Life and letting go

[steve from staten island]

This has not been a good week. A very close friend has brain damage and looks like she will die when the family makes the descion to take her off life support. She may be gone already. She was fine when i talked to her and she ended our conversation by telling me she loved me. By the evening i called her and i was informed she was in the hospital. Later on i learned she had a lung clot. Another phone call was told lack of oxygen to the brain. You get the picture. She was a true friend and im devasted and overcome with guilt because although we stayed in contact with frequent phone calls i had not seen her in two years. Why did she say she loved me? She never said that and we were only friends and never more. She was facing surgery for her hip but was fine and then this happened. She was not really all that attractive, she was overweight and smoked but she was a beautiful person. She had her act together. She never married and was a caregiver to her sick mom.
So today with this on my mind im out at Costco with my wife and this is a major event for her. I run into my old co-worker/forman. With out going into it we parted company on very bad terms. He was the main reason i retired early and everyday since then almost 3 years ago every time i was soaked in sweat or freezing my *** off under some truck my mind would flash to him and how he fucked me worse than anyone else ever in my life. A few hundred thousand. Today he came up to me hugged me and in that split second i let all of that go.I was over it in a second. I did alright and am still healthy enough to do physical work. I pay my bills and have a hobby car. Im grieving for my friend, being a caregiver to my wife but im more at peace than I've been in awhile. You may not be able to come to peace with everybody or everything but the ones you do, id say you'll be a better person for it. Pray for my friend that she will find eternal salvation and be without pain and suffering or maybe a miracle. i will keep you informed what happens with her.....

 

[Beekeeper]

Steve,
I know sometimes it's hard to do but you will always be a winner for forgiving the people who do you wrong. And in the end you will be glad you did. I wish you well my friend.

 

[aldal]

Steve,
I know sometimes it's hard to do but you will always be a winner for forgiving the people who do you wrong. And in the end you will be glad you did. I wish you well my friend.

I agree whole heartedly!

 

[GetX'd]

Steve - my condolences for your friend. It's possible she knew she was on a final journey. My brother did a similar thing many years ago and passed away shortly after that. I believe he knew his time was short even though he had no evident illness to anyone but perhaps himself.

As far as forgiving those that have done us wrong you're a big man for letting it go. I don't know that I've learned that lesson yet but would some day like to embrace that peace.

God bless you, your wife and your friend.

 

[mopar 3 B]

Forgiveness is the greatest healer.

 

[Kern Dog]

People sometimes say that forgiveness will unburden you but I have a hard time believing that. Some asshole runs around screwing people over and I'm supposed to let it go? Give him a pass? When I see someone get taken advantage of, Personally I'd take it as a insult and a smack to my intelligence. Maybe it is the ego talking but it seems that if I let people walk on me, I would feel like a pathetic jerkoff.
This is not meant to insult anyone else that feels or acts differently. Maybe it takes more patience or integrity to forgive and move on.
Kudos to you, Steve. If you feel good about your decision, that is what matters.

 

[steve from staten island]

People sometimes say that forgiveness will unburden you but I have a hard time believing that. Some asshole runs around screwing people over and I'm supposed to let it go? Give him a pass? When I see someone get taken advantage of, Personally I'd take it as a insult and a smack to my intelligence. Maybe it is the ego talking but it seems that if I let people walk on me, I would feel like a pathetic jerkoff.
This is not meant to insult anyone else that feels or acts differently. Maybe it takes more patience or integrity to forgive and move on.
Kudos to you, Steve. If you feel good about your decision, that is what matters.

Actually i agree with Kern and i wasn't looking for folks to tell me how good a guy i am, although i appreciate it. Theses two guys fucked me plain and simple they knew it and so did a lot of others. As usual and par for the course it involved money and a good deal of it. Im over it finally and feel better for it, thats all. What im not over is this woman who was always there when i called. I keep thinking she will be ok, i will hear from her hear her voice. She was a good person. If any guy married her, he'd me married to a good woman for ever.. Life ******* sucks sometimes and now is one of those times. Im grieving over her and hoping for a miracle. What im tying to say is the other stiff with my job it aint important and its put to rest. My wife and what she is going through seeing her in pain and suffering, her feeling like **** all of the time, her dealing with what the future holds for her. She's tougher than me for sure. Now this, that woman friend of mine, i will never forget her last words to me. Just another thing in life we all have to deal with. Goodnight and thanks

 

[Darthomas]

I wish I had married your friend instead of my ex.
Even as she may be gone.
Life is weird.
I am so crushed by divorce I cannot think straight.
As I have always accepted less than perfection yet strive to achieve it, we live and die caring, or not.
I pray your friend is well and saved, even if gone from this plane.

 

[super-bee_ski]

Steve,
I know sometimes it's hard to do but you will always be a winner for forgiving the people who do you wrong. And in the end you will be glad you did. I wish you well my friend.

