ok i need some older guys help .

[Seventy]

you missing the point Bb
read that above again.
theres more going on than just your cars.
dont bother taking a stand there.

she stopped doing car shows And the dogs,right?
find out why and what shes into now,or youll lose her..
Fb is the Devil.

+10000000000000 this is the truth, and you already seen a pro mediator that told you to RUN. I only know of 1 other person that told me something like that, him and his wife of 26 years went for help because they were arguing all the time, and when the session was over she pulled him a side and said "get your ducks in a row, and leave, dont waste anymore time with her" it took an additional 3 years but he finally listened, just had to figure it out for himself I guess...

 

[steve from staten island]

Family responsibilities need to be 1st & foremost
sounds like there's more to this than just the cars...

Love is respect

Both yours & her Bills & contractual obligations second,
need to be taken care of
The cars are replaceable for the most part &
seems to me, it sounds like you have quite a few cars/projects in the fire too...
Maybe, just maybe thinking of thinning out/culling the herd,
a little bit, doesn't sound like a bad idea...
BUT only if that's what you both agree on, not forced to do,
or if it's the best outcome, for all concerned...

I have to ask a few questions, IMO you need to ask yourself too...

were you into cars & collecting projects, all the likes that comes with all that,
when you 1st met her or when you 1st got married ?

can you afford to do what your doing with all these projects ?
do you make $$$ doing it, to help offset the expenses ?
or is it purely for the sake of doing it, collecting stuff ?

do you have a hoarding or out of control collecting problem?,
really ask yourself do you really need all of these projects ?

do both of you work & contribute ?

does she work ?

does she contribute ?
IF she does, it's a big part of her thinking process or decisions no doubt...

does she have any expensive hobby/s ?
do you both do anything together, that you both enjoy ?

is she pissed about the #'s of cars ?
or is it they don't run the clutter, the expense taking away from needs etc. ?

or is it she isn't into the projects aspects ?
or time turn around or patients aspect maybe ?

I never really had a problem with my spending & time spent on my projects...
I was lucky I had a woman that loved me for me,
when we met she knew I loved racing & would not try to always change me,
to be something I'm not, I felt the same about her & what she wanted/liked...
Lisa {RIP} was into going with me racing, she liked the travel too...
I was big into drag racing & spent allot of time, money & checking out projects,
building cars, fabrication etc...
Some to help pay for my racecar addictions...LOL
But she was into her own cars, her Jeep, my 4x4's & her horse trailers too,
she was always polishing & cleaning everything...
We both & sometimes the kids spent allot of time in the shop together too,
I tried to make it fun too...
I also helped with her Horses, she loved cutting horses, rodeos, barrels, roping & quarter horses
we shared the responsibilities & my car/project/racing/travel funds or her car or horse stuff
{well kind of anyway, horses, property & feed, vets & all that necessary crap are pretty pricey too}
BUT; it didn't ever take away from what the house, kids, bills, food etc.

We both love animals, dogs too, but that's a whole another topic there...LOL

I sold projects all the time, especially if it was necessary or sometimes just to pay taxes,
even when work or time got slow, family & house 1st, to fund something else or
to buy something for her or the kids needs etc.
IF I got bored & didn't touch them in a while too, they would be gone,
we agreed on that, But she did the same with her horse stuff too...

I didn't like having a bunch of projects around either,
I concentrated on only a couple at a time, that would be plenty,
I didn't treat it as a compulsion, impulse buys, that I had to have something,
when I really didn't need it...

I made decent money too, enough to justify my expenditures,
rarely not take away from our living or household expenditures &
I also had decent storage facilities, to not clutter/hoard up my house or yards...

She met me when I was racing, she knew I was into cars,
she knew I loved doing what I did...
I worked hard to give her & the kids everything she & they wanted,
she respected what I did or wanted & intern I respected what she liked & what she wanted...
We would compromise IF necessary too,
neither one of us would demand the other does anything,
it was always a mutual agreement, compromise IF necessary...
But we both might infer, suggest something & talk about it too,
but never play the you do this or else cards/hand, that just creates resentment...

IF they are doing that they may not be the right partner either...

A Happy Wife is a Happy Life...
IF she's not you'll always be miserable too,
you need to know hat you & your mate can be & do...

IF you can afford to do what your doing, not rob Peter to pay Paul constantly
IF it's not a big *** mess/clutter, making a living condition bad for one or the other
IF your not ignoring her or your obligations in any way...

I don't think it's a good idea to just buckle under either,
there needs to be a compromise & respect of each others likes & dislikes...

Like I said earlier, love is total respect & trust...

Do you trust her & respect her ?
Does she trust & respect you ?
Is it a financial burden, possibly making her life more difficult than it should be ?
Remember women are nesting creatures, by nature...
Remember everything is about the nest/home stability, even in financial aspects,
IMO they want to be noticed & taken care of, not ignored & taken advantage of...

