Chipotle Announces Plans To Get Even Worse

[Richard Cranium]

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May 3, 2025




NEWPORT BEACH, CA — Chipotle executives unveiled plans today for the restaurant chain to somehow get even worse.

After a decade of steadily transforming its once-delicious food into tasteless crap, Chipotle still believes there is room to be more awful.

"People say it isn't possible, but we're going to show them," said a spokesperson. "Chipotle has yet to really scrape the bottom of how lousy our food can be. You think our chicken is overcooked now? You just wait, buddy. We're about to go radioactive on those birds."

In addition to making the food even more terrible, Chipotle has released plans to make their egregiously atrocious ordering system more exasperating. "Customers already wait thirty minutes for a flavorless burrito because we have no system in place for handling both online and in-person orders," explained the representative. "But we can be more inefficient. We believe there is still room to grow in shuffling receipts to screw up orders further and extend wait times. We're also looking to add another staff member whose only job will be to sit and stare at the bags of orders that haven't been handed out, just to really twist that knife in the customer a little more."

At publishing time, physicians had announced that in lieu of the traditional colonoscopy prep, they would simply prescribe to patients one Chipotle burrito.

 

[Davefinan]

Sounds like a money laundering operation for the cartel.

 

[Dennis H]

Way too spicy. Can’t eat there anymore. Whack you $$$ for everything. Guac, sour cream. I hate upsell. Used to be good.

 

[YY1]

I've been inside a chipotle twice.

Only ate once.

 

[OneWheelPeel]

Weird timing since I’ve barely been there until lately. I looked at the online ordering and it’s easier than some others and I can have a big bowl of simple ingredients like chicken, bean, rice and lettuce and I get stuffed. It kind of works with the change in diet I’ve had the last several years.
I’m not saying it’s the most delicious thing, but most of my meals are bleh now, but I’ve lost 40 or so lbs.

Now the enchiladas I had from a local joint today were delicious, gotta live sometimes!

 

[Xp29h]

Is it even possible to get worse?

 

[68gtxman]

Notice something familiar in their logo?


I’m not accusing, just pointing out something odd. Here is the girl lover symbols:

 

[68-500]

Ya I’ve 2-3 times very underwhelming. Funny you mention the bags of food sitting ready to go. Wife had to have Starbucks the other day, and I had to piss, so we went inside not drive thru. Place order it appeared like there was 1 other couple waiting for the drinks. The gal making drinks was busy but seemed confident in her duties. Little printer spits out an order she makes and calls out name. There must have been 8-9 drinks on the counter when I got my black coffee and wifes white girl coffee. I gather online orders are more important than someone standing in your store.

 

[YY1]

Common now to sit at a table and online order.

Screws up the "how many people ahead of me" math.

I don't like tomatoes or peppers (unless hot peppers very selectively) and rarely want onions on my food.

Chipotle puts tomatoes, peppers, and onions on everything and they are basically embedded.

 

[padam]

Chipotle-Away episode of South Park is a classic.