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- May 14, 2011
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Ed's gonna tell a story again. This one is true and I still think it's one of the funniest things I've ever experienced in this life.
The situation: About 20 years ago, in my dad's old farmhouse out here in the countryside of Tennessee. It was a typical 4 room house, arranged in a square with a centrally located fireplace.
Out behind the house was a pump house, wood shed, etc.
Side note: We get a lot of black snakes out here in the hills. They hang out pretty close to humans, too - wherever they can find food (mice).
Pop lived there with his 2nd wife (my evil stepmother at the time). Pop was a Tennessee boy born and bred; she most certainly was not, all citified and prissy.
Ok, here we go...
Early one morning, I had come over and Pop and I were sitting at the little kitchen table drinking coffee and trying to wake up. His 2nd wife had gone out to the pump house for something and things were pretty quiet...that was, until we heard her scream from out there.
Before he or I could process that, here she came in the sliding glass back door at full speed, screaming and waving her arms frantically - and right behind her was a rather large black snake, also at full boogie and obviously pissed off.
She flies past us and is in the next room before we could even figure out what was up....
Now, remember the layout of the joint. As she tries to outrun the pissed off snake, she proceeds to start doing laps around that fireplace, running circles through the 4 rooms, snake right behind her trying to bite her.
She's still hollering and the snake is still hissing and striking....
I look up at Pop like "well, THERE'S something you don't see every day..."
He looks up back at me like "oy".
Both of us retain our rather stoic demeanor and for a moment, nothing was said.
It would have been something to see I'm sure - she losing the race to the snake while Pop and I didn't so much as move a muscle, like this sort of thing was routine and nothing out of the ordinary on a typical morning.
Meanwhile, evil stepmother and snake are completing what must have been their 4th lap by that point - and she's running out of gas quick.
Finally, Pop looks back over top the newspaper he had in his hands at me and says "well, I guess we should do something, huh?"
"Ok, Pop, I got it" I muttered. I slowly got up, went out the back door and grabbed a flatnose shovel leaning against the house and came back in.
Next lap, she goes flying by and I jump in front of the snake and slap that shovel down in front of it.
The snake, being a snake and pissed off and all, immediately starts striking at the shovel...
I walk him slowly backwards towards the open door, him hissing and striking, me moving the shovel slowly back.
Finally got the snake outside the door and grabbed the sliding glass door, slung it shut.
The snake, not being done yet, then begins hitting at the door, but eventually tired of the whole affair and slithered back to the shed...
I propped up the shovel by the door and sat back down at the table, where Pop hadn't moved a muscle or even so much as lowered the newspaper to watch. Neither of us still hadn't broken our "morning demeanor" at that point and I grabbed my coffee and resumed drinking it like nothing had happened.
Evil stepmother comes in the kitchen, all exhausted and flustered. She then proceeds to yell at both of us for a few minutes, calling us both all sorts of things, demanding to know what the hell that "thing" was and why nobody had warned her about such things - and mostly why neither me nor Pop seemed a bit worked up over the whole affair.
Well, I'd be lying if I said that inside, I wasn't dying of laughter - because I was.
I just didn't want to lose the little contest me and Pop were having over who would break character first....
He finally drops the paper down again, gives her a look, then gives me a smirk like "it's ok, son, go ahead...."
You know, the kind of look only your Dad could give you.
Permission granted, I lost it...laughed like a hyena, couldn't hardly stop.
This of course incensed her even further....which of course, only tickled me even more...
Pop not really being able to do the same, of course, instead gave me permission to do so for the both of us.
I was glad to oblige.
Man, I miss him like hell...
The situation: About 20 years ago, in my dad's old farmhouse out here in the countryside of Tennessee. It was a typical 4 room house, arranged in a square with a centrally located fireplace.
Out behind the house was a pump house, wood shed, etc.
Side note: We get a lot of black snakes out here in the hills. They hang out pretty close to humans, too - wherever they can find food (mice).
Pop lived there with his 2nd wife (my evil stepmother at the time). Pop was a Tennessee boy born and bred; she most certainly was not, all citified and prissy.
Ok, here we go...
Early one morning, I had come over and Pop and I were sitting at the little kitchen table drinking coffee and trying to wake up. His 2nd wife had gone out to the pump house for something and things were pretty quiet...that was, until we heard her scream from out there.
Before he or I could process that, here she came in the sliding glass back door at full speed, screaming and waving her arms frantically - and right behind her was a rather large black snake, also at full boogie and obviously pissed off.
She flies past us and is in the next room before we could even figure out what was up....
Now, remember the layout of the joint. As she tries to outrun the pissed off snake, she proceeds to start doing laps around that fireplace, running circles through the 4 rooms, snake right behind her trying to bite her.
She's still hollering and the snake is still hissing and striking....
I look up at Pop like "well, THERE'S something you don't see every day..."
He looks up back at me like "oy".
Both of us retain our rather stoic demeanor and for a moment, nothing was said.
It would have been something to see I'm sure - she losing the race to the snake while Pop and I didn't so much as move a muscle, like this sort of thing was routine and nothing out of the ordinary on a typical morning.
Meanwhile, evil stepmother and snake are completing what must have been their 4th lap by that point - and she's running out of gas quick.
Finally, Pop looks back over top the newspaper he had in his hands at me and says "well, I guess we should do something, huh?"
"Ok, Pop, I got it" I muttered. I slowly got up, went out the back door and grabbed a flatnose shovel leaning against the house and came back in.
Next lap, she goes flying by and I jump in front of the snake and slap that shovel down in front of it.
The snake, being a snake and pissed off and all, immediately starts striking at the shovel...
I walk him slowly backwards towards the open door, him hissing and striking, me moving the shovel slowly back.
Finally got the snake outside the door and grabbed the sliding glass door, slung it shut.
The snake, not being done yet, then begins hitting at the door, but eventually tired of the whole affair and slithered back to the shed...
I propped up the shovel by the door and sat back down at the table, where Pop hadn't moved a muscle or even so much as lowered the newspaper to watch. Neither of us still hadn't broken our "morning demeanor" at that point and I grabbed my coffee and resumed drinking it like nothing had happened.
Evil stepmother comes in the kitchen, all exhausted and flustered. She then proceeds to yell at both of us for a few minutes, calling us both all sorts of things, demanding to know what the hell that "thing" was and why nobody had warned her about such things - and mostly why neither me nor Pop seemed a bit worked up over the whole affair.
Well, I'd be lying if I said that inside, I wasn't dying of laughter - because I was.
I just didn't want to lose the little contest me and Pop were having over who would break character first....
He finally drops the paper down again, gives her a look, then gives me a smirk like "it's ok, son, go ahead...."
You know, the kind of look only your Dad could give you.
Permission granted, I lost it...laughed like a hyena, couldn't hardly stop.
This of course incensed her even further....which of course, only tickled me even more...
Pop not really being able to do the same, of course, instead gave me permission to do so for the both of us.
I was glad to oblige.
Man, I miss him like hell...
