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To put a smile on your face!

cr8crshr

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So, I’m in a bar and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me. I say, “Cool accents, are you ladies from Scotland?” One of them yells “It’s Wales, you idiot.” So I said, “OK, are you two Whales from Scotland?”
I don’t remember much after that.

cr8crshr/Bill:lol::lol::lol::usflag::usflag::usflag:
 
So, I’m in a bar and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me. I say, “Cool accents, are you ladies from Scotland?” One of them yells “It’s Wales, you idiot.” So I said, “OK, are you two Whales from Scotland?”
I don’t remember much after that.

cr8crshr/Bill:lol::lol::lol::usflag::usflag::usflag:
I got a chuckle out of that. My wife said that wasn't funny, it was mean.
 
Oldie but a goodie!! My wife....X....has this friend that didn't like any of my jokes no matter how clean they were. Whenever she came over I'd be nice with some small talk and then migrate out to the shop. She was a perfect pear....and I ain't talkin pair now!
 
If this isn't a Red X Magnet, nothing is.



Mr. Goldstein runs a factory which produces NAILS. He is getting on in years, and decides that he wants to take his wife to Israel for a trip. So he speaks to his son Moishe, "I want to take your mother for a trip to Israel for a few months--will you look after the factory for me?"

"Not a problem," says Moishe.

Off go Goldstein and his wife, and they have the most wonderful trip to Israel. On their return, Goldstein is very anxious to find out how things went at the business, so he phones Moishe and they make arrangements to meet at the factory.

"Well," says the father, "how did the business go while I was away?"

Moishe goes to the drawer and brings out the books. "No problems," says Moishe, and he opens up the books for his father. And guess what--Moishe had tripled the sales.

Mr. Goldstein is absolutely overjoyed and asks his son, "How did you achieve this result?"

Moishe answers that it was just too easy. He goes to another drawer and brings out a poster of Jesus on the cross, and underneath is written in big letters, WE USED GOLDSTEIN'S NAILS.

Well, the father is horrified-- "How could you do this to me?! You know that I am president of the local U.J.A., I sit on the board of the Keren Kayemeth--your Mother is president of her Hadassah Group--I want you should never embarrass me like this again!"

Moishe apologizes and promises that it won't happen again.

A year later, Goldstein has the urge again to visit Israel. So, he again asks Moishe to look after the factory while he and Mrs. Goldstein make the trip. "Not a problem," says Moishe. Well, off they go, and they have a very enjoyable time, covering the country from north to south, east to west, and when eventually they return home, Mr. Goldstein again phones Moishe to meet him in the factory and go over the figures. They meet at the appointed time, and Moishe again brings out the books to show his dad the figures. Guess what--again he has tripled the figures. Well, Mr. Goldstein is absolutely delighted, and just a little bewildered.

"Moishe, the last time you tripled the figures, but this time again you tripled THOSE figures. Tell me, how did you achieve such a result?"

"Dead easy," replies Moishe. He goes to the drawer, and brings out a poster of Jesus lying on the ground. And below, in big lettering is printed, WE DID NOT USE GOLDSTEIN'S NAILS.
 
Don't know if it's red X material or not but I'm a believer and still thought it was funny!! LOL I'll probably get struck by lightning now.....there's even a thunder storm approaching as I type.
 
tumblr_qgnejo1vET1ylu2kz.mp4
 
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