....just giving my view and where it comes from. My wife and I are simply happy as larks to see no one and have zero company and not have to worry about socializing. I mean.....we do socialize on seldom occasion, but we never feel forced to.

My wife is very happy not doing much socializing. I have a family of 4 kids still living home . they are enough. I enjoy my car time. I travel a great deal and look forward to just easy home life.

We do the 2 major holidays but that's it except for the occasional get together just for the heck of it but even that has been years since doing that but when we do have it, it's at our place where I can control the situation. I don't even celebrate my own freaking birthday!! Might go out for a pizza and then eat some ice cream on a cupcake...maybe. Heck, one Christmas, we went to a huge family get together and all the kids were sick and running wild. I hardly ever get sick but I got sick right after that and it lasted for weeks! Don't know if I got something from there or not but the wild kids running loose was all I could put up with while their parents got drunk etc. Never went to another.

...My wife and her family are exactly the same to the T. I've only been married three years and at first it would drive me nuts having some function to go to every other time I turned around. Seemed I never got a chance to get anything done. After a while a few things started to settle in...One thing was that these people are genuinely good people and now days that's something that's getting harder and harder to find. People that hold strong family values and tend to think about others before themselves. Something as quaint as playing a couple rounds of cards with her folks or kicked back in a lawn chair for a summer BBQ and a cold one are some of the refreshing simple things in life that are worth more than a deadline on a car or 12 sweaty hours in the garage.

Another thing that settled in was seeing the joy and comfort my wife gets when being around her family. Would I want to take that away from her because my idea of better things to do is plumb wiring in a Plymouth or fire up the sled and burn up the trails all day? Regardless of all the family plans, I still find time to do what I want/need to, while making time for her and her wants in life. A marriage is a two way street. You have to give and take. In the end it boils down to what's really important in life. Take away all the material things you have and what would you have left......Family. Think about it that way...If you're thinking is the other way around and priority is found in just the material things, well i'm sorry..that leaves you with nothing...Some of the richest people I know are the poorest.

I'm no doctor Phil, but I would say try to involve yourself with her and her plans a bit more. Heck, plan something which involves all of them yourself. I took my wife and her family snowmobiling a while back. They all had a blast and can't stop talking about it. Took her folks for a summer cruise in the Coronet with the top down last summer. They were just sitting in the back seat grinning ear to ear like a couple high school kids as I just drove them around town. Looking back on life, those will be the things you remember...not the incidental material things.

I surely don't know the specifics of you situation, but I will say over time the wife has learned my subtle hints when I need my space. Giving her a cold shoulder or i'll pretend i'm not even hearing you gets me nowhere (besides an argument). Maybe layout what some of your priorities are and what you would like to accomplish and you guys can meet in the middle somewhere...

Just my $0.02..Good luck to ya.

Great words of wisdom Prop!
Are you sure you are't watching too much Dr. Phil? LOL

I know what you mean about having to sit around with a bunch of people that you don't otherwise spend a lot of time with. I'm not a party goer and quite content working in my shop with no one around! I do enjoy visiting my mom and friends but to be stuck in a situation where you have to go and make conversation is about the most painful way to spend a few hours.

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So if that's an unsociable *** then I guess I'm one of those too.

Guess I'm with Meep Meep.Everytime I open my mouth somehow I light the fuse on her tampon!Looks kinda cool!Fire shooting her ***,flying around on that broom LOL

Are you sure you are't watching too much Dr. Phil? LOL

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LOL.....Oh heck no. 5 minutes of watching that guy is too much.

In relationships and marriages you make compromises and do what the other likes even though it might not be what you enjoy. You do it for them and Dr Phil.. Errrrr I mean Dr Prop...LOL Propmiester is right about family and values. I just happened to be lucky as my wifes parents drove her nuts so she didnt want to be around them a lot...hahahahaha

No you are not anti social.. anti social would be hanging with them and letting them know you didnt want to be there and being a jackass at every chance given to act out. Then you would get banned for a small time and you would keep doing it until the bans got bigger and then final... that would be anti social behavior. ( ok a little sidetracked there..LOL)

Not enjoying hanging with the in laws is normal at first and kind of like drinking beer or tequila for the first time. You're not sure what to expect, dont really like the taste at first but then you get that warm glow that makes you feel good and you realize you like it.
It would be a better place to live if we broke bread more with our kin and neighbors more often. Or at least thats my take on life

I put my wife first in all things. And that is it. I don't put her family first or my family first, just her. And her family has a gathering every couple of months. All of them go. And I do mean all. Usually a house suited for a family of 4 will be crammed with about 45 people, and I can't stand it! I am not a people person to begin with. Don't like crowds, and don't like people. That being said, I totally ignored a family gathering her family had today. She wanted to go with her dad, so they went. I got to stay home and my wife totally understood. Besides a couple of the younger dumber members of her family, tend to spout off liberal speeches and knowing that I am very right-wing I tend to tell them where to shove it anyways lol. Usually less drama involved if I don't have to deal with them, and my wife accepts that.

The 2013 Hemi Reunion at Tri-State Raceway in Hamilton , Ohio happens the last Sunday weekend of August. The same weekend of our annual family reunion. I have inherited the duties of hosting my family reunion about 12 years ago. What's a guy to do? I have hired the old driver of the Hemi Cuda to race it for me and have hired a crew to sell fiberglass for me on Sat, and Sun. I will be there on Friday and early Sat. Family always comes first, Hemi Reunions, bad backs, boring, whatever, family comes first.

I put my wife on a pedastal............................





















...........so she can paint the ceiling.

my wife and i used to have to drive 2+ hours to see her cousins for Easter...out of 12 family members, only 2 sets live up there...the rest live closer to us. before we were married i would endure the trip, as they're not bad people and the food's good...however once we got married, i put a stop to it...unless they're willing to be fair and rotate the holiday (which they're not)..i wasn't going anymore..she was cool with it..and now that we have 6mos old twins...we ain't goin' anywhere...but i am like you, i don't like to talk to people..unless they're my good friends..
i prefer to sit home and troll craigslist for cars/parts/etc.

Just remember ,your Children are listening and watching,so what you do they will follow .so when they grow up,and gone and your home alone and none of them visit you,you,ll know why.i think weve lost the importance of family

mrkinger said:

Just remember ,your Children are listening and watching,so what you do they will follow .so when they grow up,and gone and your home alone and none of them visit you,you,ll know why.i think weve lost the importance of family

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So very true. I had a some good friends who's mom was not sympathetic at all. She would boast " I shoot from the hip"
Then later in life as we got out of school and had jobs and our own lives she would complain her kids didnt come see her much and didnt seem to care.... You reap what you sow ( soe?)

A happy wife is a happy life... It's far cheaper to keep her... I use to have to go to every family function & every holiday, always usually at my oldest sisters {I have 5 sisters & 2 brothers} place in Antioch Ca., that was fine when I lived down there, in Concord Ca., most all the rest of the family lived in the SF bay area also {until it all seemed to turn to liberals **** down there, most of us moved away}... But I only had family come to my place, just a few times now, mostly just recently too... I had by far the nicest house/place too, big pool, big house, big brick BBQ, pool table, basketball court, 2 wet bars 3600sqft, smoking room, 5 car garage {with quads, Motorcycles & Race cars}, backed upto the green belt area, etc. in Concord's nicer Turtle Creek area... It was alway a big chore, just to get especially "all 4 of the girls", dogs together, then Keith & James, then travel to some other family members damn cramped little house, with 20+ people in it... Now I don't, I did for 25+ years, prior to moving to Sonora... Because I said "screw all of them", they all expected me to always drive some dan place, sometimes 4-5 hr's each way or "fly somewhere" every other month up to Anchorage, Antioch, Santa Rosa, San Jose, San Pablo, Concord, Danville, Livermore, Orville, Paradise, Lafayette, Red Bluff, Redding, Reno, Pt. Magoo or Portland... "Screw that crap", I have far better things to do than that... I served my penitence, they can do all the damn holiday/birthday & reunion traveling, for some B-Day or Holidays, after 21st or there 50th B-Day, 75th or something really special, Birthdays are just a PITA... I finally put my foot down & said "no-more", I will do it at my pleasure now, Lisa has been long gone many years ago now, all the kids are all grown... About the only people that actually I see on a regular basis is my Aunt Joan 77 y/o & Uncle Ron 80 y/o {Pops sister & Bro-in law}, that have a big ol'house up here in Twain Harte Ca. they call their cabin...LOL {compared to their killer house in Danville, I guess it is a cabin}, it's up here about 11 miles from me, they come up from Danville Ca. in the SF east bay area all the time... Me, Buddy & Pops go over & play cards all day/night & pig out once a month or so at-least, dredge thru the snow in the winter & sweat our butts off in the 100*+ summers, in their non air-conditioned cabin... Then most the rest of the family, except my son James, he's always globe hoping with the Navy all over the damn world... I only here from the rest occasionally & usually only after I call, I make the effort, which suits me just fine, they all have their own lives to live... I've served my time, behind the wheel... tag it's your turn... If I was young, dumb & married, or Lisa still with us & had someone else to "have to please", it would be a far different story, I'm sure... I always wanted Lisa & the 4 kids, my neice Sabrina & nephew Keith I also raised, all to be happy, no matter what, that I personally had to endure or suffer thru & know all the immediate blood relatives/family, so I did it for many many years.... such if life, it was my responsibility & now I don't have to, they can all just come here... I hate going down to the dirty scummy freaken' over-populated, with way too much traffic etc., SF bay area, as long as I don't have to any more...... 747mopar, No I don't think your unsociable a$$, selfish or a bad person, at all...

