Crazy dudes you used to know.

[Kern Dog]

We all have people from our past that did some crazy things. Sometimes we are the crazy person in another person's stories.

I knew a guy named Mike that was tall and skinny. He looked like a tweeker but always denied it.
He once painted his house 4 times in a weekend.
Imagine this.,....you don't just paint a wall or two of your 1150 sq ft house, you paint the ENTIRE thing and then stand back and look at it....THEN decide the color is wrong.
He did this four times.
After the 4th failed attempt, he decided that it was the texture of the stucco that he didn't like so the next weekend, he rented a mixer and RE-stucco'd the house, requiring yet another paint job.
This is the most sane story that I have on the guy.
Another one....
A woman that he "fell for" decided that she didn't want to see him anymore. He liked to hunt and recalled seeing a dead lamb in the forest the week before....so he went out and collected the rotting animal and drove back to town. He knew the ex was going to be at a concert at a local venue so he paid the parking fee ($20) and drove up and down every row until he found her car, then put the dead animal on the hood of it.
He once went through 7 skilsaws in one year. He kept destroying them when he made a wrong cut or when he accidently cut the cord.
He made a fake hypodermic drug kit and kept it in his glove box under the stupid logic that if he was ever searched during a traffic stop, the cops would feel stupid during processing that their "collar" was not in possession of real drugs.
He shot his car door when it kept closing on him while he was hunting from a moving car.
He climbed down from framing a roof to destroy his own radio when a Tim McGraw song came on.
These stories are true. The guy had serious problems.

 

[Runcharger]

Dave Garber: He was particularily fond of jamming his 74 Nova into reverse at 45MPH in front of the drive-in we all hung out at.

 

[Kern Dog]

Kurt was another one. I worked with him and learned a lot about roof framing and at one point, My work was better and more complete than his.
He was competitive though. He used to go to bars a lot. He said that most times, his goal was to either fight someone or f*ck someone...it didn't matter to him which happened first.
One time he went to work still drunk from the nigh before and decided to go home early. He fell asleep/passed out while driving and rolled his truck on the freeway, scattering tools all over the road. It wasn't an old POS, it was only a few years old. He abandoned it and got a ride with another Carpenter before the Police showed up. He wouldn't say whether he recovered the truck or not.

 

[DeltaV]

 

[Kern Dog]

I still know a guy that lived in a teepee for 3 years while building his house.....

Yes, that is snow on the ground.

 

[Kern Dog]

Mike had issues of paranoia where he thought people were plotting against him.
One instance was with a group of high school age kids that would pass by his place on the way to hang out in a park at the end of the street. Mike claimed that they would talk **** and throw trash on his lawn. In his mind, this escalated to the point where he felt he had to retaliate.
He came by my house and asked if I had any cars NOT registered to me so he could run them down.
Of course, I refused and tried to talk him out of this stupid idea.
He pressed on and the rest goes like this:
He went to the Halloween store and bought spray paint to change his hair color from blonde to black. He took the license plates off of his motorcycle and waited just outside the park. Once the group showed up, he chased them down with a pipe in hand. Of course they all scattered. He chased one up a driveway and dumped the bike, then chased a kid through a closed screen door but was chased out by the homeowner. He went back to get his motorcycle and stashed it in a field out of view, then walked home and jumped the backyard fence to his house to avoid being seen.
It didn't matter. He was just getting out of the shower from washing the black junk from his hair when the Police were at his door knocking. He was arrested for assault and battery and booked.
He posted bond and later did probation for it. The topper? At Tax time, the ****** asked me if BAIL was tax deductible!

 

[69 Sleeper Bee]

Jesus,
I thought I knew some fucked up mother fuckers being in construction. That dude that painted his house 4 times was most definitely a tweaker.
Had a couple of buddies of mine from high school that worked for Osmose treating telephone poles and ended up working in California back in the 80's when "Ice" ( meth ) was 1st coming on the scene and one guy was a big old boy nicknamed Doughboy. Well when he came back he had a collection of hammers he had hand polished and had named each one individually and weighed about a buck 20 and we started calling him Dough No Mo. One time they were waiting on a shipment of Ice to come in to town and he was so fucked up he flagged down a Sheriff's deputy that happened to be driving by because he thought it was the postman.

 

[khryslerkid]

I knew a dude once that was the craziest.

We had a group of about 20 that would take weekend trips on our motorcycles. One trip when we arrived at a campground, he decided to put his front tire against a log and do burnouts in the dirt. After bouncing the tire off the log several times the tube blew out. Nobody open that weekend to have it repaired so it went on the chase vehicle/beer truck.

He ran out of gas one night so I took him to his house to get some gas. He comes out of his garage with a gallon of Coleman fuel. Yep he poured it in his tank and drove it to a gas station. ('72 Sportster)

He asked me to stop by his parents house so he could pick up his 30/30 rifle. We're out driving around, stop at a red light, he hangs out the window and shoots out a street light! Scared the **** out of me.

