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For the humble FBBO members: Tell your embarrassing stories !

I thought I’d run out of stories, but reading a few of these has brought back memories. Here goes:
I’m returning from deer hunting, and am 500 miles from home. I’m at one of those massive truck stops that has several gas stations, hotels, and convenience stores. Fueling my pick up truck, I pass what I assumed was going to be a fart. It wasn’t. And let’s just say I fully committed to it...
Literally in the space of a few minutes, the time it takes to fill my trucks fuel tank, I become ill. Very, very ill, food poisoning. I’m starting to perspire heavily, I’m gonna barf, and I just crapped my pants. I can’t get back in my vehicle, because I cannot sit down in the mess. My seats would be ruined. And I’m gonna barf. So I leave my vehicle at the pump, and walk briskly to the nearest hotel. It’s getting urgent, I need to, ummm, fart again, and I’m gonna spew. I’m perspiring so heavily that I’m drenched. I go get a hotel room. Now I know if I throw up in the lobby there’s no way they’ll rent me a room, and certainly not if they notice my other problem. I’m literally clenching my cheeks and gulping back puke while I get checked in. Successful, I get to the room as quick as possible, and literally barf between my legs while sitting on the throne spewing from the other end. I clean up, run downstairs and move my truck from the gas pump to the hotel parking. After a few hours of purging like a volcano, it stops as if nothing happened.
One of the strangest occurrences of my life. I went from being healthy and happy to being very, very ill in the space of less then five minutes. Once my system cleared itself out, I was healthy again just as fast.
 
I woke up once all sweaty and dizzy. After a 20 minute toilet session, I regained composure. Who knew that the key to health was in my *** ?
 
Anyone that has met me or read my posts will know that I am outgoing and obnoxious sometimes. Call it "middle child syndrome" or whatever. I'll strike up conversations with strangers. It is fun to see strange reactions .
Many times I get working on cars then take a break to go to the 7-11 store to get a Big Gulp and a hot dog. Several times I encounter strangers that aren't too friendly but when I get back in to the truck, I see why. I've had grease or dirt all over my face, something in my teeth or a clump of something in my hair.
 
F26CB48E-04BF-4EDE-A3FC-6D4A34D57F02.jpeg
Jesus, Kern, are you sure that you aren’t my twin? I took this photo just now after reading your post. I’m about to go out in the shop and work on my Coronet, this is how I dress every day when I’m not going to a social function.
And I’m a middle child and will talk to random strangers, just for the hell of it. Generally hot women. I’m not trying to pick them up or anything, just chatting. If you have to talk to someone they may as well be beautiful. My daughter is aware of this, as I will frequently use her as bait. I think crazy looking guys (like me) are less threatening when they are accompanied by their normal looking children.
One time two years ago I’m accompanying her to her university, a few thousand miles away. We are boarded on our plane, waiting for take off. The three seats in front of us are occupied by three very attractive, very well dressed, mid thirties women. These obviously aren’t secretaries, they are executives. A guy in uniform, who turned out to be the copilot, is trying hard to pick up one of them. He is probably older, but looks to be about seventeen, and is getting nowhere fast. Definitely out of his league. But he’s not giving up. He is trying to talk to them about their supper. Not thinking, I blurt out “I killed my supper last night”, which was true as I had just shot a big elk.
Silence.
Everyone turns to look at me. My daughter is hoping that the universe will swallow her up so that she can get away.
Turns out that the three hotties were fascinated by the concept of harvesting healthy meat. I whip out my iPad with photos, and we pass a pleasant hour of conversation about the intricacies of harvesting food from the land. They ask many questions about how to cut, preserve, and prepare wild game. I very much got the impression that most of the men that they encountered in their day to day lives had man buns and carried man purses,, and they were intrigued to meet someone more primitive, and masculine. The copilot, realizing that his time here is done slinks back to the cockpit.
My daughter still talks about that one.
 
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That would be one of my nicer work shirts.
I seem to attract dirt and grease!
 
One time many years ago, my friend and I were doing a side job,repairing some ceilings and plaster walls in someone's house. I was up on a ladder painting the ceiling of the hallway. The bedroom had an entrance door on each end of the hallway. The door on the end of the hallway where I was painting was open about a quarter of the way. I just happened to glance into the room to see a topless woman,in nothing but her panties sitting in front of the mirror putting on her makeup, and at the same time that I saw her in the mirror, she saw me! Busted! She jumped up,put on her robe,and came over and shut the door! It was purely accidental, but I felt like a perv! Oh well, I went back to painting the ceiling! Lol!
 
I have accidently called my current wife by the name of my first wife....
Mary is so cool though. She knew by my expression that I was really sorry!
Hey, both names started with the letter M.
Ahh that's nothing, in my younger days in a vacation in Puerto Vallarta, I get romantic with my girlfriend at that time, then in the heat of the moment I call her by the name of my previous girlfriend, didn't end up well, in any way, my first case of blue...:bananaweed: you know what I mean :gay:
 
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I was walking down a busy street one day with my best friend. It was summertime and a smoking hot babe in short shorts was coming our way. We both were staring at her which she noticed and gave us a big smile. As she passed us, we both turned our heads to check out the rear view. She turned her head and was watching us check her out and still smiling. At that moment i walked right into a telephone pole, smashing my head. I just remember her and my friend laughing their asses off!!!
 
