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Man Spends Half His Salary Paying For All The Manly Tasks He Can't Do

Richard Cranium

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FORT WAYNE, IN — Local man Garrett Benton has officially spent half of his annual salary paying other people to do the manly things he wishes he could do himself.

"There's an actual dollar amount that expresses what a lousy excuse for a man I am," said Mr. Benton, looking at his bank statement. "And it's a huge number. I'm literally paying to be utterly emasculated. The shame!"

According to his wife, Mr. Benton's descent into embarrassing weakness first began with paying to have someone else mow the lawn. "He gave some excuse about the dollar amount he could make at work versus what it cost to have the grass cut, but all I know is that's when I stopped respecting him as a man," said Mrs. Benton. "It just snowballed from there. He pays for oil changes, landscaping, fixing doorknobs, and even money management. It's humiliating."

Though currently unable to look at himself in the mirror, Mr. Benton states he is on the road to redemption. "The other day, I replaced the staples in the stapler instead of buying a new one - and it was so empowering!" said Mr. Benton. "One day, I'd just like to be able to make eye contact again with my father-in-law. I haven't looked directly at his face since the day I called him to chase a mouse out of the garage. It's been a long seven years."

At publishing time, Mr. Benton had regained a small modicum of manliness after burning the crap out of a steak instead of having a steakhouse cook it for him.
 
Posted to this "1968 -1970 Mopars" forum?
 
As always, hidden in the humor are nuggets of truth.
I wasn’t trained but I have learned how to replace faucets and toilets, change out electrical outlets, paint walls and do many other things unrelated to my chosen career. Being a classic car guy meant that I had to learn how to do a lot of things if I wanted to get them done within my income level. That carried over to home repairs as well. My brother in law isn’t great with cars but is handy at home maintenance and repairs.
 
Funny it sounds like my brother in-law, My sister and build alot of different things and paint. All I can say is my brother in-law is a great cook. And I mean he can cook.:lol:
 
As always, hidden in the humor are nuggets of truth.
I wasn’t trained but I have learned how to replace faucets and toilets, change out electrical outlets, paint walls and do many other things unrelated to my chosen career. Being a classic car guy meant that I had to learn how to do a lot of things if I wanted to get them done within my income level. That carried over to home repairs as well. My brother in law isn’t great with cars but is handy at home maintenance and repairs.
My artistic, intellectual dad did all this stuff until he beat the system and became a tenured professor. We had money for vacations because he didn't hire outsiders for home maintenance. I started working on cars because that was the one item he never got into.
 
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We have a friend like that. Guy's in his mid 70's and you still have to tell him "righty tighty - lefty loosy". He calls a friend to change a light bulb - NOT JOKING !!!

A couple years ago they moved and he organized "his" shed. He opened the door to show me and it was - and I'm not joking - packed floor to ceiling and flush to the door. I asked him where his (few) tools were and he said "bottom left corner".
 
He sounds like someone that would buy a pre-built car instead of building one himself.
 
The top of his head does not show in the picture... Does he do his own man bun, or pay for that too?
:lol:
 
Sad but true! The next generation does not know what end of a screwdriver to hold,and has no interest in learning! Mike Rowe says there are 7 million able bodied men between the ages of 26 to 54 that don't want to work! No up and coming trades workers to replace those who are retiring. For every five who retire there are only two who replace them. I tried to tell my kids that everything I can show them how to do,they won't have to pay someone else to do it for them,no takers!
 
I tried to tell my kids that everything I can show them how to do,they won't have to pay someone else to do it for them,no takers!
More importantly, they would and will be able to charge others just about as much $$$$ as they want if they do it for them too.
 
I've been a carpenter/contractor for over 50 years and fixed my vehicles when needed. Did plumbing and electrical for myself and others and made a decent wage.
Remodeled many homes and businesses, did more than I can remember.
I can say, he only time I hired someone else was to have my home plastered, and not the cal coat or drywall!
The real deal with lath and plaster!
that man was a good friend who I had worked on many homes with.
Mine was the last one he did as he passed away shortly after.
I have no sons to pass along any knowledge and that sucks!
so, I agree, the kids today don't want to learn!
ruffcut
 
I've held a lot of jobs in my life of 67
years. There's not a single one I didn't
approach with the same attitude that
my father instilled in me.
Excel at what you do. Wether it's
picking walnuts, working at a turkey
processing plant, a potato distribution
center, hanging sheetrock, owning a
restaurant, designing powerline
equipment, transit busses, military
combat vehicles.
Young'uns today are dumbed down
by present school systems.
Ambition, patriotism, work ethics,
family values, and respect, are
traights slipping away.
 
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FORT WAYNE, IN — Local man Garrett Benton has officially spent half of his annual salary paying other people to do the manly things he wishes he could do himself.

"There's an actual dollar amount that expresses what a lousy excuse for a man I am," said Mr. Benton, looking at his bank statement. "And it's a huge number. I'm literally paying to be utterly emasculated. The shame!"

According to his wife, Mr. Benton's descent into embarrassing weakness first began with paying to have someone else mow the lawn. "He gave some excuse about the dollar amount he could make at work versus what it cost to have the grass cut, but all I know is that's when I stopped respecting him as a man," said Mrs. Benton. "It just snowballed from there. He pays for oil changes, landscaping, fixing doorknobs, and even money management. It's humiliating."

Though currently unable to look at himself in the mirror, Mr. Benton states he is on the road to redemption. "The other day, I replaced the staples in the stapler instead of buying a new one - and it was so empowering!" said Mr. Benton. "One day, I'd just like to be able to make eye contact again with my father-in-law. I haven't looked directly at his face since the day I called him to chase a mouse out of the garage. It's been a long seven years."

At publishing time, Mr. Benton had regained a small modicum of manliness after burning the crap out of a steak instead of having a steakhouse cook it for him.
Thanks for posting this, Richard.
Us old guys are pained by the events
of today. Self reliance is losing it's
potency.
Asking for help to deal with a mouse?
I've no words.....
 
More importantly, they would and will be able to charge others just about as much $$$$ as they want if they do it for them too.
IF, these guys that can't do anything have the skills to earn a decent income.......
 
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