How do I tell my friend that I don’t want him working with me on my car anymore?

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  1. potatograssy

    potatograssy Member

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    Hey gearheads,


    At the risk of sounding like a complete moron, I’m faced with a predicament I didn’t really expect would happen. A while ago, my best friend did me a solid and loaned me some cash to buy a ‘68 Charger, which is my dream car. To be clear - he didn’t lend me all of the money, just added less than a third of it so I’d have enough to get my hands on the car. I’ve since paid him back and I thought that would be the end of it. But, no.


    We live across the street from each other, and the car is in my garage, where I fiddle around with it in my spare time. Every time he sees me working on it, he immediately drops whatever he’s doing and joins me. At first I didn’t mind him and enjoyed the company, but there are times when I prefer to be alone. To make matters worse, he spent his childhood in Australia and doesn’t even like cars. He owns an online business and has done well for himself, especially since it’s a gambling site or something (https://www.wild-card-city.com/wild-card-city-in-australia/).


    Anyway, the problem is that he doesn’t shut up at all and there are times when he’s just distracting me from working on the car. It’s gotten to the point where he just invites himself over and stays even after I finish working, and the worst part is that he can’t take a hint. I’ve tried explaining things to him, but it’s like doesn’t even hear what I’m saying. I get that I need to let him down easy, but I don’t want to seem ungrateful, especially since he was there when I needed a favor. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem fair that I should repay the kindness for as long as I’m alive, that’s just overkill. Any advice???
     
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    • Dakar Timm

      Dakar Timm Well-Known Member

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      I had the same experiances . Sometimes I would just send them on an errand . Sounds like he is very lonely and very bored. Be honest and straight up .
       
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      • 440 PHIXX

        440 PHIXX The Island of Misfit Mopars FBBO Gold Member

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        That’s why garage doors without windows are nice.
         
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        • t.flatt

          t.flatt Well-Known Member

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          I prefer working on my stuff alone we with no distractions so, the only advice I have is to keep the garage closed.
           
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          • GetX'd

            GetX'd Making Life Great Again! FBBO Gold Member

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            Yeah - That sounds like a tough one. I’m curious - You say this guy is your best friend? What other things do you do with him and how do you tolerate him then? Best friends usually become so because they have a special bond. In anticipation of your response - I too would at this point - some other time when away from the car - have a couple beers and a heart to heart. Frankly that situation would drive me nuts too. You have to set some boundaries - clear ones regarding your alone time with your new best friend. Then to not risk shutting him out completely on other best friend stuff make an effort to still go out once in awhile as you likely did before.
             
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            • BeepBeepRR

              BeepBeepRR FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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              Ahh just tell him you have a highly contagious STD and it jumps human to human.
               
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              • Stanton

                Stanton Well-Known Member

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                "Fuck off" always works for me !!

                Since he's Australian, start or end with the word "mate". As in "Fuck off mate".

                And since, according to a recent survey, you live in America's "rudest state", he should understand completely.
                 
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                • Danny Boy

                  Danny Boy Secret of life is enjoying the passage of time JT

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                  My father used to tell me the best way to lose "friends/family" is to loan them money...

                  He wasn't against lending money, his logic (mindset) being that you've just freely "given/donated/gifted" this "friend/relative/family member" money(loan) - that probably won't be paid back....

                  My father sure didn't like money to come between friends/family and was prudent in his dealings. He didn't give money away and yet was generous

                  Don't know if this makes sense.

                  Unfortunately, when we are the beneficiary of a 'loan/good will" that can be a "harpoon" in our side till paid off

                  Also, need to understand that coming to disagreements with neighbors can be tricky as you have to live/deal with them daily...
                   
                • Dennis H

                  Dennis H FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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                  Sitting at Hooters in Hollywood one day with a bunch of Mopar guys, an Aussie called and asked directions to the restaurant. I handed the phone to ANOTHER Aussie at the table. I have NO IDEA what language either one of them was speaking. Maybe it’s a communication issue.
                   
