Teachers comments from NY

[R413]

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

 

[Xp29h]

If your son’s brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose!

actually heard it! Not to me either!

 

[w.Hudson]

One of my favorites.....

"How do you fit so much stupid in such a little head ?"

Or

"Did you eat a big bowl of stupid for breakfast ?!?"

 

[Sahara]

My personal favourite, that I wrote describing a friend of my wife:

If she had half a brain she would at least have half a brain.

 

[1968rt]

Somehow I doubt this is true! The board of education is so politically correct teachers would be scared to write anything like that. Sounds like a typical " bad New Yorkers" rap

 

[Ranger16]

I too find that very hard to believe in todays politically correct environment.
That said, It IS funny.

 

[Pikser]

I should have kept some of the things the nuns said about me !

 

[33 IMP]

It wasnt stated that they were recent, only true. I can see teachers saying that.... 50 or 60 years ago!
Today every kid gets a prize.... for successfully breathing.

 

[1968rt]

50 or 60 years ago true. Today kids are pampered. They might get their feelings hurt. Nothing straightens a kid out like a good kick in the ***!!

 

[NJRR]

Somehow I doubt this is true! The board of education is so politically correct teachers would be scared to write anything like that. Sounds like a typical " bad New Yorkers" rap

My wife was a teacher in the NY school system and my late father-in-law was a teacher and principal in the system ( all 30-60 years ago). They both always said how there were very strict rules and guidelines to follow. If teachers said/wrote those comments, even back then, they would get in trouble.

 

[Dave6T4]

My parents thought I was going to be an astronaut. Teacher told them I was taking up space in class.

 

[MarPar]

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

 

[Photon440]

Reminds me of an employee evaluation report list I've seen:

Maybe It's Time To Seek Other Employment...
The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual performance evaluations:

• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
• "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
• "I would not allow this employee to breed."
• "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
• "Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
• "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
• "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
• "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
• "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
• "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
• "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts the better."

These, on the other hand, are reported to be actual lines out of OER (Officer Efficiency Report), which are performance appraisals for the military.

• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
• Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
• A room temperature IQ.
• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
• A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
• A prime candidate for natural deselection.
• Bright as Alaska in December.
• One-celled organisms out-score him in IQ tests.
• Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
• Fell out of the family tree.
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
• Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• He's so dense, light bends around him.
• If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
• One neuron short of a synapse.
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
• Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
• Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
• Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

 

[RedBeard]

Here is a couple I have heard over the years:

= A rock collection has more brains than you.

= If I put what you have for brains in a mustard seed, it would still rattle.

 

[Sebring]

If your brains were made of dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow the wax out of your ears

 

[Xp29h]

I forgot this good one... was in the class again when I heard this... hmmm why was I in all these classes?


To a student that turned in an afu assignment..

Teacher: “Say pop”
Student: “what”
Teacher: “I said, say pop”
Student: “pop”
Teacher:”good, now that your head is out of your ***, go back and do it right”

 

[Dana]

An old friend of mine was at the feed mill with his dad when he was young. His 2 brothers were at home. When the guy behind the counter asked about the kids his dad replied “well I have to pay Eustice and Jimmy to be good, but Jack here is good for nothin”