You really need to sit down & talk, not argue, not go to bed mad...
Hash out what's the underlying issues, not scream & yell, be calm..
IMO IF you can't do that you'll never be happy...

Be honest;
is it all you ?
or is she being unreasonable ?

ask yourself all the above, make a reasonable decision, not a rash one, by either of you...

sorry for running on & the looooong a$$ post
good luck

Im reading something from a guy i don't particularly care for but when i do read this i have to admit that he express's the same values i have concerning my wife and family. Id listen to his advise if i was you

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Yes everything is payed and further more we don't split the bills I played the house and car payments back before I payed it all off she pays the water and elc we split the cell phone bill and we each pay whatever c.c. we have (me I have non as I pay my stuff up front if I can't afford it I don't buy it )(her she owes a lot because way back when she found the wonders of c.c.'s and charged the hell out of them . Occasionally I pay her bills too .but yes what I spend is extra funds that I earned. I just feel guilty I guess because my bank acct looks good and she is always hovering around 0 i give her money to catch up and she blows it ,hell just the other mouth she asked for $2000 to put in her account I gave it to her she said it's to help pay bills off . Moneys gone bills are still here? Hmm that worked good.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off alone ,but I do need her because of my back sometime s I need help getting dressed and stuff like that so I don't know.that's why I'm asking

Are you two married or business partners? Cause it sure sounds like the later. Everybody who can afford a hobby should have one if that makes them happy. If you have disposable income (which i never had until the kids were out on there own) and don't make your house look like a junk yard than enjoy your hobby. But this my money,her money when it comes to everything else just doesn't work. Only after 40 plus years of marriage do i have my own personal credit card. It took us decades of saving,paying bills and sacrifice to get to this point were i could finally afford to fool around with a hobby car. The results of all of that are no major bills and no credit card debt. I gave my wife my check every pay day and she deposited hers into the checking account on her pay day. Thats what worked for us. Best of luck to you both

 

[moparnation74]

you missing the point Bb
read that above again.
theres more going on than just your cars.
dont bother taking a stand there.

she stopped doing car shows And the dogs,right?
find out why and what shes into now,or youll lose her..
Fb is the Devil.

I agree.....The change occured for some reason that needs to be identified and worked out.

Material things are nice but are replaceable. A 10year plus marriage built on Love and Trust that went astray at some point for some reason. Is more important to rebuild/repair versus an automobile.

Sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side.

 

[patrick66]

I would keep two, part one down to the last fastener, and sell the rest. He who dies with the most toys, doesn't win ****. Prioritize and then go have some fun. You can always get more cars later, and that is a damn sight cheaper than divorce and child support!!!

 

[Bb70charger500]

No kids thank god but she wants some bad

 

[Lets Roll]

Kids aren't that bad. But nothing wrong either way having or not. At least after you die a part of you lives on through them. And they are so cute when they are little. Of course they get more destructive as they get bigger. And some times they grow up and hate. Still I always felt like kids are one of the main experiences of this life.

 

[69a100]

He who dies with the most toys, doesn't win ****.

That's what I always thought, I just never could figure out how to say it. Can I steal that?

 

[Hemirunner]

No kids thank god but she wants some bad

I don't know you but from the posts I've read you flip on a dime and have no real plan for all of these cars. On top of that, If your back is jacked up you should probably move them all anyway until you're recovered. As harsh as it sounds, you don't really have anything overly rare or irreplaceable. As to the wife, she sounds like a real piece of work. Life is too short to put up with those types and if she needed $25K in dental work she must've had no teeth to begin with. Did you ever really see the bills?? Sounds to me like all was well when you were healthy with money and an income and not so much now. Good luck with this one, hopefully it all works out for you.

 

[Budnicks]

"lately she wants nothing to do with me or our pets just her Facebook "

BIG problem. I've seen facebook destroy so many relationships....

I agree :iamwithstupid:
Social media period, all of it...
Even some forums...
add Twitter to that list too...
{But not FBBO...LOL}
Certainly they all can, have &/or will wreck relationships, not just marriages, people a really spending way to much time on their phones, hand held devises & computers today in general...
IMO with little to no, real human relationships, just social media...
Go out in public, almost anywhere & all you see is a bunch of people crouched over, slumping or walking head down, not paying any attention to the world around them, constantly staring at their damn phones, then go home & stare a damn TV or Computer screen...

see ya'

It doesn't sound, good either way...
1/2 of what you got & being happy is better than everything & miserable...

You need to be happy, not miserable...

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Im reading something from a guy i don't particularly care for but when i do read this i have to admit that he express's the same values i have concerning my wife and family. Id listen to his advise if i was you

My feelings about this guy, are mutual too, I don't care much at all for him either,
but he has a few good points, sometimes...

