Meep-Meep
дворянин
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next **** could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F--- it, soldier on!”
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F--- it, soldier on!”
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
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