Ever had a funeral you didn't want to attend???

[Cranky]

I'm there.....for a long time friend that just wouldn't take care of himself with diabetes that spanned 30+ years. Not going into detail because it would be lengthy but was always there for him. He was in a health care facility recently that got him on the right track after two episodes in a hospital after 2 mild strokes but he wanted to be home after several weeks where he would not let any health care people allowed inside of his home. Hate to make this racial but when I went to his daughter's funeral a few years ago, he was sick and I attended and just about everyone looked at me as I shouldn't be there as everyone was black. Never felt so unwelcomed to be anywhere in my life. Don't want to turn this racial, but my friend was black and we got along great! I even worked for him at the refinery for a lot of years and many, many liked him! Just don't know what I might do if I get the cold shoulder again showing up for another....black funeral. I want to remember him as we were.....great friends and not remember racism from his family.....and some others! I just want to remember him as we were.....great friends!

 

[69Bee]

Screw the "Lookey Loos", if you were good friends, then that should be enough. If you don't go, you might regret not going.

 

[Kern Dog]

Ever had a funeral you didn't want to attend???​

Yeah...My own!
An all black funeral may feel weird. I sometimes wonder how it feels for a black guy to be the only one at an all white gathering. It would be natural to feel a little out of place. Me? I'd probably tough it out if I were good friends with the guy. Some of the people there may not understand why you are there but YOU know and I'd hope that most attendees would see your appearance as a respectful gesture.

 

[dadsbee]

Too many times....

 

[72redbird]

Your there for him, not them. Sounds like you guys were great friends.

 

[gtx6970]

Screw the "Lookey Loos", if you were good friends, then that should be enough. If you don't go, you might regret not going.

This ^

 

[Kern Dog]

I have mixed feelings for the newer trend of calling funerals "Celebration of life".
Yeah, I understand why people go this way but come on...a person is dead and I miss him/her. I don't want to laugh and cheer, I'm feeling sadness at the loss over here.

 

[dadsbee]

Unfortunately one day you'll understand it....

 

[Kern Dog]

I understand it, I just don't fully agree with it.
I've had parents pass, siblings and friends. I've seen plenty.

 

[68-500]

Did you have a lot of friends in common? If so maybe go as a group if not, why bother nobody will know who you are if you go and nobody will miss you if you don’t. Say a little prayer be done with it see him on the other side.

 

[Runcharger]

It's respect between you and him. What anyone else thinks doesn't matter.

 

[kiwigtx]

I have been to more funerals than weddings.....sad but true.

My FIL's funeral last year was not fair. He worked damn hard all his life from age 13 and deserved more years to relax in his retirement than he got.

 

[Sam69sat]

Sorry to hear about your friend. Is blackface is out of the question? Know any makeup artists?

 

[Budnicks]

My Mom's, I wish I didn't look in the open casket, now
when we paid respect
I'd have liked to remember her in a different way, than her last days
I was a poll barer too...
Seeing my stepdad broken/weak was really hard...

Most my family has chosen to be cremated

My Granddad, he was an Engineer VP for Shell Oil for over 45 years
it was hard to take, most the family showed up,
it was a big deal at their church, & then back at my Aunts home...
My Grammie was more a "celebration of her life" (my dad's parents)
Again at my Aunt Joan's house...
I didn't go to the church services...
she asked;
"that no one wear black & we have a BBQ party & not a wake"
they both were very religious too
she always enjoyed them family gatherings
we complied, even if we were sad,
but;
also we all knew it was only a matter of time
she was sick for years, & suffering

My Uncle John (Pete), died of complications of/from Viet Nam, he was only 39,
supposedly he was one of the last ones off the embassy roof, Lt. Green Beret
his heart just stopped...
I inherited his GG1 68 Barracuda Formula S 383 4bbl 4 speed fast back,
he bought new...
I didn't have a clue I was getting it, the family wanted me to have it, I was shocked
they new we were a lot alike, we both were car nuts, for MoPars, fast cars
he was like 10 or so years older than me, sort of a mentor, a good male figure in my life...

