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There is certainly one time you should N O T give 100 % ..... when you're giving blood.......

Marriage is like a deck of cards…. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond….. By the end , you wish you had a club and a spade !!!!

I just got a new car for my wife...... I thought it was a good trade !!!! Do you know what the good thing is about a drinking brake fluid addiction ?? You can stop anytime.....

If you wake up Christmas morning and find two long red stocking legs and black boots dangling from inside your chimney.... You are about to strike it RICH !!!!!! Just imagine everything that is up on your roof !!!! (Undelivered, like the Post Office !!!!) Not to mention the sleigh, itself...

7) Hang Up and Drive.... 6) Honk if you love peace and quiet.... 5) Keep honking while I reload..... 4) There's too much blood in my alcohol system..... 3) Smiling is the second best thing you can do with your lips.... 2) Friends help you move, Real friends help you move bodies...... 1)...

As the title says : Can anyone pick me up, please ?? I asked my doctor, two weeks ago, what I could do this winter to stay healthy.... He told me I needed to walk five miles a day.... So I said, " O. K. "..... But now, I am 70 miles from home !!!!!!!

As mentioned, will someone please take this off my hands for FREE ??? I keep throwing my boomerang away.... Farther and farther.... And it keeps on coming back !!!!!!

Women only call me Ugly until they find out how much Money I make.... (Then they call me Ugly and Poor...) I broke my index finger last week.... On the other hand, I am okay..... How does Moses make his coffee ????? Hebrews it.... What did the pirate say when he turned 80 ...

So my six year old son walks in on his mommy after she had just stepped out of the shower last night.... He points straight ahead and says, "Hey, mommy, what's that?". My wife replies, " That's my sponge." My son then says, " Huh, the babysitter has one just like it, and last night she was...

I just met this new woman, just in time for Valentine's Day... Some women like dogs, others like cats, she likes bunny rabbits. She asked me what I like most about bunny rabbits? I responded, " I like the way they multiply... I like math." She then asked me what my favorite type of bunny is? I...

What did the 14 year old REDNECK girl say when she lost her virginity????? "Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes."

Blonde girl walks into the dry cleaners with her favorite blue dress and there is a stain on it. She shows it to the girl behind the counter, and asks her if it can be taken care of. "No probwem," she sais, "We fix it... see ya' Thursday.... ten dollar." The blonde girl turns to walk out. Girl...

As we get later in life, I guess it is inevitable that we all get a little flabbier around the middle. That's why you are reading this now -- you agree..... Well, sometimes, we have to change our life style..... So yesterday, I went to the new fitness place that opened up near me.... and they...

1. If it is correct that "Crime Doesn't Pay", why don't we let the government run it??? 2. Did you hear the story about the broken # 2 Yellow Pencil?? (There's no point to it.) 3. My grandfather didn't believe in Flying Saucers until we went to the local diner last night. A brilliant...