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Dave Walden ECS has passed on.

After I passed 50 years of age, despite feeling great and looking reasonably well, I have occasional periods where I worry about mortality. Illness. Death. The end.
I have lost family members that had a slow decline to the end. It has often been on my mind to ask them a question but I always felt that it was inappropriate.
I want to know how they feel, knowing that the end is near. Are they scared? Are they confused? Are they at peace? I hear about people like Dave and like Steve Juliano where they have diseases that have a low rate of survival and I want to know how they are but the situation is just so sensitive. How do you ask without adding to their grief?
I am usually a silly and obnoxious guy, often saying things that cross the line. You might think that I don't care about hurting peoples feelings but I do have respect for others. I would not want to add to a person's worries by asking but my own phobias about mortality makes me very curious.
 
I hear ya KD... my Daughter had just turned 30, my sister 49. My Daughter had a goal beyond trying to stay alive, to be an inspiration for others, David seemed to be of the same "track".
 
Sorry for your heartbreak.
Did your daughter develop a short temper or seem less tolerant than she used to be?
Not trying to hurt or insult anyone, I'm just curious.
 
Why I stated earlier in this that David having a brain tumor may have explained his temperament the past year or so. Trust me, if Jen's Ewing's Sarcoma hadn't taken her I may have strangled her in short time. The mental battle for her, and us, was almost as bad as the cancer.
 
Wow.....I hate cancer too. A cousin....a very good looking one if I may say so.....gave me my first fast to me ride in a 62 Cat with 389 Tri-power and 4 speed when I was about 12 or 13 and she knew how to row the gears too. She passed away from brain cancer quite a few years ago and I just couldn't bring myself to going into that hospital room just before she passed away. Lost a sister in law who was another car freak to bone cancer. Oh crap. Gotta stop. May they all be with the Lord!
 
Dont know you are. But may you Rest in Peace. And Condolances to the Family.
 
I became friends with Dave at the Nats with his White Challenger. Incredible talent and a really nice guy. His pursuit of perfection was amazing and rubbed some the wrong way which is understandable but I never had any issues. His RPM rust preventative is a gift to the hobby. RIP Dave.
 
Cindy said the business will continue as normal as Dave had a built a goood foundation for the business. The place is like a well oiled machine!
 
That’s good, I was looking at possibly picking up a set of their glass...
 
Their windshield went in probably one of the smoothest ones I've done. I think I had it installed in a half hour if that ! That was just the installation time. The old windshield was out prior to the car getting painted.

Their door glass matched the originals perfectly as well. Excellent stuff.
 
After I passed 50 years of age, despite feeling great and looking reasonably well, I have occasional periods where I worry about mortality. Illness. Death. The end.
I have lost family members that had a slow decline to the end. It has often been on my mind to ask them a question but I always felt that it was inappropriate.
I want to know how they feel, knowing that the end is near. Are they scared? Are they confused? Are they at peace? I hear about people like Dave and like Steve Juliano where they have diseases that have a low rate of survival and I want to know how they are but the situation is just so sensitive. How do you ask without adding to their grief?
I am usually a silly and obnoxious guy, often saying things that cross the line. You might think that I don't care about hurting peoples feelings but I do have respect for others. I would not want to add to a person's worries by asking but my own phobias about mortality makes me very curious.

KD,
This is kind of a convoluted response to your question, but bear with me.

I had to deal with this situation a while ago. My wife of 22 years came down with breast cancer, which we dealt with aggressively. Sadly, the nasty disease continued to to eat her up until there was nothing left - she only made it 3.5 years from diagnosis to gone. She was only 51. It gave me a LOT to think about. My take on your overall question, 50 is about when most of the folks I know recognize we are on the downhill slide, and it becomes more about how long I have left on this planet. My firsthand experience is the long slow progression of disease had some aspects that helped a little bit, but mostly were very difficult to deal with. I was well aware when we met that there was a lot of cancer in her family so it would not be a surprise to see it surface in her. That didn't make it any easier to deal with when it showed up, but it did allow me to deal with some grieving over a long period of time instead of getting blindsided by it. I knew it was likely this junk would show up, and I knew if it did, it was likely to not go well. There was no happiness involved to find out I was right on both counts.

One difficult aspect was a couple of tough and unpredictable discussions. She was not stupid, and was aware things did not look good moving forward. One of the most brutal conversations we had (brutal being my description) was when she told me after she was gone, if I should meet another lady, to not hesitate to be with her and be happy. This about turned me inside out. Here she was being ground up by cancer, and thinking about my future happiness. The other heart wrencher was when she was down to her last few weeks, to tell me the only upside to her disease was that the life insurance would allow me to retire early from a job that had become increasingly wretched as my magnificent company had been bought out by a mega-company that crapped up everything. She was right, I retired as soon as possible afterward, and after spending a few years of figuring out which end is up, have managed to move on to make my way through the world. I hit the love-lottery a second time when I met Nancy, who you met when we did the engine/drive-line swap.

So now back to your original question - how do I deal with a horrid health situation? You don't want to be rude/insensitive/nosy but would like to talk about it. Please, move forward in a gentle manner. One of the hardest things I had to deal with is friends who ghosted her because they were uncomfortable with any conversation. I would suggest being straightforward with those you wish to talk to, and be sensitive but not shy. Those in a horrid health situation know the drill. Having people walking on eggshells around them is not a good approach. Gently ask your questions, as well as other questions concerning their general thoughts, situation, and hopes. It's not an easy deal for anyone, but withdrawing from the deal doesn't have a good outcome. Nothing here is easy but those having to live it out will appreciate honest caring and conversation.

All the above us just my $.02, and YMMV for sure.
 
Oh man...I started getting welled up there because of your story. Thanks for having the guts and honesty to tell it. Bless you for standing by her and then having the strength to move on yet keep her in your heart.
I have lost several family members to the point that it is just my Sister and I and some extended family. I never felt comfortable talking with the soon departed about their fears of the end. It seemed like an impossible thing to approach without feeling really uncomfortable. It is clear that they know their fate but still, I'm wary of reminding them if they are enjoying a moment of happiness or just having a good day.
 
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