My Aunt Joan is 90 now, living in a senior assisted living, Danville Ca.
she's still doing OK, but...
My Dad is 88 now, he's lived with me since he was 68,
after him being trapped by the snow blower up at the cabin, almost killed him
nearly froze to death... I wanted to get him down farther off the mountain...
I'm dreading them 2, it's only a matter of time...
Neither is really healthy, both have had heart problems, both 'were' heavy drinkers
they lived a much tougher life's, until they were much older...

My Uncle Ron's
Aunt Joans husband, great man & great father, sort of a surrogate father to me
he was an Engineer for Chevron/Standard Oli for 40+ years
I didn't go, I was out of town on work

Been to a few of my friends funerals too
a couple died really young, Rick 19, from a crash after a party,
drove into a rock embankment side of the road drunk, off hwy 193
got out started to walk, died on the side of the road, a bit away from his car
that was shortly after HS
Another one died of alcohol abuse/alcohol poisoning,
he literally drank himself to death, sad ****
a girlfriend left him for someone we all knew, wasn't part of our bunch...
His family were not friendly at all, got the eagle side-eye'd from a bunch...
His dad came up to me & thanked me for coming, he knew it would be hard/tough...
I sort of understood it, they lost their son/brother etc....
I just needed to pay my respects anyway...

 

[Richard Cranium]

Sorry to hear about your friend. Is blackface is out of the question? Know any makeup artists?

View attachment 1887099

This would be better.

 

[AR67GTX]

I had just the opposite issue - as good a close friend as I’ve had, from work died of underlying issues and covid complications in early days of the Wuhan Red Death. His wife had unexpectedly passed a couple years before and they had no children. Never got to visit him in the hospital, no visitation, no funeral service, as far as I know not even an obituary here as all his family lived elsewhere. Five years later and I still feel a sense of lacking closure.

 

[Southbranch]

You are honoring a friend, hold your head high.

 

[Detective D]

All of them, at this point.
I have an excellent memory. It's not photographic, but it is similar. There is a word for it but I would butcher the spelling anyway. I can basically watch videos of things in my head all the way back to when I was 3 years old.
When I was a kid, and going through school? HAHA, man, just memorize whatever and school was easy. Served me well going into technical work also.
But as I grew up I also lost family. First my Grandmother when I was 13. My Grandfather a couple years later, my older brother, then my other Grandfather, on and on. Seems as though once I lost my Great Grandfather at age 7 it was just a non-stop string of family going into the ground every couple years. My Grandmother when I was 13 was the first one that really stuck with me, both because I was close to my Grandparents and because of how things went and maybe i was just old enough then for me to realize what ws going on in more depth...
And then I have to remember it. I mean, I HAVE to. In vivid detail. Like I am there. My Father's Ma, I had an older cousin, oldest daughter of the oldest Aunt, lived up the road from Grandma, basically lived there all summer, she was 20 when Grandma passed. This burial service, they didn't lower Grandma down, they just had the service. My cousin, as I am walking away, just, lost it, almost a desperation like she didn't understand because it did not end it for her. It was not closure without that for her. I can sit here and listen to her voice cry out "they didn't even put her in the ground!" This of course made my own mother burst into tears....
I can sit next to my Grandfather as he squeezes my hand at my older brothers funeral, he was just openly weeping so much he couldn't see as we sat there. I can see him, I can hear his voice. I can relive it like I am there. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN.

So now that I am middle aged, I have spent the last decade purposefully pushing things down and forcing myself to NOT remember. And sometimes I just avoid things like this altogether. If I am not there to experience it, I won;t need to try to block it out. This memory turned into a curse as I got older.
So unless I or family or friends actually need me to go for closure, I try to avoid them.

Well, time to go find something to distract myself so I can go to bed later. No sense going right now.

 

[Hey-O]

It's respect between you and him. What anyone else thinks doesn't matter.

X2. I just bought a new suit yesterday, my last one.

 

[Chargerjase]

Just go and pay your respects. Since when is your personal relationship with somebody anybody else’s business? I would engage with the family, even if they are a bit standoffish. They will see you are the real deal and accept you as a true friend, I am sure. Funerals are a tough time for everybody and emotions run high. Don’t take it personally.