it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one;

[306Doba]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet, ' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.


The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly properly and be
serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

 

[1969CoronetR/T]

I like the first three

 

[sublimegtx]

:laughing11:

 

[roadrunnerman]

Those were funny as hell. I'm gonna read them to some friends of mine.

 

[Roadbird]

That is really funny. LMAO.

 

[tpodwdog]

when i gradumatated (lol)...from high school in 1982...i wanted to fly in the air force. i go to the recruiting office only to be told"...SON, YOU NEED 4 YEARS OF COLLEGE TO FLY OUR JETS ". but he told me i could fix them if i wanted to....hmmmmmmmm. ...i believe my response to that was..." you are telling me that i need 4 years of college to pull levers and step on pedals to fly a jet.....but i can put those pilots lives in my hands by being a mechanic ??? makes perfect sence to me . i left the office and became a carpenter. LMAO .

those were funny by the way !

 

[Mesopic]

Thought some of you might like this
A plane came into my work a few months ago.
The pilot had reported that the left engine cut out when the right magneto was turned off.
After many hours of fiddling we where unable to find anything wrong, so we took the plane
and get her engine run, still no evidence of any magneto problems. For some unmemorable
reason we did a magneto check on the right engine, we found that the magneto on the right
engine, left side was in fact dead. The plane was fixed simple enough problem. Pilot was asked
when he came to pick up aircraft what engine was the problem he respond with the left engine.
Boss pointed at the right hand engine do mean this one. Yes said the pilot. That is the right
engine said the boss. 1/2 hour to fix the problem, 2 hours spent chasing non existent fault.
Life lesson, NEVER listen to pilot.

 

[eagleone1983]

Being an avionics guy I've seen some pretty funny and ridiculous write-ups in aircraft forms. Too bad we would get in trouble responding like that in official forms. I like the IFF doesn't work in the "OFFicial" position. I've seen that one a few times. As far as the auto pilot write up that can be checked on the ground using certain support equipment.

 

[Finallygotmine]

when i gradumatated

Well if you gradumatated, you must be edumacated!! LOL