Guy Weaving Through Traffic Awarded 1st Place Trophy For Getting To Off-Ramp 15 Seconds Ahead Of You

[Richard Cranium]

Guy Weaving Through Traffic Awarded 1st Place Trophy For Getting To Off-Ramp 15 Seconds Ahead Of You
May 3, 2023

ONTARIO, CA — History was made today as the guy weaving in and out of traffic ahead of you on the freeway was awarded an impressive 1st place trophy after he arrived at the offramp a full 15 seconds before all the other cars he impatiently swerved around.

"I feel really proud of this momentous achievement," said Brent Larson after pulling up to the stop light a few seconds ahead of the other cars. "Those other losers were just going too slow. I've gotta get off the freeway, man! Now look at me — I'm sitting here at the red light at the bottom of the ramp, and all those cars I passed are stuck staring at my tail lights. Suckers!"

Larson credited his overly aggressive driving and wanton disregard for roadway safety for his astounding ability to arrive at the light one-quarter of a minute ahead of other motorists. Drivers of the vehicles Larson passed seemed oblivious to his accomplishment. "Yeah, he doesn't seem very patient," said Ken Rawlings, who drove at a respectable speed and arrived at the same place only a few seconds later. "But, hey, if it makes him feel like he did something impressive…yay for him, I guess."

Larson was undeterred by the lack of enthusiasm from his fellow drivers. "They're just jealous, man," he said. "They wish they were the ones who got here at the same offramp stop light at virtually the same time after those sweet driving moves I put on display. Ha ha! Whatever, losers!"

At publishing time, Larson reportedly arrived at 7-Eleven with plenty of time to spare so he could get his Flamin' Hot Cheetos and Monster energy drink.

 

[Don Frelier]

And when he causes a 4 car accident tomorrow it will be a big mystery since he's "such a good driver".

 

[chargervert]

The worst part of my 12 hour work day is driving to and from work! People drive like complete and total douche bags! I get cut off atleast a half dozen times each way, then there are the fast and furious wanna be clowns and the full on road raged morons duking it out in rush hour traffic! Not to mention this time of year the Darwin award nominated jackasses on motorcycles flying in and out of traffic at triple digit speed with shorts a tank top and no helmet on! If you accidentally take one out because of his reckless driving you end up with blood on your hands!

 

[Kern Dog]

This is funny.
I am often THAT guy. I am impatient and often impulsive. At least half the time, my efforts result in me getting through a light when the others get caught in the red light.
When I drive, I’m looking to get somewhere or just enjoy the experience. I’m not looking to get the best mileage or to drive slow.

 

[Don Frelier]

This is funny.
I am often THAT guy. I am impatient and often impulsive. At least half the time, my efforts result in me getting through a light when the others get caught in the red light.
When I drive, I’m looking to get somewhere or just enjoy the experience. I’m not looking to get the best mileage or to drive slow.

I thought you just wanted to get there before all the good junk is gone?

 

[Kern Dog]

I thought you just wanted to get there before all the good junk is gone?

I picked up a few things today too. Mineral spirits and cleaners.

 

[patrick66]

Drove 22 miles across town yesterday to run an errand. The highest speed limit was 65. ALL of the traffic was going 75 - 80 and faster! And all was traffic with maybe a car length separating others. Then, a cop got on the freeway and really jacked things up. Now, traffic was doing the accordion thing, going from 20 to 80 and back for about four miles, until the cop took an exit. Now, traffic was doing 80 again.

Side streets? Every single traffic light I came to, had at least two, and sometimes four or five, red-light runners! It's nonsense like this that keeps me from driving my old cars these days. It pisses me off to no end. I'm not sure what has come over the population, but courtesy and courteous driving got kicked out the door for the majority, it appears.

Street and freeway construction is everywhere! I really feel for the road workers. It is not a job for the feint of heart.

Maybe I'll sell all my ****, move to Florida to one of those old-fart communities, buy a hot-rod golf cart and say "piss on it all!"...I'm sure there is golf-cart road rage amongst the retired "get off my lawn" crowd, too, I guess.

 

[PeteyDaMan]

I find I lose patience in traffic sometimes. The NYS thruway in the morning will typically run t right around 80, which is fine as long as slower traffic stays to the right.....which they don't.
I see a lot of people stay in the far left lane, usually riding along side trucks in the center and right lanes, to cause a massive log jam.

those folks need to get tuned up with a tire iron

 

[chargervert]

I had a lady in an effing Prius with an effing Biden/Harris bumper sticker on it in the car alone, wearing a mask,going 30 mph in the high speed lane!

 

[Budnicks]

Like idiots in line/traffic for a toll booth, at a bridge crossings
switching lanes all the damn time, then coming up to a toll gate
the exact same time as you
all while you are waiting patiently in the same lane
& not acting 'the fool' or the type-A asshole/s,
usually the cause of it, causing everyone to break constantly,
making for more congestion
everyone trying 'not to let/leave any space between them',
for those very ********...

I'm so glad I don't live within 75+ miles of any freeway (or inner-shitty)
or ********/commuters...
'for going on, some 18+ years now'

 

[pwDave]

This is funny.
I am often THAT guy. I am impatient and often impulsive. At least half the time, my efforts result in me getting through a light when the others get caught in the red light.
When I drive, I’m looking to get somewhere or just enjoy the experience. I’m not looking to get the best mileage or to drive slow.

I used to be THAT guy, then, I bought a 1958 dodge flat fendered power wagon, 230 cuin flathead six, 106 hp, 5.83 gears in a 5700 lb truck!! a whole 45 mph top end, comfortable at 37-8, the truck that will teach you patince, and drrive the people behind you beserk!! nobody ever messed with me because they knew anybody nutty enough drive a truck like that will be armed to the teeth!!! Dave.

 

[WileERobby]

What ? that's a typical New Jersey idiot driver.

 

[1STMP]

Welcome to Houston, where driving
on the freeway rivals any NASCAR
event.
Sight seeing along the way.
A 300lb + woman standing naked
beside a car pulled over to the
shoulder arguing with whom I
presume was her better half.
Some things just can't be unseen.
God knows the circumstance.