I thought I’d run out of stories, but reading a few of these has brought back memories. Here goes:
I’m returning from deer hunting, and am 500 miles from home. I’m at one of those massive truck stops that has several gas stations, hotels, and convenience stores. Fueling my pick up truck, I pass what I assumed was going to be a fart. It wasn’t. And let’s just say I fully committed to it...
Literally in the space of a few minutes, the time it takes to fill my trucks fuel tank, I become ill. Very, very ill, food poisoning. I’m starting to perspire heavily, I’m gonna barf, and I just crapped my pants. I can’t get back in my vehicle, because I cannot sit down in the mess. My seats would be ruined. And I’m gonna barf. So I leave my vehicle at the pump, and walk briskly to the nearest hotel. It’s getting urgent, I need to, ummm, fart again, and I’m gonna spew. I’m perspiring so heavily that I’m drenched. I go get a hotel room. Now I know if I throw up in the lobby there’s no way they’ll rent me a room, and certainly not if they notice my other problem. I’m literally clenching my cheeks and gulping back puke while I get checked in. Successful, I get to the room as quick as possible, and literally barf between my legs while sitting on the throne spewing from the other end. I clean up, run downstairs and move my truck from the gas pump to the hotel parking. After a few hours of purging like a volcano, it stops as if nothing happened.
One of the strangest occurrences of my life. I went from being healthy and happy to being very, very ill in the space of less then five minutes. Once my system cleared itself out, I was healthy again just as fast.
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
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My constant companion, she sits with me while I write this. She sleeps on the red Mexican blanket in the background.
Maybe remind her previous home, she looks healthy, beautiful, and FAT!!! am glad that you found her, now you know that no matter what she's gonna be with you for the rest of her life.
Thanks man, this world needs more people like you.
 
A couple of years earlier I was in another part of London, working at an IBM Training facility. As an electrician, I was quite often performing work in empty classrooms, and occasional general maintenance tasks in the building. One day I was in the lift, going to a small job with a colleague...so we were chatting away as usual.

A woman gets in the lift at the ground level with us, and hears us talking. Must have heard my Kiwi accent.

She turns to me and asks "Where abouts are you from?"

I replied "The basement."

Silence. :)
Just like my grandpa, every time I try to talk to him goes like this, in Spanish of course:
Me
Hey dad, how are you?
Grandpa
Am sitting
Me
Ahh ..what's going on
Grandpa
Am sitting talking to you over the phone...
Awkward silence
Me
Ahhh...
Grandpa
Let me get your mom so you can talk to her...
Me
Ahhh thanks...
44 years and counting like this... he's 87 btw
:lol:
 
My first attempt at changing points was like that. I took the old ones out and put the new ones in and didn't know that you had to "gap" them.
 
Without going into too much detail....I have also done that.
With a gf previous to my wife ...she was giving me a goodbye BJ in the back of her car, as I was flying out home later on.
Without any warning, I had the most violently loud and dry fart imaginable exit me, as she was going down.
Vinyl seats and and that fart made for an incredible sound. I couldn't stop laughing...and needless to say that was the end of the entertainment on that occasion. :D
BJ, you blew her away with an *** bomb.
 
I thought I’d run out of stories, but reading a few of these has brought back memories.
Me also. :lol:

When I was a 3rd year apprentice, I was offered a new house to wire up for a local hardware Store owner. It was in a newer part of the suburb, so it was a great opportunity to get more future work. Turns out the house is only about 300 metres from where I now live.

Anyway, I was busy working away alone in the new house one Sunday afternoon (this is about 1985) when I got this almighty powerful urge to take a dump. It was bad...real bad. As the house was only about 80% finished, the plumbing was not connected, and hence no toilets. So, in desperation, I searched around for a suitable place to 'lay a cable'. In the garage I found an old paint can with a lid, sitting in the owner's trailer - which was filled with rubbish ready for a trip to the local refuse station. I grabbed it, opened it up, and felt that would be suitable. After relieving myself, and filling the can, I put the lid on and buried the can under some old sheets on that trailer.

About an hour later, the owner turns up to potter around and tidy up. After showing him where I was up to, he carried on tidying up some stuff. Then he goes to the trailer, and starts rummaging around. I wasn't sure what he was doing, but it soon became apparent. He was going to do some painting, and needed a smaller can to clean up his brushes.
BINGO....he found 'my' can. :eek:

He opens it up to see what was inside, takes a sniff, and turns to me without saying a word. But if looks could kill....I was in trouble. He shut the lid, put it back on the trailer, and left.
I didn't see him for a few more days.....but when I did....silence again. :rofl:
Absolutely true story....the guys I worked with thought it was priceless.
 
:fool: there was this one time, in band camp :lol:
 
Ahh that's nothing, in my younger days in a vacation in Puerto Vallarta, I get romantic with my girlfriend at that time, then in the heat of the moment I call her by the name of my previous girlfriend, didn't end up well, in any way, my first case of blue...:bananaweed: you know what I mean :gay:
That is easy to flip! Tell her that it was the third time you did it and that you are convinced that she doesn't pay attention to you during sex. Demand to know who she is thinking of.
 
That is easy to flip! Tell her that it was the third time you did it and that you are convinced that she doesn't pay attention to you during sex. Demand to know who she is thinking of.
:lol::lol::lol:
Aahhh.... am not that stupid bro, women ALWAYS find a way to make you feel like everything is your fault,
 
Many years ago at the now defunct 75-80 Drag-a-Way in Monrovia, MD, I was bracket racing the '71. I pulled around out of staging lanes onto the right lane and put it in reverse to back up a little before cleaning/warming the tires. Just as I started to back up, the track personnel signaled for everyone to hold still as they checked the starting line for any debris/oil from the previous pair. That only took a few seconds and they waved for us to go ahead. Of course, I forgot I was still in reverse. It was a little humiliating when I went to do a burnout and the car shot backwards. Fortunately, I caught it before I went through the fence.
 
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