 

[Coronet 14]

If she is that irresponsible with money it will never change. If it were me I would keep one good car and one project. Strip the parts off you need and sell the rest. Put that money into your House. I'm a single father raising a son on my VA Disability money. I've gone months not doing anything to my car. To me my House comes before my car. Kid comes before my House. My house needs work. I'm getting there. I have days sometimes weeks where I can bearly function. Trust me I know what it is like to have a hard time dressing yourself. Which is more important to you. Getting the house done. Or having a bunch of cars you can't work on because you arn't physically able to.

 

[furyus]

I disagree with what a lot of people have said. There's something wrong here. My current wife of 25 years is always trying to tell me what to do, until we have to deal with some contractors. Then it's the man's job. It is. She will hound me about selling a car, I do it, and then I regret it forever, cause I will never find a deal on that particular car again. Prices go up etc. It's about control. I finally put my foot down on the Dart, and said I'm not selling it. I spent 5 years restoring it, and I'm not selling. Or it could be she's got someone else on her mind,and she's finding fault with everything to justify her bad behavior.

 

[steve from staten island]

I agree :iamwithstupid:
Social media period, all of it...
Even some forums...
add Twitter to that list too...
{But not FBBO...LOL}
Certainly they all can, have &/or will wreck relationships, not just marriages, people a really spending way to much time on their phones, hand held devises & computers today in general...
IMO with little to no, real human relationships, just social media...
Go out in public, almost anywhere & all you see is a bunch of people crouched over, slumping or walking head down, not paying any attention to the world around them, constantly staring at their damn phones, then go home & stare a damn TV or Computer screen...

see ya'

It doesn't sound, good either way...
1/2 of what you got & being happy is better than everything & miserable...

You need to be happy, not miserable...

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My feelings about this guy, are mutual too, I don't care much at all for him either,
but he has a few good points, sometimes...

Thats great! Then stop posting **** about me when I'm not involved and we won't have a problem….I will give you this much. Your on the money about FB. My two cents is its good to post pictures of the kids/grandkids/pets/vacation/gatherings/social stuff, things like that,but thats about all

 

[Budnicks]

Again this guy does this crap, sorry everyone else, I just had to respond

Simply Clueless, real mature SfSI, just keep it up...

Your making all my points valid for me... :headbang:

Maybe "actually" try to stay on topic,
you put the 1st one across my bow, it's tit for tat,
maybe don't start something you can't handle, always playing the victim still...

I merely responded, as nice, as respectfully as I could have...
& I'm not some wimp that's going to take that BS SfSI...
Maybe grow up, act your age too...

Don't go away mad, just go away...

Thats great! Then stop posting **** about me when I'm not involved and we won't have a problem….I will give you this much. Your on the money about FB. My two cents is its good to post pictures of the kids/grandkids/pets/vacation/gatherings/social stuff, things like that,but thats about all

 

[Bb70charger500]

Ok easy guys were all on the same team here .I accept everyones responses. I'm putting my foot down if she doesn't like it she can leave. You guys are right life's to short.

If you don't hear from me in a few days send the cops !

 

[Hemirunner]

I disagree with what a lot of people have said. There's something wrong here. My current wife of 25 years is always trying to tell me what to do, until we have to deal with some contractors. Then it's the man's job. It is. She will hound me about selling a car, I do it, and then I regret it forever, cause I will never find a deal on that particular car again. Prices go up etc. It's about control. I finally put my foot down on the Dart, and said I'm not selling it. I spent 5 years restoring it, and I'm not selling. Or it could be she's got someone else on her mind,and she's finding fault with everything to justify her bad behavior.

I delt with one of 'these types' for just over a decade and couldn't take any more. Rather than have a rational discussion, she yelled about everything. She tried to control everything. I have an incredible wife now. We have never yelled at each other. We don't always agree with each other, but we do respect each other. It took me a while to figure out that I had poor taste in women so I let someone else pick this one. One blind date and the rest is history. My only regret is not divorcing the nasty one five years sooner.

 

[bkleenfltx]

.....man and I was considering reading a book tonight. So my situation is nothing like yours. Like you I buy and sell cars, fix them up resell and put the profit in my cars. My policy is never take money out of the family budget.

With my 68..... told my wife...hey I sold the 71, think I'll take the cash and buy this 68. She says is that a car you really like? Ya I like this one so much I'll never ask for sex again. She says 'DEAL' !

I got up at 5 am!!!!