Very well said Beekeeper!

STEVE!
I have said this before:
You are a good guy
I will say prayer for you friend!

 

[moparnation74]

Very well said Beekeeper!

STEVE!
I have said this before:
You are a good guy
I will say prayer for you friend!

I agree as well....

Sorry, to hear about your friend and she will be in our thoughts and prayers!

 

[Richard Cranium]

After the guy hugged you, did you reach back to make sure he hadn't lifted your wallet?

 

[Moparsmitty]

To me, the hardest thing in this life is seeing someone that you love that is hurting. It's much worse than being hurt yourself. You feel like you should be able fix everything and make everything better when you know you really can't. You can take comfort in knowing that you made her life better by being her friend. You are a good guy Steve and I'm glad you are finding peace. God bless you and your family.

 

[Chargerjase]

Peace be with her Steve. It hurts tremendously to lose somebody close to you. Enjoy the memories of your good times together and the conversations you shared.

As far as forgiving your former foreman, I think you have done the right thing. I had a boss once who was a total asshole. I was an young 18 year old kid at the time, and he bullied the **** out of me. I was an apprentice so could not leave otherwise I would be throwing away my career. It took me 20 years to get over that stuff which is far too long. I proved him wrong on all counts and I just think now that he was an insecure person. I actually pity him. Good for you for letting it go so you can get on with your life without being bitter.

 

[steve from staten island]

After the guy hugged you, did you reach back to make sure he hadn't lifted your wallet?

Mark,if there is anybody that can make me laugh when i need to, its you. No my wallet was still there i checked LOL....

 

[Bladecutter]

This has not been a good week. A very close friend has brain damage and looks like she will die when the family makes the descion to take her off life support. She may be gone already. She was fine when i talked to her and she ended our conversation by telling me she loved me. By the evening i called her and i was informed she was in the hospital. Later on i learned she had a lung clot. Another phone call was told lack of oxygen to the brain. You get the picture. She was a true friend and im devasted and overcome with guilt because although we stayed in contact with frequent phone calls i had not seen her in two years. Why did she say she loved me? She never said that and we were only friends and never more. She was facing surgery for her hip but was fine and then this happened. She was not really all that attractive, she was overweight and smoked but she was a beautiful person. She had her act together. She never married and was a caregiver to her sick mom.
So today with this on my mind im out at Costco with my wife and this is a major event for her. I run into my old co-worker/forman. With out going into it we parted company on very bad terms. He was the main reason i retired early and everyday since then almost 3 years ago every time i was soaked in sweat or freezing my *** off under some truck my mind would flash to him and how he fucked me worse than anyone else ever in my life. A few hundred thousand. Today he came up to me hugged me and in that split second i let all of that go.I was over it in a second. I did alright and am still healthy enough to do physical work. I pay my bills and have a hobby car. Im grieving for my friend, being a caregiver to my wife but im more at peace than I've been in awhile. You may not be able to come to peace with everybody or everything but the ones you do, id say you'll be a better person for it. Pray for my friend that she will find eternal salvation and be without pain and suffering or maybe a miracle. i will keep you informed what happens with her.....

In my Prayers Steve.

 

[Darius]

I am feeling for you Brother.

 

[Bladecutter]

I am feeling for you Brother.

Darius,,,,are You in Van Nuys? i'll be there tomorrow if its not raining. Hope to see You!

 

[super-bee_ski]

If RC was standing behind me Stevie, I'd be checking more than "just my wallet"
Just saying!

 

[Claytonhc]

One of my favorite life quotes came from my old ltcol in the Marines. I actually couldn't stand the guy but he was still wise. He said "everything in life begins with a choice". From your emotions to your circumstance it all stems from a choice. It sounds kinda harsh but I still live by it. Sometimes you just have to choose to let go and move on. Like that old saying goes ... holding a grudge is like drinking posion and expecting the other person to die. As for the other guy who is having trouble from his divorce. Is she feeling the same way or is she just going on about her life. Sometimes after a relationship we create false memories of a relationship by only remembering the good times. It's like you're in love with something that never existed. It's a mind trick on yourself. Not trying to sound like a fortune cookie here but I got over the friends I lost and bad memories with drugs, booze and women. It all has a way of snowballing. I damn near lost my entire future because I couldn't let go of the past. After 31 years I've learned one thing about life..... it goes on.

 

[khryslerkid]

Don't quite know what to say. Everyone has stated some great feelings about your friend, and I'll agree.
I lost a friend of mine last month. He died in his sleep, just the way most of us would like to go but he had just turned 50. Way too young in my book. He had no previous medical problems. They're thinking he had a sleeping disorder, and maybe if he was useing a Cpap it wouldn't have happen.
Hang in there Steve, life goes on...