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Told his grandson that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle some gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did it religiously, and he lived to be 97. When he died, he left behind 14children,27 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

For anyone that has septic,lol.

Turned up the other day, I know this is what some of us live with! Honeymoon trip from Ohio to Oceanside, Calif in 1970. Check out the price.

The reason the different services bicker among themselves is that they don’t speak the same language. For instance,take the simple phrase “secure the building “. The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody...

Talked an old school buddy this a.m. It seems a local school district had 2 failed school levies of 11mil each. In process of doing an entirely new football stadium and the CEO of a nationally known& well-liked performance shop offered to pay for everything(for naming rights,natch). They wanted...

‘Back in the day’..Old memories.

The police stopped an old man in questionable condition. “What are you doing out so late,sir?” the policeman asked. “I’m going to a seminar on the harmful effects of alcohol”, the man replied. “Right,” said the officer sarcastically. “Who would hold this seminar at this hour?” The old man...

When I was about 5yrs old a bear told me that I was the only person who could prevent forest fires. I’m still wondering why I’m the only one.

Just watching old B&W movies. Who of you remember Harold Russell of NovaScotia in ‘Best Years of our Lives’? One the best movies ever made!

Sunday went to wife’s side reunion. Visualize this- an 84yr old AF B-47 mechanic, 69yr Marine E-4(yeah,me), 64yr retired Marine Major & late 50yr retired Coast Guard Commander. The 84yr old had a 40yr old can of Japanese beer from the Bridgestone golf tournament at Firestone Country...

Went to do a few push-ups this morning, didn’t see the mouse trap! Uhhh.

A woman caught her husband on the scale,sucking in his stomach. “That won’t help you,Joe” “Oh it helps,he said. “ it’s the only way I can see the numbers!” I wish my mouth had a backspace button. Slept like a log last night.Woke up in the fireplace. I’ll never forget when it hit me that I was...

Me: I want to divorce my wife. She spends every night prowling through bars and pubs. Lawyer: Is she looking for someone in particular? Me: Yeah,me.

Just thought I'd post this-----https://youtu.be/MtsPFkTbP1Y?list=FLPIKmyb-IXYyUsTlYIds1dQ

Hope this works,,

Looking for thoughts from the "old guys"..I was in a tow truck off&on during this crap. Ran into a van on a hill during the height of it at about 15mph. Saw a body fall sideways, they were using the van to push against another car that couldn't get up the hill. Broken pelvis, anyway I got to a...

Just got an x-ray on my screwed up left knee.

See the haze- open burning I thought was illegal anymore? Ah well who cares, smells good now and 'back when' it was legal!!!

Ok here's the formula that works . Spray bottle, 2cups hot water, 1cup vinegar, 1/2 cup liquid soap. Put it in bottle in that order so there's no foam from the soap building up while pouring, then you can shake away. The little buggers hate it, if they rollover on their back one more squirt does...

Two five yr. old boys are standing at the potty to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!" "I've been circumcised." the other one says. "What's that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off the end." "How old were you when it was cut off." "My mom said I was two days old." "Did...