 

[Bb70charger500]

Now I'm affard I've waited to long to jump ship .I'm a little smarter then most (at least my wife . The house is not in my name or hers it's in my mothers name . Her brand new 40000 suv is in my name soly as far as I'm concerned she can pack up and take the suv that's about all she has except clothes and bills and that sunroof car that I bought and has no title she brings that up it will disappear for a few weeks I'll get it titled soon. It's just hard to say tough shot to what you put 15 years into trying to make her happy but in return I've been nothing but miserable,and since the small heart attack I had I decided I wanted to get another car done before the next heart attack makes me punch out for the last one
This maybe her problem as I can't do most of the hard stuff (witch I higher for the big work) I don't know maybe she's worrying about my physical position and knowing I cant do the work, I'll try very hard.I was just trying to set myself up for a easy run for when I get out of the next surgery.until then I'm just collecting the needed parts I miss building car ,I used to work on cars 6-7 days a week after work before work and theweeked . I guess I feel like if I let my cars go then I have nothing more to do and no reason to hang around here anymore .I won't lie you guys are about all I have left. I was put on anti depreciates and blood pressure pills plus a few other ones are m I am 28 years old have more gray hairs then most 50 year old guy then my blood pressure has been threw the roof (doctors said I didn't need b.p. pills.) Yeah that was b.s. anyway small heart attack later I'm stools high but way lower it was 174/119 right after the heat attack Then with current were at 147/86 were getting close.
And to top it off I done tell any of my family about how bad off I truly am . I just to want to build my chargers and mostly not get nagged

And thanks all for your time and effort hearing my problems out feels kinda good to get it out there keep the remarks comming I can take it
Thanks James

 

[BeatersRus]

well,love me or hate me,
im gonna tell you what your problem is right now.
ive just read that last post over n over.

you need to actually Communicate with your wife.
she needs to communicate with you.
otherwise,you are both gonna be miserable and its never gonna end well.
the whole gettin mad n yelling never helps either.
.

 

[Seventy]

I agree with the rest of the guys. I would take this very seriously though, I mean this is a marriage if nothing else, its something... lol... BUT life is short and if you are not happy and can not be happy, then by all means move on, sad to see happen, but it is what it is...

I seen relationships that you would have never thought could be saved, get saved. But its not easy and not as popular as divorce, only winners in a divorce is the attorneys, a good friend of my fathers got divorced last year, they were married 20+ years, both were not loyal throughout and it just caught up to them... They were worth around 3m$, he ran her fathers company and took it over, worked their his entire life and it was her dads place, she also worked there... Well you would think that was easy math, $3M Divided X 2 , right, lol.. Nope they ended up with less than a million each, wanna guess where the rest went? They both fought tooth and nail and the lawyers encourage it, thats their job...

If god forbid me and my wife ever grew apart, I would like to think we could both be adult enough to say "look, lets put a value on everything, you say what you want, Ill say what I want, the stuff we both want gets sold and the money split if we can not agree, you can buy it, but you will pay fair market value out of your half" I dont know how people can have that conversation EXCEPT say "we will split everything, BUT give your lawyer a third and mine a third", lol... NO SENSE AT ALL...

So you are 28 years old, say you both combined have a net worth of $300K, that means you get $150K and she gets $150K, make a list of all your assets and equity, and start dividing it up...

I don't think my wife would fight me on anything I wanted to keep as I wouldn't her, the property in Italy would be about the only thing we would both feel we wanted, but I would give it to her before argue about it with her...

I wish you luck, hopefully it all works out, I think if I was in your shoes I would
FIRST- figure out what I wanted and was willing to give up to make my wife happy
SECOND- talk to her and see if the 2 things match

If they dont match I would put my ducks in a row and go the way that was going to make me happy

If they do match then sit down, make a plan, set goals, and try to follow through with them, give and take, get rid of the hate...

THE LAST THING I would do, is have kids, I sen that a bunch of times, unhappy dating couples get married to fix it, unhappy married couples have kids to fix it, and then unhappy married couples with kids get divorced and the kids are left in the turbulence that comes with that mess...

again, good luck, Im hoping you can get it all worked out...

 

[moparnation74]

Now I'm affard I've waited to long to jump ship .I'm a little smarter then most (at least my wife . The house is not in my name or hers it's in my mothers name . Her brand new 40000 suv is in my name soly as far as I'm concerned she can pack up and take the suv that's about all she has except clothes and bills and that sunroof car that I bought and has no title she brings that up it will disappear for a few weeks I'll get it titled soon. It's just hard to say tough shot to what you put 15 years into trying to make her happy but in return I've been nothing but miserable,and since the small heart attack I had I decided I wanted to get another car done before the next heart attack makes me punch out for the last one

Choices are what you have to make, right now!

Do you throw in the towel and call it quits for good? I think you will find out quickly the idea of actual ownership of real property.

Or do you guys seek "real" counseling, learn how to communicate and actually work as a team?

Tough choices indeed!

I am 100% for marriage, so yes, I am biased but I would never ever give up on my wife. I would work diligently/quickly and do anything to stay together.

As Seventy stated divorce is all to common and the lawyers make out in the end.

Have you guys given the thought of seeking religious help?