Answering maching messages for when you're bored.

[Photon440]

WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
But we're not home right now, so leave a message at the tone and we'll
assimilate you later.


Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets.

Hello. This is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for
repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)


Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Hello, this is KVKE, you're on the air!

Hello, you're caller number nine!

(Very fast) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait
for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press
pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If
you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for
extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave
your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle,
press 1 twice, talk loud and (BEEP)

Ello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your name and
number and prepare to die.

This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and
number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is
'supercilious'.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know
who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain.
Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one
of them will get back to you.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid
talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out
by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test
1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? (BEEP)

(Rod Serling imitation) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without
time -where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a sign
post up ahead; this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have
reached 'The Twilight Phone'.

Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your
touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch
tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone
phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way
to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System.
This is only a test.

I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone
now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm
doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's
NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so
confusing.

The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new
number is 226-0477. Please make a note of it.

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this
is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for
literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for
this initial consultation, however our staff of professional extortionists will
contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and
to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the
sound of the tone. Thank you.

(Klingon voice) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.

You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message
after the beep.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If
you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution,
you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi, I'm probably home. I'm just screening calls to avoid someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

 

[67 Power Wagon]

Some of those are priceless............LMAO