“A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke”
by the Prince of Darkness, Joseph Lucas.
All electrical components and wiring harnesses depend on proper
circuit functioning, which is the transmission of charged ions by
retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke".
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. Don't be
fooled by scientists and engineers talking about excited electrons
and the like. Smoke is the key to all things electrical.
We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of
an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified
repeatedly through empirical testing. For example, if one places a
large copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious
quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to
function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an
electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also
be observed that the component no longer functions.
The logic is elementary and inescapable! The function of the wiring
harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the
wiring harness springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the
system, nothing works right afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for
some time largely because they regularly released large quantities of
smoke from the electrical system.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly
more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or
American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas
is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil,
British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks, and disk brake systems leak
fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national
defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak
smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
Sometimes you may miss the component releasing the smoke that makes
your electrical system function correctly, but if you sniff around
you can often find the faulty component by the undeniable and
telltale smoke smell. Sometimes this is a better indicator than
standard electrical tests performed with a volt-ohm meter.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy
in the form of smoke provides a clear and logical explanation of the
mysteries of electrical components and why they fail.
"A gentleman does not motor about after dark."
- Joseph Lucas, 1842 - 1903
I learned a long time ago that once you let the "Factory Smoke" out of
any electrical device, it is next to impossible to replenish.