Coming through town one night, half drunk, stopped at a red light and he decides to hold the front brake and do a burnout. Well after it was smoking pretty good it gets away from him, does a 360 and drops it right in the middle of the intersection. Laying there laughing his *** off, I put my bike on its kick stand, run over to help him and his bike back up before any cops happen to come by.

One winter he decided to freshen up his Sportster's engine. We came in his shop and he's standing there with a garden hose, washing off all of the engine parts laying on the floor. Parts rolling all over the place. A week later he's trying to find the cam. Found it in a friend's burn barrel. He miraculously got it all back together and it ran great. Took many long trips after that.

He had painted a guy's car and the guy paid him with a bad check. He jumped in his '46 Dodge tow truck with a 460 Ford engine, went to the guys house and found the car parked between two trees. He comes up to the front door with an axe in his hand threatening to cut the parts he had installed right back off if someone didn't pay up. He got his money in cash.

There's several more that I could tell but there might not be a statue of limitations on some things.

 

[Ron_M]

Wots wrong with naming hammers?

 

[69 Sleeper Bee]

Wots wrong with naming hammers?

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View attachment 1381353

 

[GetX'd]

We all have people from our past that did some crazy things. Sometimes we are the crazy person in another person's stories.

I knew a guy named Mike that was tall and skinny. He looked like a tweeker but always denied it.
He once painted his house 4 times in a weekend.
Imagine this.,....you don't just paint a wall or two of your 1150 sq ft house, you paint the ENTIRE thing and then stand back and look at it....THEN decide the color is wrong.
He did this four times.
After the 4th failed attempt, he decided that it was the texture of the stucco that he didn't like so the next weekend, he rented a mixer and RE-stucco'd the house, requiring yet another paint job.
This is the most sane story that I have on the guy.
Another one....
A woman that he "fell for" decided that she didn't want to see him anymore. He liked to hunt and recalled seeing a dead lamb in the forest the week before....so he went out and collected the rotting animal and drove back to town. He knew the ex was going to be at a concert at a local venue so he paid the parking fee ($20) and drove up and down every row until he found her car, then put the dead animal on the hood of it.
He once went through 7 skilsaws in one year. He kept destroying them when he made a wrong cut or when he accidently cut the cord.
He made a fake hypodermic drug kit and kept it in his glove box under the stupid logic that if he was ever searched during a traffic stop, the cops would feel stupid during processing that their "collar" was not in possession of real drugs.
He shot his car door when it kept closing on him while he was hunting from a moving car.
He climbed down from framing a roof to destroy his own radio when a Tim McGraw song came on.
These stories are true. The guy had serious problems.

I used to either hang or by association knew some real screwball or plain dangerous guys. The screwballs I never had much time for. The dangerous ones well I had so many brothers that you just became accepted by these nut cases as being part of their groups by auto association. Some of these guys ended up where they could no longer harm society, six feet under or after the younger years just plain live rough tough struggling lives. I remember a couple guys that must have watched too much TV because they thought it cool to go out in a blaze of glory if you get what I mean. And oh boy did they. You know when you load up the contents of a Superette’s cash register, take flight on foot and the multiple squads catch up with you - then you decide it wise to turn around and take a stand with a shotgun in front of 8 cops - How do you think that’s going to work out for you? I knew a couple of those dudes and worse. Some of these guys were down right scary. And I don’t recall to many that straightened out. I was pretty much on the right side of them - but never wanted to get to chummy. As the good lord would have it I took a right turn when most of them were taking a left. I learned some lessons the hard way but in such a way I never forgot them. And have zero problem in saying these were the best, most valuable lessons of that time in my life and have served me endlessly throughout my life. I have zero regrets for some though things I had to go thru to get the education. I was not one of the lunatics and at the right point in time I just simply disappeared for four years of college - a little later than normal but the right time for me. Then after a year of corporate life up there I disappeared to multiple cities, living the corporate life for 35 years eventually to a good retirement. And guess what - I‘ve still never forgotten what I owe the Man Upstairs for what, when, where and how he changed my life for good. I still see a fair number of these guys when I go back home to see my family and enjoy the non-lunatic friends that I’ve always kept in touch with. The crazies I see around at various places, funerals and such. They’re now mellowed out and most appear to have paid a heavy price for their earlier lifestyle. When God’s going to bless you just pray it’s early enough to salvage your life - but even if it’s later just remember you have an eternity to reconcile whatever it may have been and full forgiveness that comes along with the deal. Grab ahold and never let go.

 

[Ron_M]

At a C-P store that I worked at 30 years ago, most of us were in our mid 20s and whenever a job required a BFH, we would kid each other if we weren't manly enough with the blows. Our favorite ridicule was " c'mon hit it Sally" implying that the swinger was delivering blows like a young girl. Another saying was when assisting someone, they would request a tool and say "hand me Sally" (the hammer). From then on, I named my hammers, deriving the names based on actual women I have known in my life

 

[khryslerkid]

At a C-P store that I worked at 30 years ago, most of us were in our mid 20s and whenever a job required a BFH, we would kid each other if we weren't manly enough with the blows. Our favorite ridicule was " c'mon hit it Sally" implying that the swinger was delivering blows like a young girl. Another saying was when assisting someone, they would request a tool and say "hand me Sally" (the hammer). From then on, I named my hammers, deriving the names based on actual women I have known in my life

I don't think I want to know about Trudy.

