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Massachusetts

Pistol Pete

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This week, it's time to go drunk driving with the Kennedys in Massachusetts, so let's get started...

Massachusetts became the 6th state on February 6th 1788, thereby stripping Pennsylvania of its coveted "hardest state name to spell correctly" title.

The state flag of Massachusetts consists of a white field emblazoned with a fat senator waving a gin bottle while driving off a bridge.

The state motto of Massachusetts is "The Yankees Suck!"

The state flower of Massachusetts is the gin blossom, which makes Ted Kennedy's face a protected state wilderness area.

The highest point in Massachusetts is Mt. Greylock at 3500 feet. It was recently re-named "Mt. Whitelock" after it successfully defeated a Balrog.

Massachusetts was nicknamed the Bay State because its large native population of werewolves spend a lot of time howling at the moon.

The word Massachusetts is a Narraganset Indian word meaning "Tribal elders say ok. Squaw can marry squaw".

Massachusetts has a population of 6 million people, all of whom have a harder time pronouncing the letter "R" than a busload of Japanese tourists.

The state song of Massachusetts is "The Theme From Brokeback Mountain".

Actor Jack Albertson was born in Malden, Massachusetts, and was best known for playing Grandpa Joe in the original version of "Teddy and the Whiskey Factory".

Salem, Massachusetts was the site of the infamous witch trials of 1692, where over 50 women were burned at the stake for weighing the same as a duck.

The first subway system was built in Boston, Massachusetts, in 1897. The subway cars were originally propelled by lashing an Irishman to the front and dangling a potato in front of him.

The town of Franklin, Massachusetts was NOT named in honor of Benjamin Franklin, as most people think, but rather for the token black kid in the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special.

The city of Rockport, Massachusetts contains a house that's built entirely out of old newspapers. Visitors are requested not to jump to any hasty conclusions regarding why the toilet is made out of the New York Times.

The birth control pill was invented in Worcester, Massachusetts, and proved to be even more effective at preventing conception than attending a Star Trek Convention dressed as a Klingon.

Boston, Massachusetts takes its name from an Irish word meaning "crime-ridden cesspool".

The first Thanksgiving was celebrated in 1621 after the sword Excalibur was pulled from Plymouth Rock by Arthur, King of the Pilgrims.

Why, yes, I *was* watching "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" while reseaching these fun facts.

All the Founding Fathers threw tea into Boston Harbor during the Boston Tea Party on December 16th, 1773, except for John Hancock, who was busy writing his name in the snow in letters large enough for King George to read without his glasses.

Massachusetts was originally settled by the cast of the British TV show, "Survivor: Plymouth".

Massachusetts is currently engulfed in a brutal civil war between Dunkin Donuts and Krispy Kreme over which is the "One True Donut".

The Massachusetts tourism slogan is, "Man, woman, goat - whatever - if you can fit it into a wedding dress, you can marry it here."

On this day in 1985, Ted Kennedy successfully drove over a brige without killing anyone.

Well, technically he ran over a homeless guy, but that doesn't really count.

Soldiers from Massachusetts are the most feared of all American fighting men, since - being true Patriots - they always defeat their enemies with a last-second field goal.


Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish getting this goat into a wedding dress. :hehe:


h/t IMAO
______________
 
:headbang: :laughing4: :icon_jook::icon_jook: :sign10: :rolling: Awesome, been waiting for this one.
 
Thanks, I was waiting for that.


Waaaaay to much of that is so true...

- - - Updated - - -

Hope you don't mind me adding this in:

Coming to Boston?



Here is a guide to Boston:

The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End.
This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South End.
North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.

Harvard Bridge
The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge via Massachusetts Avenue is commonly known as the Harvard Bridge. When it was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named for Harvard.

This is all true

Information on Boston and the Surrounding Areas:

There is no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, and no water on Water Street. Back Bay Boston streets are in alphabetical awddah: Arlington , Berkeley,
Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc. If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you are on Beacon Hill. If they are named after poets, you are in Wellesley.

Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave. Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave.
South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End. East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End. The West End and Scully Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Burree, Jamaica Plain is J.P.

How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly (Say it wrong and be shunned).

Worcester : Wuhsta (or Wistah)
Gloucester : Glawsta
Leicester: Lesta
Woburn: Woobun
Dedham : Dead-um
Revere: Re -vee-ah
Quincy: Quinzee
Tewksbury : Tooks ber ry
Leominster : Le-min-sta
Peabody: Pee-ba-dee
Waltham : Walth-ham
Chatham: Chaddum
Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set, but nevah Summerset!

Definitions:

Frappes are made with ice cream; milkshakes are not.
If it is carbonated and flavored, it is tonic.
Soda means CLUB SODA.
Pop refers to DAD.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for TONIC WATER.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
If you paid more than $7/pound, you got scrod.
It is not a water fountain; it is a bubblah.
It is not a trashcan; it is a barrel.
It is not a spucky, a hero, or a grinder; it is a sub.
It is not a shopping caht; it is a carriage.
It is not a purse; it is a pockabook.

They are not franks; they are haht dahgs; franks are money used Switzahland.

Police do not drive patrol units or black and whites; they drive a crewza.
If you take the bus, your on the looza crooza.
It is not a rubber band; it is an elastic.
It is not a traffic circle, it is a rotary.
"Going to the islands" means going to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket.

The Sox = The Red Sox
The Cs = The Celtics
The Bs = The Bruins
The Pats =The Patriots

Things not to do:

Do not pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They will tow it to Meffa (Medford
) or Summahville (Somerville) .
Do not sleep on the Common. (Boston Common) Do not wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.

Things you should know:

There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, and two Hancock buildings (one is very old; one is relatively new).
The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weatha:
"Solid blue, clear view."
"Flashing blue, clouds due."
"Solid red, rain ahead."
"Flashing red, snow instead." (except in summer, flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out!
Most people live here all their life and still do not know what the hell is going on with this one.
Route 128 South is I-95 south. It is also I-93 north.
The underground train is not a subway. It is the T, and it does not run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).
Order the cold tea in China Town after 2:00 am; you will get a kettle full of beer.

Bostonians: think that it is their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic.
Bostonians: think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no Rs, except in idear.)
Bostonians: think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
Bostonians: refer to six inches of snow as a dusting.
Bostonians: always hang a left as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
Bostonians: believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
Bostonians: think that 63 degree ocean water is warm.
Bostonians: think Rhode Island accents are annoying.

We'll have a test later...
 
576629_489168481148114_1352764177_nsmall.jpgwow guess I don't spend enuf time eating lobstah in your side of the state, even I didn't know all those. BTW did you know there is life west of 495 :)
 
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