My wife is usually pretty good about me not going to family disfunctions...I mean family functions. Her family has a BIG gathering about twice a year. All they do is sit around and get drunk, then somebody says the wrong thing and then a fight breaks out. She lets me spend time out in the garage and in return I will go with her to visit some of her family or when her dad comes into town. I'm not totally unsociable, I'll talk to anybody on the phone, even if i'm in the middle of something. My wife knows I will do anything for her and her kids plus mine, the extended family are on there own. My mom will call and ask me to come up and do stuff that she needs done and then she will try and pay me for the gas up there, I tell her don't worry about it, i'm still paying her back for all the things she's done for me.

Everyone here can sense how social I am. Aaaahem. Closest family is 3 thousand miles away. Trips to Florida to mom and dad are great. Linda goes back East a couple of times a year for a "fix" to visit the kids. Keeps them off of our doorstep and out of our wallets.

Wow, I think I need to clear a few things up #1 MY FAMILY ALWAYS COMES FIRST #2 we've been married 10 good yrs in which I've attended nearly all of the boring functions #3 I love my wife very much and we get along fine. I don't want anybody to get the wrong impression, I very much am a family guy just not everybodies family. One of you mentioned the kids not coming around when I'm old "learned from me" I don't agree at all, my dad was **** on by my moms family to the point where he wouldn't attend "anything" that is until they where in a fix and then guess who bailed them out "over and over again". He didn't come to much of anything but church, he was also the best dad anyone could ask for always putting everyone before himself even to this day. I built a house right across the road from my parents because I wanted them to be a huge part of my kids life + I didn't want to leave. I have become the fix it, maintain it and the go to guy for they're needs which is exactly the way it should be and I'm happy to be there for them. To my kids I'm the goof ball that plays Power Ranger Samuri, dances and plays the air guitar while they role they're eyes, drags them up the hills a million times while sled riding, takes them tubing on the lake, walks in the woods which they love and continually adds on to they're club house. If they don't come to see me it won't be a lack on my end, I love those kids to death and will do anything to make them laugh or smile. As far as the inlaws go, I love them and get along great with them. My father inlaw and brother inlaws all came down and helped me build my house and I've helped them build a garage, a house, sheds, fix roofs, etc I enjoy that and it's good quality time. Everysince I can remember I've always had to be accomplishing something "a day without some progress is a day wasted kind of thinking" don't no why that's just the way I am. So I like my "man time" which I've dialed back to Friday and Sat nights usually 7:00-12:00 in an effort to not neglect anybody. The family functions wouldn't be so bad if they didn't last 6 hours, when they are at my parents I hang around until everyone runs out of stuff to talk about and then sneak out to the garage. I'll admit my wife and I do lack allot of shared interest "she won't even humor me" I'll go home all excited about how a paint job turned out or whatever and she won't even come and check it out "doesn't care". That's a bit of a bummer when your 6 yr old daughter is the only one that gets it and appreciates it "she's already claiming the Charger and wants me to build the 1975 Torino for her". Budnik, I know what your saying "my father inlaw is a Democrap" fortunetly I'm a little more tuned into what's going on and win the debates and "no" I'm not exactly a Rep either. Thank for all of the replies