- Local time
- 12:27 PM
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Messages
- 74,077
- Reaction score
- 286,254
- Location
- New Hampster
Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'
'Pension sex?'
'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, He lets out this ear splitting yell.'
'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.' 'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session,
'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. Insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary
The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting You a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'
'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' '
WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.' He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'
'Pension sex?'
'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, He lets out this ear splitting yell.'
'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.' 'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session,
'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. Insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary
The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting You a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'
'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' '
WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.' He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
