Funny photos

[Hey-O]

A man and his wife were having hard financial times, so they decided she could make money as a prostitute. Being new and not quite sure what to do, she asked her husband what to do.

He explained, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you’ve got any questions, I’ll be parked around the corner.”

Not five minutes go by when a John pulled up and asked, “How much?”

“A hundred dollars,” the woman announced.

“Damn! All I’ve got is thirty,” the man sighed.

“Hold on,” said the woman, and she ran back to her husband. “What can he get for thirty dollars?”

“You can use your hand to jerk him off,” he replied.

She ran back and told the guy that all he could have for $30 was a hand job. He agreed, so she got in the car and unzipped his pants.

Out popped an incredibly large cock. It was the biggest she had ever seen. She stared at it for a minute, and said, “I’ll be right back.”

She ran back around the corner to her husband and said, “I need you to loan this guy 70 bucks!”

 

[Hey-O]

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he’s a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
“Oh look” says the first nun, “it’s a soap dispenser”.
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells…
“Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!”

 

[Hey-O]

An old Texas cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

“Howdy, stranger,” said the sheriff.

“Howdy, Sheriff,” said the cowboy. The cowboy moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted its tail and placed a big kiss where the sun doesn’t shine. He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swing doors of the saloon.

“Hold on there, mister,” said the sheriff. “Did I just see what I think I saw?”

“I reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips.”

“And does that cure them?” the sheriff asked.

“Nope, but it keeps me from lickin’ ’em.”