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                  • Ron H

                    Ron H FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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                    The other deal here, sounds like he doesn’t know how to work on cars? So he’s just there to chat? I’d try pretty much ignoring him when you’re working on it. Maybe ask him to get a tool you might need without engaging in his chit-chat. When he might ask if you heard what he was saying say sorry I wasn’t listening I’m trying to figure out whatever you’re trying to do. Could even spout a few cuss words while you’re working on something. He might get the hint he’s ahh…not helping. Otherwise just let him know you're not able to multi-task on conversation trying to focus on your project.

                    I have a great buddy from HS who knows a lot about cars; BUT he and I can be like oil & water when we work together on something. He’s always in a friggin rush on stuff and I’m the opposite to a fault. First time I got really peeved at him was last summer when his antics scratched my truck being in a hurry while he’s trying to prod me into a rush cuz we were going to go to a car show afterwards. I said “WFD hey, you working on piecework…if you’re in a hurry here I’m not!” Good friends can give each other crap and not cause heard feelings.
                     
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                    • Stanton

                      Stanton Well-Known Member

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                      Treat it like a woman giving birth ... tell him to go boil some water.
                       
                    • Durandal25

                      Durandal25 FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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                      ....well, there a number of paths to hurting a person's feelings, but in truth the car is probably just secondary reason to hang out. I'd say be patient and let it go. You gain nothing by hurting his feelings and even less since he lives across the street.
                       
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                      • Budnicks

                        Budnicks You Can Just Thank Me Later FBBO Gold Member

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                        If he is "your best friend" you should know way better
                        then a bunch of strangers on some forum...

                        good luck
                         
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                        • chtampa

                          chtampa FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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                          Tell him you have to wear a mask when he is there and it overshadows your play time.
                           
                        • Darter6

                          Darter6 FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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                          I went thru the same. New guy came to town and had a 67 R/T. He had a storage unit next to my Brother-in-law.
                          Brother-in-law brought him by my (car hobby )shop.From that point the guy was there everyday 7 am sharp. He was like a booger you couldn't flick off.
                          If I changed my times he would just sit and wait. At first I thought what the heck why not let him hang around. After he started putting his fingers in my work making me have do overs and double checking if I walked away. It became a problem. I started telling him "I won't be at the shop tomorrow" I actually had to not even show up for days. He didn't get the message. Finally said I can't take you anymore. It was hard but what else could I do ? Luck came my way as a Hot Rod shop opened down the street and he started going there.
                          You just gotta tell him.
                           
                        • WileERobby

                          WileERobby Well-Known Member

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                          My best friend & I grew up together in Brooklyn. I could tell him to take a hike in a second, and vice-versa, without batting an eyelash. I wouldn't lend, I'd give him money & tell him he's ugly as snot at the same time. In your situation, if that's not the case, utilize a third party... someone you have come over when he's there, who'll tell him to shut up & leave you alone.
                           
                        • Kern Dog

                          Kern Dog Life is full of turns. Build your car to handle. FBBO Gold Member

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                          I suggest you offer to massage him every time he comes over. Either he gets turned off and leaves or turned on and stays.
                           
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                          • Durandal25

                            Durandal25 FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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                            lol....awesome.
                             
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                            • Stanton

                              Stanton Well-Known Member

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                              Its one thing when they "hang around", its another when they start helping without being asked. When that happens you have to nip it in the bud right away. And honestly, even if someone asks me to do something on their car, I EXPECT them to check my work. Its their car and their life.
                               
                            • streetmachine

                              streetmachine FBBO Gold Member FBBO Gold Member

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                              Tough situation but, I would be honest with him and tell him that working on the Charger is personal therapy time and you prefer working alone. When you said you paid him back, did you also pay interest on the money he loaned you? One suggestion I have is that if he likes working on a car then maybe he should get a Charger or some other car for himself?
                               
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