ok i need some older guys help .

[Hemi 354]

Been married over 46 years and still playing with cars. If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.

 

[mmissile]

It's all about your priorities. You can handle it anyway you see fit....and that'll determine your future. Sounds like you're in, over your head.

 

[1968rick]

Why are you asking the question....by your response your mind is made up......Is she worried about the hoarding?

 

[WP29440SE]

if a woman cant and doesn't accept me for what I want out of my life , and doesn't care about what makes me happy , she is getting kicked to the curb. I made that mistake one time , never again. I am still trying to recover from the losses all because I "thought" I was doing the right thing. don't let another human choose , or put you in a situation to make choice , about how and what makes you happy. its sounds to me like she needs to find something that makes her happy instead of making you miserable. but im not there to see or hear whats going on, just my 2 cents

 

[mmissile]

All good relationships in life, require some compromise.

 

[Bb70charger500]

Well my mind isn't made up yet that's why I'm asking. Not sure if I should tell her tough or fold again ,my house looks like a normal house my cars are all stored indoors except for a few (the flips they get car covers and or get parked out back . The people on ether side don't care and there's an allye behind the house backed up by woods. She wants me to just sell the r/t and stop with the car buying

 

[WP29440SE]

She wants me to just sell the r/t and stop with the car buying

maybe I missed it but,

is it your money?
are all your other financial obligations met ?
are the bills paid , lights on , food in the house?
are you spending your disposable cash on your hobby?

if the answer is yes , she can pound sand. we split all our bills, any money that each of us has left over is money we spend on what ever the hell we want to. that's why it works for us. I don't complain about what she spends her money on and I don't hear a word about what I do with mine.

 

[Bb70charger500]

Yes everything is payed and further more we don't split the bills I played the house and car payments back before I payed it all off she pays the water and elc we split the cell phone bill and we each pay whatever c.c. we have (me I have non as I pay my stuff up front if I can't afford it I don't buy it )(her she owes a lot because way back when she found the wonders of c.c.'s and charged the hell out of them . Occasionally I pay her bills too .but yes what I spend is extra funds that I earned. I just feel guilty I guess because my bank acct looks good and she is always hovering around 0 i give her money to catch up and she blows it ,hell just the other mouth she asked for $2000 to put in her account I gave it to her she said it's to help pay bills off . Moneys gone bills are still here? Hmm that worked good.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off alone ,but I do need her because of my back sometime s I need help getting dressed and stuff like that so I don't know.that's why I'm asking

 

[69a100]

Well my mind isn't made up yet that's why I'm asking. She wants me to just sell the r/t and stop with the car buying.

Dude, you have a serious problem here, and if you can't figure it out, you have bigger problems then that! If you can't stop buying, then you need help, what's wrong with selling 1 car and not buying? This ain't rocket science unless you want it to be.

Yes everything is payed and further more we don't split the bills I played the house and car payments back before I payed it all off she pays the water and elc we split the cell phone bill and we each pay whatever c.c. we have (me I have non as I pay my stuff up front if I can't afford it I don't buy it )(her she owes a lot because way back when she found the wonders of c.c.'s and charged the hell out of them . Occasionally I pay her bills too .but yes what I spend is extra funds that I earned. I just feel guilty I guess because my bank acct looks good and she is always hovering around 0 i give her money to catch up and she blows it ,hell just the other mouth she asked for $2000 to put in her account I gave it to her she said it's to help pay bills off . Moneys gone bills are still here? Hmm that worked good.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off alone ,but I do need her because of my back sometime s I need help getting dressed and stuff like that so I don't know.that's why I'm asking

I think she's jealous cause you have coin and she doesn't! You really need to find out why she doesn't have the 2K you gave her to pay the bills. You need to find out why yesterday on that or your marriage isn't going to last! You both have jobs right? Get decent pay in those checks? Why is she broke, what's she have to show for it? BTW, this is coming from a person that's never been married. You got bigger problems than cars son!

 

[Chargerjase]

I can see one problem straight off the bat. You didn't talk to her before you purchased anything. The answer would surely have been no by the sounds of it. The point is that marriage is a partnership and acting alone is not behaving like a partner should. Having said that, it sounds like there is more going on here than your car buying. If you truely love and value your wife, you need to sit down and work through your issues. Communication is the key my friend. Good luck.

 

[Budnicks]

from an older dude...LOL, yeah but I'm only 56...LOL

Family responsibilities need to be 1st & foremost
sounds like there's more to this than just the cars...