 

[Ron_M]

RE Trudy. In all honesty, she's named both after a Charlie Daniels song and an electronics board inspector that I knew. The others? Well...

 

[WileERobby]

Eddie Mendy... kid from Pennsylvania, family moved to Brooklyn... it's summertime, early evening... we used to go climbing up on the roofs of factories, drink beer or wine, boones farm, whatever. Eddie has to take a dump. He jumps on a limb of a tree from the backyard, nearby the roof we were on. He's hanging from the limb, one hand on the limb, both legs/ankles draped over the limb while his *** is hanging down. Pulls his pants off with his other hand, sorta up the leg to expose his ***. Then proceeds to drop a loaf in the neighboring yard from the limb he's hanging onto.

 

[eldubb440]

Eddie Mendy... kid from Pennsylvania, family moved to Brooklyn... it's summertime, early evening... we used to go climbing up on the roofs of factories, drink beer or wine, boones farm, whatever. Eddie has to take a dump. He jumps on a limb of a tree from the backyard, nearby the roof we were on. He's hanging from the limb, one hand on the limb, both legs/ankles draped over the limb while his *** is hanging down. Pulls his pants off with his other hand, sorta up the leg to expose his ***. Then proceeds to drop a loaf in the neighboring yard from the limb he's hanging onto.

we have a winner

 

[kiwigtx]

Eddie Mendy... kid from Pennsylvania, family moved to Brooklyn... it's summertime, early evening... we used to go climbing up on the roofs of factories, drink beer or wine, boones farm, whatever. Eddie has to take a dump. He jumps on a limb of a tree from the backyard, nearby the roof we were on. He's hanging from the limb, one hand on the limb, both legs/ankles draped over the limb while his *** is hanging down. Pulls his pants off with his other hand, sorta up the leg to expose his ***. Then proceeds to drop a loaf in the neighboring yard from the limb he's hanging onto.

I knew a few guys who did crazy things years ago....in the days when you could get away with a lot more than today.

This one guy 'Shorty' .....very well known in many circles. He had many jobs in his long career.......everything from Repo Man to serving Her Majesty behind bars. He and I got on really well....and this friendship was years after his bad years. He told me a few stories, and I know they're true, because I know a few of the others involved a in a story or two he had.

Shorty had this El Camino that he was quite proud of, it was all sorted, and he had just got it painted up nice. Probably the nicest looking car he had ever owned, and it was his pride & joy. Not long after getting it finished, he was cruising through town one afternoon, when a bus carved in front of him on the road. Shorty was pissed off....but he decided to get payback. He knew the bus route, so he cut a few corners and sped up ahead of the bus. He parked his El Camino out of sight and waited for the bus to come along. Shorty thumbs the bus down, climbs aboard, grabs the driver by the throat and punches him pretty hard in the head. The bus driver is looking like he was in a fight with George Foreman, and the passengers are wondering what the hell is going on.

Shorty looks at the driver and says if he ever cuts anyone up again, he'll get more of that punishment. Shorty steps off the bus and never heard another word.

He was a hell of a nice guy if you knew him like I did. May he rest in peace.

 

[BB BELLA]

Well you didn't race offshore in the 80's and not meet some wild ones!Pretty sure 3 of them are still in jail!
craziest mofo I knew here, shot his son in laws dog at the resort because he told him not to bring it there! another time we had a large cruiser at the pump out station that the **** tank was clogged,he brought an air line from the shop and pressurized the tank, shortly after it was raining **** on everybody on the dock! I almost fell in I was laughing so hard!

 

[Speedbird]

The problem with naming hammers is you might misgender them.


Of course, you chose a safe name that goes either way.

 

[Ghostrider 67]

Had a pal named Billy. We were rolling through Texarkana when a tornado caught up to us. We saw it drop down and watched until we were sure it was moving towards us. We raced down the interstate at about 120mph trying to find an overpass to get under. Several other travelers had the same idea. We got out and ran up under the road bed and stuffed ourselves up against the bottom of the road above and braced for impact. Just before the thing arrived Billy shouts, " Hey! Watch this!" He jumps down and runs down the slope and onto the highway and stands there against the wind with his right arm up and middle finger extended. I watched through slitted eyes as the twister swept him away. Thought for sure he'd be dead. After the twister moved off enough to get out and look we all stood around in the road and congratulated each other on having stayed alive. Me and a couple other guys looked around for Billy but no dice. He was gone. As I was getting into my battered Ford Galaxie I heard a moaning coming from somewhere above me. I got out and walked until I could see up to the road above and there's Billy, tangled up in the guard rail, covered in mud and debris, cut all over and bedraggled as all hell looking. He staggered upright and looked around, looked down at me with a blank face and then smiled big shouting down at me, " Hell, that was a wild ride!" Crazy MOFO.