patrick66
Well-Known Member
First, let me say that no one really makes a new fruitcake. ALL fruitcake descends from the very first fruitcake, made in the 12th Century not to eat, but to ward off evil spirits! All fruitcake DNA stems from this first "cake". A fruitcake was never, ever intended to actually BE consumed by humans. Throughout the ages, they have been as substitute ammunition for catapults, as cannonballs, and as objects dropped over castle walls to kill climbing invaders. Later, they were used as wheelchocks, building material, and doorstops. During WWII, the Manhattan project used two fruitcakes to simulate the nuclear material in the mock-ups of the first two nuclear bombs, due to their weight and density! These days, we keep giving fruitcakes to people we don't like, as "presents". Notice how they never are eaten, but passed annually as a "present" to someone else. This is why the lifespan of a modern fruitcake is estimated to be from 20 to 100 years! A Twinkie can only hope to last that long! Fruitcakes are also rodent and cockroach-proof, as they have the good sense to stay the hell AWAY from them! And, of course, who can forget the scandal that came from the 1960 Canadian Winter Olympic curling team, as they substituted a fruitcake for a curling stone by sticking a handle in one; and winning the curling competition with an unapproved stone. Some fruitcakes do indeed look, feel and taste like a curling stone!
