Disney Remake Just Like Classic Disney Movie But Bad

[Richard Cranium]

·May 26, 2023





U.S. — The live-action remake of the beloved Disney film The Little Mermaid is just like a classic Disney movie but bad, say critics. Despite advances in CGI and ethnic diversity, the new film appears to have floundered with critics and fans alike.

"This new reimagining of the timeless Disney story is just like the classic tale you fondly remember from your childhood," said director Rob Marshall. "Except this one is bad."
Sources say this live-action The Little Mermaid abandons the escapism and animation of yesteryear for gritty reality in its fairy tale story by including themes of modern race dynamics and sexual consent. According to movie experts, this kind of thing is exactly what modern audiences crave.

"It is impossible to enjoy this film, it's that bad," Disney CEO Robert Iger said proudly. "This is exactly why I got into the business."

Children are among the film's harshest critics. Many younger children reportedly left screenings in tears, whining about how bad it was. 9-year-old Shannon LaSavignon said, "Wow, that was bad. I used to want to be a spunky mermaid, but now I have clinical depression."

At publishing time, parents longed for a return to form when Disney films were about dumb parents being righteously disobeyed in pursuit of foolish childhood dreams that led to dramatic and permanent consequences for all involved.

 

[Belvedere408]

Won’t be taking my 6 year old daughter to this garbage.

 

[Richard Cranium]

'Snow White' Producers Circumvent Actors' Strike By Casting 7 Random Hobos From San Francisco


Jul 16, 2023






SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With the actors' strike threatening to halt filming, the producers of Snow White decided to replace the dwarves with seven people chosen at random from a San Francisco homeless camp.

"You know what - don't even bother having the hobos change clothes," said director Rupert Sanders. "I'm actually digging the part hippie, part Revolutionary War crossover they have going."

While allowing production to continue, sources at Disney did admit that the unusual casting choices did mean some characters had to be re-written. "We had to change 'Bashful' to 'Shoeless Jimmy', and 'Dopey' is now 'Pirate Kevin'," said Mr. Sanders. "The real shocker was when we realized the producers actually found a homeless dwarf -- er, little guy. We had to make one character 'Normal Size-y' and then called the little one 'Midget Steve'. It's not perfect, but we're full steam ahead."

According to sources, Disney offered each hobo a six-pack of beer and new socks as compensation. "That pirate guy also asked for some rope," said Disney CEO Bob Iger. "It was so much easier than negotiating with actors, and we saved a fortune. The only real issue we've had on set is they keep stopping mid-scene to take a dump, right in front of everyone. We're going to have a LOT of work to do in post-production."

At publishing time, Disney had decided to just give up and light $100 million on fire with a flamethrower to get it over with.