Obscure one liners....

[Cranky]

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

You should always protect your wiping hand from injury....unless you're ambidextrous.

No one argues with me because I'm always right.

 

[Cranky]

My parents only had one argument in 35 years....but it lasted for 34.

 

[Cranky]

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

 

[Budnicks]

I was wrong once, because I wasn't...

 

[polywideblock]

regular sex can make your day but **** sex can make your hole week

 

[polywideblock]

when they see your doing better without them , that's when they want you back

 

[Cranky]

when they see your doing better without them , that's when they want you back

That's what happened to my oldest. Her scum boyfriend kept coming back like a bad penny then one day he sweet talked her into marrying him. When she asked us for our blessing, I just looked at her like she was nuts because she was. She's been hiding from him for over 5 years now. He's called the cops on me twice now but both times they turned around and went after him after talking to me.

 

[MarPar]

 

[Cranky]

I'm not arguing with you-I'm telling you!

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

 

[MrJLR]

He has a face made for radio

 

[hawkeye]

Rodney Dangerfield: "My wife is such a bad cook, we pray after we eat."

 

[GITEX]

**** and two is eight?

 

[gdrill]

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally.

 

[drobertson]

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ***.

 

[MrJLR]

I'd rather have tulips on my organ than roses on my piano

 

[Timmayy]

Yo mama's so fat, she got the flesh eating virus and it gave up.

He's so stupid, I told him "Look at the dead bird" and he looked up.

 

[440+6]

That girl was so ugly she had little circle marks all over her where people where touching her with a ten foot pole.

 

[69a100]

His favorite drink is the next one!
He could **** up a wet dream!
I got a book off 1001 insults for all occasions somewhere and I can't find it. Some are really funny!
Piss me off I can't find it.

 

[kiwigtx]

That guy is so stupid, he failed a blood test.

 

[69a100]

He was up all night studying for a urine test!