Humorous quotes-

[Scott Engelhardt]

Women if we couldn’t have sex with them we would hunt them for sport

 

[BLK 68 R/T]

 

[Grabbergreendream]

 

[DeltaV]

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde

 

[Pops1967GTX]

Who knew mosquito’s would be a solution to violence


Only when Mosquito lands on your Testicles....
do you truly learn to solve problems without violence.​

 

[440RUSH]

Don't trust anything that can bleed for 5 days every month and not die.

 

[alfaitalia]

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!"
Billy Connolly

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” – Alexander Woollcott

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke

“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” – Billy Sunday

“Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.” – Bob Thaves

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” – Clarence Darrow

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.” – Doug Larson

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” – Douglas Adams

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the **** she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres

 

[NoCar2023]

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

Abraham Lincoln

 

[68gtxman]

What the **** was that?!!! -mayor of Hiroshima

 

[Dipstick]

After waking up with a hangover:

"I freed who?"

Abraham Lincoln

 

[Auggie56]

My face looked like I had been through 2 divorces by the age of puberty. Unknown

 

[Slap Stick]

Women. You can't live with them and you can't make soup from their bones. -Sonny Barger

If you don't think your head is worth the price of a quality helmet you're probably right. - Me

 

[Pops1967GTX]

 

[Pops1967GTX]

 

[Triplegreen500]

Women. Can't live with 'em....can't fit more than three in the trunk.

 

[mpgmike]

Preserved on the ancient 'graffiti wall' near the Greek Parthenon (original graffiti dated to the Grecko-Roman era, translated to English):

"Everyone writes on the walls 'cept me"

 

[1STMP]

I've got a great memory, it's just an inch long.

If it's anything I can't stand, it's something I
don't like.

If what you say is true, you might be right.

 

[moparedtn]

"I drank what??"
- Socrates

 

[Dipstick]

"I freed who?"

Abraham Lincoln....wakening with a hangover