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Maybe I Need Sensitivity Training????

cr8crshr

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Whatcha' Think????:jerk::jerk::jerk::jerk:

1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by
turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.

3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night.
Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.

I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with
me because she can't afford batteries.

6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?"
The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must
come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for
the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the
floods in Pakistan. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches
the driveway."
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Nice work Tuck. :rolling::rolling::rolling:
Here's a couple more in ....

Tried erotic suffocation on the wife last week during sex. She obviously didn't like it, she's been lying there for 5 days now giving me the silent treatment!

A buddy of mine reckons he always cries after sex. I thought "You big soft prick!" Then I remembered..... he is still in prison.

A girl on the bus said she would give me a blowjob for $5. When she finished, she wiped her mouth and lit a cigarette. I thought, what the **** is the world coming to? What kind of prick sells cigarettes to an 11 year-old?
 
50,000 comedians out of work & youre trying to be funny
 
I was walking home past the boat ramp last night, when I saw a large Pakistani man thrashing around in the water and calling for help. Being the conscientious citizen that I am, I immediately contacted the Emergency Services.....I only hope now that I haven't wasted a postage stamp.


A stunning lady walks into a tavern. She signals the barman to bring his face close to hers. Running her fingers through his hair she says softly "Are you the Manager?"
"No" he says.
"Can you give him a message" she asks, stroking his face and allowing her fingers to slip into his mouth so he can suck them gently, and seductively sliding them across his teeth and around his tongue.
"Tell him there's no farkin' toilet paper!"


Jane's friend Debbie is complaining about a sore throat. Jane tells her "When I have that I always give my husband oral sex, and the next day I'm better.... you should try it."
Next day, Debbie comes in singing.
"How did it go?" asks Jane.
"Brilliant" says Debbie, "Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!"
 
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