Let's post some fun stuff here
- Thread starter Snowtrooper1966
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A Real Story From England
The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of its guest. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to
the London Sunday Times.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish.
They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your
Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
little bars of soap.
When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had
added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which are on the
shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
Please remove them.
S. Berman
-------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
apologies for any past inconvenience.
If you have any future complaints, please contact
me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between
8AM and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
---------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.
Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
-------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room,
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54
little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.
Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my
bath-size Dial.
Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
---------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I
personally returned them.
The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to
receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.
Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so
she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.
I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
On the shelf under the medicine cabinet - 18 Camay
in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay
in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On the bedroom dresser -
1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory,
and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in
3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted.
Also, please advise her that stacks of morethan 4 have a tendency to tip.
May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an
excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased
another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in
order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of its guest. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to
the London Sunday Times.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish.
They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your
Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
little bars of soap.
When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had
added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which are on the
shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
Please remove them.
S. Berman
-------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
apologies for any past inconvenience.
If you have any future complaints, please contact
me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between
8AM and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
---------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.
Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
-------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room,
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54
little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.
Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my
bath-size Dial.
Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
---------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I
personally returned them.
The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to
receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.
Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so
she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.
I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
On the shelf under the medicine cabinet - 18 Camay
in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay
in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On the bedroom dresser -
1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory,
and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in
3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted.
Also, please advise her that stacks of morethan 4 have a tendency to tip.
May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an
excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased
another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in
order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
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Mopar Art - Ed "Big Daddy" Roth water slide decal . . .
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Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science..
The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.
The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.
I’m driving around looking for a parking spot.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m going through a lot right now.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m going through a lot right now.
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That's really punny!
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Keep in mind which day the pick up is when putting out cardboard recycling...
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- Joined
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- Location
- Surrey, B.C. Canada
- Local time
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- Location
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- Local time
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- Local time
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If that was the result of a panic stop, I tend to believe that the driver didn't make out very well.
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mpgmike
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