satman72
Well-Known Member
- Local time
- 11:57 AM
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2012
- Messages
- 2,499
- Reaction score
- 1,447
- Location
- Stoney Creek, Ontario
Subject: Let's Tick Everyone Off.....
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear
of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not
eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the
wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope,
you're still black'.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!
A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'
'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for
you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at
the moment.'
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But
since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works
best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with
her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going
to take that.'
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa . He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up
and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb ****!
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the
curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they
wanted the name of a country?
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the
correct answers.
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone
off is a piece of cake.
"It would be a great reform in politics if WISDOM could be spread as
easily and as rapidly as IGNORANCE.".
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear
of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not
eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the
wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope,
you're still black'.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!
A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'
'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for
you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at
the moment.'
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But
since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works
best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with
her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going
to take that.'
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa . He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up
and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb ****!
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the
curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they
wanted the name of a country?
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the
correct answers.
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone
off is a piece of cake.
"It would be a great reform in politics if WISDOM could be spread as
easily and as rapidly as IGNORANCE.".
