(Disclaimer: This is an "Ed Story". Continue to read at your own peril...)
It's sort of a weird paradox I have going on right now...amplified by the season methinks.
As some may recall, the holiday season is different for me - wrought with losses of family members
and dear friends over the season (why they seem to all pass during this season, I dunno) - so
it's a natural thing for me to be a bit introspective each year about this time anyways.
Well, this one in particular, I've managed to amp that up a bit more (of course - I tend to do that)...
My wife is up with her mother right now, her being of particularly frail health and all. Family is
family and they're all gathered up right now for what is anticipated to perhaps be the last time
with her - and brother, I get that.
BOY do I get that, trust me - and I keep my wife focused on the task at hand, in no small part
because of my own past experiences as my own mama, then later on Pop, then little brother -
hell, most ALL of my family (and the few good friends I've had)all passed.
I didn't particularly handle some of those very well, so I want her to have a better experience
as she faces the same situations now, that's all.
She's gone from here for Christmas. That's the gist of it, but for all the right reasons...
but if the usual sadness of the season for me, coupled with being alone wasn't enough, well
hell Ed, let's crank it up some more:
I'm also currently unemployed - of my own volition.
I mean, who does that sort of shiyat during the holidays?
I had the lazy mans' job, working from home, sitting on my arse staring at this damned screen
every day....and physically deteriorating on an accelerated scale healthwise anyways - but it was
safe.
Nobody was threatening my job. It was a pressure cooker for sure, but I did well enough to be
left alone. Wife kept saying it was killing me quicker, but the income was stable, so I did what
I had to do.
That simple.
Until...
Along came an offer from another company one day - a company I knew pretty well, full of people
I've known for years and a company I've often referred customers to since they do stuff I don't
(namely, alarm stuff).
Seems they got acquired by a bigger company earlier in the year and - lo and behold, that bigger
company does what I do!
When the local company got word that their five offices would be expected to expand to offer all
the services I've done my entire career, I suppose it was only natural they'd holler at their old friend
Ed....
Next thing I know, talks were had, offers were made, my wife damn near insisted I take the offer
because it involved me hitting the road again and I tendered my resignation (with two weeks notice,
mind you - which my now old company refused, making it effective immediately)....
and now I sit here alone, twiddling my thumbs whilst waiting for my new gig to start January 1st.
Did I do the right thing? Well, the money goes up damn near 50%, so there's that.
The new gig will certainly be physically demanding and will involve some regional travel, so I'm
concerned if I have any gas left in my own tank to deal with that.
Reckon there's only one way to find out, eh?
But after all that, sitting here now, I find myself in a sort of purgatory of my own devising - at least
some of it is, certainly - but I'm at a weird sort of peace with it all.
For the first time in my life, I'm allowing things to just be - merely existing and waiting - and letting
Him take the lead for a bit.
This is extraordinarily out of character with everything I've been in this life, honestly.
I've never been one to let another take charge. It's a strange place to be...
I hope it all works out. I hope to still be here to survive it, really - but either way, I don't see how it
could have worked out any other way.
So....at Christmas, here I sit. Alone.
But it doesn't seem like a bad thing...
Riding it out, curious to see how it all plays out in the end.
Y'all give your loved ones extra hugs for me! I hope everyone has an awesome Christmas!
