cudak888
Well-Known Member
Not exactly the same, but in the same vein:
Honest Craigslist ad:
"This is a disaster that has - theoretically - $2k worth of parts on it. However, everything is in such bad shape that even pulling the 440 and rebuilding it for something else will be more effort than it is worth, and the valuable interior bits are thrashed so bad that very little is salvageable. Nobody will want the supposedly uber-valuable bits from the car, so you will not recoup any of your expenses on eBay. Rear axle will undoubtedly be a locker just to get your hopes up, and turn out to have been driven dry until damaged beyond repair. Sheet metal? Yes, there's a lot of sheety metal here, all right. It doesn't look that bad at first, but you'll find out it's probably structurally rotted from the bottom up. If it isn't, you're a lucky bugger and might have actually bought yourself a workable, restorable car, but if it was that good, we would have put it on eBay for a wholly unreasonable $12k than sell it to you for $5k."
Craigslist-to-English translation chart for "level of restoration severity:"
"Mint, rust free" = "There are areas of rust at the bottom of the quarter panels and under the vinyl roof trim."
"A little rust" = "The trunk has significant rotting, and/or holes, plus large rust on quarters. Rust is significant around rear window, including at least one hole."
"Some rust" = "Every body panel has significant rust, and there are holes in the hood."
"Restorable" = "The leaf springs shot straight through the floorboards yesterday, injuring two people who were riding in the backseat. I still want $5,000 for it to cover the hospital bills."
"Never wrecked, never crashed" = "...because I'm in denial of these facts."
"Rust-free and completely restored" = "Caked with Bondo and painted in my backyard with the cheapest, Chinese spray gun I could get at Harbor Freight."
"A/C needs freon" = "Compressor is missing."
"It has rack-and-pinion steering" = "Power steering pump is shot."
"Needs tune up" = "The engine seized up when the oil drain plug cross-threaded and fell out."
"Radiator leaking" = "...because the front end of the car is smashed beyond recognition."
"Makes a bit of noise" = "8-track record stuck in radio playing period car commercial: 'Piston engine goes bing-dada-bang-dada-bong, but Mazda go mmmmmmmm.'"
"It's supposed to do that." = "Get out of the car and run, this baby is gonna blow!"
And, of course, "floorpans repaired" equals "I riveted this convenient InstaFloorpan® onto the floorpans. You can get InstaFloorpan® at any parking lot that has minimal security:"
Honest Craigslist ad:
"This is a disaster that has - theoretically - $2k worth of parts on it. However, everything is in such bad shape that even pulling the 440 and rebuilding it for something else will be more effort than it is worth, and the valuable interior bits are thrashed so bad that very little is salvageable. Nobody will want the supposedly uber-valuable bits from the car, so you will not recoup any of your expenses on eBay. Rear axle will undoubtedly be a locker just to get your hopes up, and turn out to have been driven dry until damaged beyond repair. Sheet metal? Yes, there's a lot of sheety metal here, all right. It doesn't look that bad at first, but you'll find out it's probably structurally rotted from the bottom up. If it isn't, you're a lucky bugger and might have actually bought yourself a workable, restorable car, but if it was that good, we would have put it on eBay for a wholly unreasonable $12k than sell it to you for $5k."
Craigslist-to-English translation chart for "level of restoration severity:"
"Mint, rust free" = "There are areas of rust at the bottom of the quarter panels and under the vinyl roof trim."
"A little rust" = "The trunk has significant rotting, and/or holes, plus large rust on quarters. Rust is significant around rear window, including at least one hole."
"Some rust" = "Every body panel has significant rust, and there are holes in the hood."
"Restorable" = "The leaf springs shot straight through the floorboards yesterday, injuring two people who were riding in the backseat. I still want $5,000 for it to cover the hospital bills."
"Never wrecked, never crashed" = "...because I'm in denial of these facts."
"Rust-free and completely restored" = "Caked with Bondo and painted in my backyard with the cheapest, Chinese spray gun I could get at Harbor Freight."
"A/C needs freon" = "Compressor is missing."
"It has rack-and-pinion steering" = "Power steering pump is shot."
"Needs tune up" = "The engine seized up when the oil drain plug cross-threaded and fell out."
"Radiator leaking" = "...because the front end of the car is smashed beyond recognition."
"Makes a bit of noise" = "8-track record stuck in radio playing period car commercial: 'Piston engine goes bing-dada-bang-dada-bong, but Mazda go mmmmmmmm.'"
"It's supposed to do that." = "Get out of the car and run, this baby is gonna blow!"
And, of course, "floorpans repaired" equals "I riveted this convenient InstaFloorpan® onto the floorpans. You can get InstaFloorpan® at any parking lot that has minimal security:"
