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CAR KEYS Subject: CAR KEYS -Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the...

Alabama A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back...

>A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.> They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.> Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly> noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the> woman acted...

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat", agreed to look after and house her neighbors' male dog while they were away on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart. As she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed...

A husband takes his wife to play her first round of golf. The wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how...

Marriage Humour Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' ------------------------------- Wife ...

Brothel Trip An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 'I'm 90 years old,' he says. '90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 'Oh, sorry,'...

Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we...

Bran Muffins The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and...

Costume Party -- HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take...

Marriage is like a deck of cards.................... In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end .............. you'll wish you had a f____ing club and a spade.....

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom. When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over. 'What happened...

MY PRIVATE PART DIED A man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.' Knowing her patients were a...

OLD people have problems that you haven't Even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the...

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the Congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold...

A man owned a small farm in North Dakota. The North Dakota Dept of Fair Labor Practices claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the Agent. "Well," replied the...

men in earrings Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men? >> >> A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is > wearing an >> earring. >> >> The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and > is >> curious about his sudden...

Subject: That Sheer Nightgown A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee as a surprise present for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most...

Now we are headed in the right direction. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000...

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales...