A problem

[Kern Dog]

Not really, get a huge dumpster and start filling it. The hardest part of any job is just getting started, after that, it’s all down hill.

You want to break the habit of a hoarder, get rid of EVERYTHING. And have them help throw stuff away. It’ll be hard on them, but that’s what tuff love is about.

I don't know about that. Your idea does not address the root of the problem.
I knew a guy when I was in my early 20s. His family would have to rent a 16x8 dumpster every two years to clear out the crap that the parents collected. Its like they would hoard and hoard, then purge it all and start all over. This was a nice Mormon family of 7 people. The dishes were always piled high in the sink, little narrow pathways throughout the house to walk with boxes and boxes of stuff against every wall. They always looked clean but the house was a terrible mess.

 

[kiwigtx]

My friend is a devout Catholic very involved with the church, he runs all the blood drives and has received awards from the American Red Cross. He is a great and loyal friend but he has this problem.

Has anyone from the Church being made aware of the situation....maybe they could help him out as a payback from years of helping them?

 

[steve from staten island]

Has anyone from the Church being made aware of the situation....maybe they could help him out as a payback from years of helping them?

I doubt anyone outside of his home knows how he is living. Im going to try and encourage him to start going through some papers and throwing out whats junk

 

[Richard Cranium]

Tough Love
He needs psychiatric help
& someone to help clean up the hoard of stuff

If you really want to help
don't be an enabler, get a professional

there's help lines for that stuff in NY area I'm sure

I don't know about that. Your idea does not address the root of the problem.
I knew a guy when I was in my early 20s. His family would have to rent a 16x8 dumpster every two years to clear out the crap that the parents collected. Its like they would hoard and hoard, then purge it all and start all over. This was a nice Mormon family of 7 people. The dishes were always piled high in the sink, little narrow pathways throughout the house to walk with boxes and boxes of stuff against every wall. They always looked clean but the house was a terrible mess.

Having lots of clutter & crap (like you see on American Pickers) is one thing, but living in filth is whole different ballgame. Unfortunately, there is some sort of psychiatric problem going on & getting this person to realize that they have a psychiatric problem(s) is the big challenge. It may be cold to say it, but in my 59 years, I have found that you just can't help people who can't or don't want to help themselves.

 

[steve from staten island]

Well i went over there this mourning, brought him some items he asked for and also coffee and a egg/bacon on a roll.. Now that he cant do much because of his recent surgery he is feeling the affects of living the way he has.
I convinced him to remove the tub and install a shower with a seat. He called a plumber he used and the guy is coming over next week. He wants me to call a electrician to change the service so he can used a AC wall unit in kitchen and run a dedicated line for a dishwasher he never installed. So if we start with the kitchen and the bath which is right off the kitchen, its a good start.
So if we can keep the ball rolling maybe things will get better. Thanks

 

[steve from staten island]

Having lots of clutter & crap (like you see on American Pickers) is one thing, but living in filth is whole different ballgame. Unfortunately, there is some sort of psychiatric problem going on & getting this person to realize that they have a psychiatric problem(s) is the big challenge. It may be cold to say it, but in my 59 years, I have found that you just can't help people who can't or don't want to help themselves.

He is (my friend) one of the best persons i ever came across. He was a highly respected employee in his former job and a very honest person. Unfortunately for him he has some issues. His weight always held him back, long ago many tried to get him to look into weight loss surgery but he would make excuse after excuse. He'd loose weight but always gain it back.
He never had a girlfriend as long as I've known him. He had a elderly woman from church chasing him but i guess now it was to late for him.
Sometimes people just need a hand, you can only do so much but i have to at least make a effort.

 

[73HEMI_RR_GTX]

He is (my friend) one of the best persons i ever came across. He was a highly respected employee in his former job and a very honest person. Unfortunately for him he has some issues. His weight always held him back, long ago many tried to get him to look into weight loss surgery but he would make excuse after excuse. He'd loose weight but always gain it back.
He never had a girlfriend as long as I've known him. He had a elderly woman from church chasing him but i guess now it was to late for him.
Sometimes people just need a hand, you can only do so much but i have to at least make a effort.

Steve,
I commend you for being a good and caring friend. Just don't take this whole burden upon yourself. Seek assistance from his Church or professional help. As you are aware this has been going on for decades and you cannot solve this by yourself.

 

[WileE]

First of all, this guy is lucky to have a friend in you. I personally had a similar experience, and without getting into specifics, I had to grab the bull by the horns. While this person was in the hospital, I went through and cleaned/gutted the entire place. Now, I was younger then, so I don't recommend doing this yourself. But, I'd probably coordinate a process to restore his place to a healthy environment. ( Oh, and if you do so and succeed, I'll guarantee that afterward, you will feel good about having done so, and more so, if almost nobody else knows what you did. )

 

[coronet68mx]

Esteve mi amigo
Hoarding qualified as an obsessive compulsive disorder, i use to work a few years ago with drug addicts and the 12 steps and 12 traditions from AA are in a lot of cases extremely helpful the first step is to acknowledged that you have a problem and you can't resolve it and you need help , if your friend is morbidly obese he can't take care of himself not even the house were he live , obesity is the consequence of something much deeper obviously issues with his dead mom, he need psychological help asap , the comments pour here are correct cleaning the tub do small chores is beating a dead horse, for hard that it sounds you need, if you want to help your friend to call social and health services, i know you have to take care of your wife and am sorry to say this but she is more important that your friend please leave this issue to the professional .
Tu amigo

 

[steve from staten island]

Thank you for the advise. We did move ahead. He is getting motivated to at least clean up the kitchen and bathroom. He wants a lift type recliner. So next week the plumber is coming over and they will be discussing removing the tub and tiles and installing a new shower stall with a built in seat. The electrician is coming to replace the service and will run dedicated lines for a wall unit in kitchen and a line for a dishwasher. The stove is going to be replaced. What he needs to do is go through all the box's and papers. Then we can get a cleaning person and get the show on the road.
Its a start and he mostly is doing it. I just and helping.
I think i woke him up with the fact he would be taken out of his home had social services discovered th situation. As they view it as a older disabled person unable to care for themselves
One step at a time but its a start and the activity is good for him.......thanks again

 

[JB400]

Good to hear he wants to improve.

 

[Richard Cranium]

First of all, this guy is lucky to have a friend in you. Even if it is you.

Edited for clarity.