I got another "Ed story" to tell. Please just skip over it if you're not interested:
I had a day out there in WuhanCoronapocalypse world for sure....
Not being one to just be told to "stay home", I had an opportunity to make a couple bucks today
and I sure needed a break from all the stress of trying to find a gig, so off I went this morning
to the next big town to the east.
Back story: Our local town Food City has been a zoo since all this started, with the usual hoarding
and such, done with the usual local "flavor" (you should be hearing banjos right about now)….
Coming back towards town after the gig, I decided to stick my head in the Food Lion up the highway a spell.
I already figured our local town Food City would be the usual Star Wars bar scene, so what the heck, let's try somewhere else, right?
Glad I did....
The joint was fairly busy, sure - but the employees were on top of it and they actually had pretty good selections of fresh meats and produce, along with breads and whatnot.
Snagged up on all our "restock the freezer" items, no more, and enjoyed my time there, chatting away with strangers like I do....
I get back to town and the truck needs gas, so I stop over at the Food City gas corral (15cents a gallon discount, ya know).
Then I look over at the main store and think "what the heck, it COULD be fun".
Devil horns showing, I sauntered on over to the madness...
Bingo! Folks flying every which a ways, banging into one another like it was Saturday night at Bulls Gap Speedway, only with shopping carts.
Somebody rudely tried to force their way past me as I sanitized my cart; a quick redneck death stare (I can summon up a good one when I want to) chased them back.
Yep, we were gonna have us some fun for sure...
I stop and chat with this and that employee as usual, then decide to head back to the meat section - or as it's become known here lately, the "Raw Meat THUNDERDOME!"
(Ok, I just made that up, but you get the idea).
To my shock, there actually was a little bit of chicken and even some hamburger left - but there was also a borderline unruly crowd, all suffering from the internal turmoil of being expected to be polite and take turns vs. GIMME THAT DAMN RED MEAT NOW!!
I grabbed the last pack of 70/30 hamburger and I felt death stares laid upon me.
I chuckled and resisted the urge to just burst out in a donkey bray at my conquest.
Fortunately, the employees were right behind me with a fresh load of hamburger, which the crowd descended on almost before he got it out of his little carrier.
I could sense something was gonna happen at that point, so I just hung over by the chicken and waited and watched....
Sure enough, one big ol' hausfrau wearing PJ's and a wig bellers out "THIS IS HIGHWAY ROBBERY!"
as she wildly swung a 1lb pack of burger over her head.
People flinched, some even ducked.
I reached for my cell phone, ready to proceed with making a video.
(Can I spot a potential scene or what?
)
Others in the crowd are getting antsy, too, so I asked her what the problem was.
She waves that pack of meat in my face and yells "$13.49 an effing pound, that's what!".
I almost died laughing, right there....
"Hey, easy lady, it's obviously a mistake" I say.
"Tell them and they'll fix it" I say.
Well, that wasn't good enough for her, so I go fetch the guy myself, still laughing like a hyena.
His face goes white and his eyes get all big and he runs back out there, grabs all the mistakes and fixes them.
The hyenas then pounce again, perhaps even more voraciously than before.
He looks at me and says "we've only got 40 pounds left until tomorrow night."
I told him he'd be lucky if it lasted 2 hours....
Yep, lots of fun at the local grocery store. Heck of a day out there in the WuhanCoronapocalypse.
What's next?
Wait 'til the folks learn that Soylent Green is PEOPLE!
