Spread the stupidity

[fwi]

Only
In This Stupid World
......do drugstores make the sick walk
All the way to the back of the
Store to get their
Prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
Front.


Only
In This Stupid World
.....do
People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet
Coke.

Only
In This Stupid World
.....do
Banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the
Counters..

Only
In This Stupid World
......do we leave cars worth thousands
Of dollars in the driveway and put
Our useless junk in the
Garage.

Only
In This Stupid World ............do we buy hot dogs in packages
Of ten and buns in
Packages of
Eight..


Only
In This Stupid World .....do they have drive-up ATM machines
With Braille lettering.

EVER
WONDER
...

Why
The sun lightens
Our hair, but darkens our
Skin?

Why
Don't you ever see the
Headline 'Psychic Wins
Lottery'?


Why
Is
'abbreviated' such a long word?


Why
Is it that
Doctors call what they do
'practice'?


Why
Is lemon juice made
With artificial flavor, and dishwashing
Liquid made with real lemons?

Why
Is the man who
Invests all your money called a
Broker?

Why
Is the time of
Day with the slowest traffic called rush
Hour?

Why
Isn't there
Mouse-flavored cat food?
Why
Isn't there Cat flavored
Dog
Food?

Why
Didn't Noah
Swat those two
Mosquitoes?

Why
Do they sterilize the
Needle for lethal
Injections?

You
Know that
Indestructible black box that is used on
Airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that
Stuff?!

Why
Don't sheep
Shrink when it rains?


Why
Are they called
Apartments when they are all stuck
Together?

I
Like this one!!!

If
Con is the opposite of
Pro, is Congress the opposite of
Progress?

If
Flying is so
Safe, why do they call the airport the
Terminal?

 

[polywideblock]

 

[snakeyes]

 

[Bb70charger500]

^what he said

 

[khryslerkid]

They weren't George Carlin quotes were they?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

Keep thy religion to thyself.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking.

And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

 

[oldbee]

AND common sense is very UNcommon these days.

 

[Budnicks]

Only
In This Stupid World
......do drugstores make the sick walk
All the way to the back of the
Store to get their
Prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
Front.


Only
In This Stupid World
.....do
People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet
Coke.

Only
In This Stupid World
.....do
Banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the
Counters..

Only
In This Stupid World
......do we leave cars worth thousands
Of dollars in the driveway and put
Our useless junk in the
Garage.

Only
In This Stupid World ............do we buy hot dogs in packages
Of ten and buns in
Packages of
Eight..


Only
In This Stupid World .....do they have drive-up ATM machines
With Braille lettering.

EVER
WONDER
...

Why
The sun lightens
Our hair, but darkens our
Skin?

Why
Don't you ever see the
Headline 'Psychic Wins
Lottery'?


Why
Is
'abbreviated' such a long word?


Why
Is it that
Doctors call what they do
'practice'?


Why
Is lemon juice made
With artificial flavor, and dishwashing
Liquid made with real lemons?

Why
Is the man who
Invests all your money called a
Broker?

Why
Is the time of
Day with the slowest traffic called rush
Hour?

Why
Isn't there
Mouse-flavored cat food?
Why
Isn't there Cat flavored
Dog
Food?

Why
Didn't Noah
Swat those two
Mosquitoes?

Why
Do they sterilize the
Needle for lethal
Injections?

You
Know that
Indestructible black box that is used on
Airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that
Stuff?!

Why
Don't sheep
Shrink when it rains?


Why
Are they called
Apartments when they are all stuck
Together?

I
Like this one!!!

If
Con is the opposite of
Pro, is Congress the opposite of
Progress?

If
Flying is so
Safe, why do they call the airport the
Terminal?

Great one

 

[fwi]

They weren't George Carlin quotes were they?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

Keep thy religion to thyself.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking.

And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Good ones!

 

[polywideblock]

if jimmy cracked corn and no one cares ,why is there a song about him

where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg

if electricity comes from electrons , does morality come from morons