Doctors Confirm Life After Age 35 Is Just Endless Cycle Of Dieting And Back Pain Until You Die

Richard Cranium

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U.S.—According to medical professionals, people turning 35 years of age enter a new phase of life characterized by an endless cycle of dieting and back pain until the merciful release of death.

"When we released our findings, everyone over 35 said 'duh, we knew that already,'" said 35-year-old researcher Ryan Fowstein. "So I guess science has confirmed what everyone already suspected." Fowstein then shrugged his shoulders but did it in a weird way that caused his neck to instantly get stiff and his back to spasm. "OW, MY BACK!"

According to the study, once the body has been alive for exactly 35 years, it also forgets how to metabolize and digest food, forcing the subject to begin trying all kinds of diets to lose 10 or 15 pounds. The subject will then rediscover bread and cheese and gain all the weight back, over and over again, forever and ever.

Researchers hope the study will help individuals resolve to make better health decisions—which they will later break before finally resigning to their eternal fate.

Fowstein and the other researchers celebrated the conclusion of their study with a pizza party, which unfortunately led to 3 more weeks of indigestion and heartburn as well as back pain for some reason.
 

Hilljack68

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Well, at 54, I have places that hurt that 20 years ago I didn't even know were places.
 

dadsbee

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The 'ol class 3 aviation physical, gotta love them?
Yep! My Doctor is also my best friend.. so he generally skips the internal stuff, especially if I ask his receptionist/nurse to put some romantic music on when I walk in...:lol:
 

QOTHL

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According to medical professionals,


Who are usually full of shit and are in lousy shape themselves.

people turning 35 years of age enter a new phase of life characterized by an endless cycle of dieting and back pain until the merciful release of death.

I call BS on this - it doesn't apply to everyone. And no offense to the OP RC, this is a stupid article and doesn't take a lot of things in to consideration.
 

Budnicks

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Yep RC

albeit I feel better today than I did 10 years ago
not all that physical construction work or racing
(leaning over or laying on the ground, in weird positions or driving
'endlessly' across the country, that didn't do my back/lower neck any favors
)
& the stress of working, especially a physical job like construction
keeps you in shape, but it takes its toll too...
Or running a couple of companies or the employees, making payroll etc.
the stress or "lack of it" helps you heal, mentally & physically

I see it too much in my father
I'm sure glad I didn't self-abuse myself 'for decades' like he has

enjoy your retirement Mark :bananadance:
 
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66 Sat

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Who are usually full of shit and are in lousy shape themselves.



I call BS on this - it doesn't apply to everyone. And no offense to the OP RC, this is a stupid article and doesn't take a lot of things in to consideration.
Umm I think RC makes these articles up himself or gets them from a source - it's called satire, or in Australia "taking the piss".
 

Richard Cranium

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Who are usually full of shit and are in lousy shape themselves.



I call BS on this - it doesn't apply to everyone. And no offense to the OP RC, this is a stupid article and doesn't take a lot of things in to consideration.



It's parody.
 

Xp29h

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May be a parody but the back pain is real! Screw the dieting!
:lol:
 

1STMP

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Who are usually full of shit and are in lousy shape themselves.



I call BS on this - it doesn't apply to everyone. And no offense to the OP RC, this is a stupid article and doesn't take a lot of things in to consideration.
Agreed. It's not the years, but how hard you
were on the chassis.
 
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