Few jokes for ya

[Adam Nathan]

I was visiting my daughter the other day when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. My 'know it all' daughter sarcastically laughed and said "this is the 21st century, we don't waste money on newspapers, here you can borrow my laptop" Well I can tell you now, that fly didn't know what the hell hit it !

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How do you know who loves you more your wife or dog, leave them both in the back of the car for 2 hours whilest your in the pub and when you come back see who is the happiest to see you.

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I bought the wife a Sheepdog fur bra. She says 'will that keep my Tits warm?" I said, "No, but it'll round em up & point em in the right direction

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Americans Jeff & Jim are Siamese twins joined at the hip. They walk into a bar in New York & order a couple of beers. Barman serves them and asks "You guys been on vacation yet?" "We're off to England next week" says Jeff "We go every year." Barman says " England 's great; the culture, history, the Queen. " Jeff replies "We don't go for that ****, it's the only chance Jim gets to drive the car."

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I put a Porno in the DVD player, sat down to watch and it was just a picture of a fat bloke with his cock in his hand. Then I realised I hadn't turned the telly on !

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If ur lover is overweight. Get them to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles in the evening. By the end of the week the fat bastard should be 42 miles away

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I had a dream last night. I was getting a blowjob from the blonde one from ABBA. I only woke up because his beard was tickling my balls!

 

[Adam Nathan]

I was sent to prison and I said to my cell mate, "I won't be in here long."He replied, "Well the judge did give you 6 years.""Yeah I know, but I think my wife will break me out, she's never let me finish a sentence before."

 

[hawkeye]

I bought the wife a Sheepdog fur bra. She says 'will that keep my Tits warm?" I said, "No, but it'll round em up & point em in the right direction. I heard about a bra called Rawhide, it rounds them up and heads them out.

 

[Lowhound]

Finally!!!! Someone has some good jokes that I havent heard before . Funny stuff.