Love is respect

Both yours & her Bills & contractual obligations second,
need to be taken care of
The cars are replaceable for the most part &
seems to me, it sounds like you have quite a few cars/projects in the fire too...
Maybe, just maybe thinking of thinning out/culling the herd,
a little bit, doesn't sound like a bad idea...
BUT only if that's what you both agree on, not forced to do,
or if it's the best outcome, for all concerned...

I have to ask a few questions, IMO you need to ask yourself too...

were you into cars & collecting projects, all the likes that comes with all that,
when you 1st met her or when you 1st got married ?

can you afford to do what your doing with all these projects ?
do you make $$$ doing it, to help offset the expenses ?
or is it purely for the sake of doing it, collecting stuff ?

do you have a hoarding or out of control collecting problem?,
really ask yourself do you really need all of these projects ?

do both of you work & contribute ?

does she work ?

does she contribute ?
IF she does, it's a big part of her thinking process or decisions no doubt...

does she have any expensive hobby/s ?
do you both do anything together, that you both enjoy ?

is she pissed about the #'s of cars ?
or is it they don't run the clutter, the expense taking away from needs etc. ?

or is it she isn't into the projects aspects ?
or time turn around or patients aspect maybe ?

I never really had a problem with my spending & time spent on my projects...
I was lucky I had a woman that loved me for me,
when we met she knew I loved racing & would not try to always change me,
to be something I'm not, I felt the same about her & what she wanted/liked...
Lisa {RIP} was into going with me racing, she liked the travel too...
I was big into drag racing & spent allot of time, money & checking out projects,
building cars, fabrication etc...
Some to help pay for my racecar addictions...LOL
But she was into her own cars, her Jeep, my 4x4's & her horse trailers too,
she was always polishing & cleaning everything...
We both & sometimes the kids spent allot of time in the shop together too,
I tried to make it fun too...
I also helped with her Horses, she loved cutting horses, rodeos, barrels, roping & quarter horses
we shared the responsibilities & my car/project/racing/travel funds or her car or horse stuff
{well kind of anyway, horses, property & feed, vets & all that necessary crap are pretty pricey too}
BUT; it didn't ever take away from what the house, kids, bills, food etc.

We both love animals, dogs too, but that's a whole another topic there...LOL

I sold projects all the time, especially if it was necessary or sometimes just to pay taxes,
even when work or time got slow, family & house 1st, to fund something else or
to buy something for her or the kids needs etc.
IF I got bored & didn't touch them in a while too, they would be gone,
we agreed on that, But she did the same with her horse stuff too...

I didn't like having a bunch of projects around either,
I concentrated on only a couple at a time, that would be plenty,
I didn't treat it as a compulsion, impulse buys, that I had to have something,
when I really didn't need it...

I made decent money too, enough to justify my expenditures,
rarely not take away from our living or household expenditures &
I also had decent storage facilities, to not clutter/hoard up my house or yards...

She met me when I was racing, she knew I was into cars,
she knew I loved doing what I did...
I worked hard to give her & the kids everything she & they wanted,
she respected what I did or wanted & intern I respected what she liked & what she wanted...
We would compromise IF necessary too,
neither one of us would demand the other does anything,
it was always a mutual agreement, compromise IF necessary...
But we both might infer, suggest something & talk about it too,
but never play the you do this or else cards/hand, that just creates resentment...

IF they are doing that they may not be the right partner either...

A Happy Wife is a Happy Life...
IF she's not you'll always be miserable too,
you need to know hat you & your mate can be & do...

IF you can afford to do what your doing, not rob Peter to pay Paul constantly
IF it's not a big *** mess/clutter, making a living condition bad for one or the other
IF your not ignoring her or your obligations in any way...

I don't think it's a good idea to just buckle under either,
there needs to be a compromise & respect of each others likes & dislikes...

Like I said earlier, love is total respect & trust...

Do you trust her & respect her ?
Does she trust & respect you ?
Is it a financial burden, possibly making her life more difficult than it should be ?
Remember women are nesting creatures, by nature...
Remember everything is about the nest/home stability, even in financial aspects,
IMO they want to be noticed & taken care of, not ignored & taken advantage of...

You really need to sit down & talk, not argue, not go to bed mad...
Hash out what's the underlying issues, not scream & yell, be calm..
IMO IF you can't do that you'll never be happy...

Be honest;
is it all you ?
or is she being unreasonable ?

ask yourself all the above, make a reasonable decision, not a rash one, by either of you...

sorry for running on & the looooong a$$ post
good luck

 

[coloradodave]

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off alone ,but I do need her because of my back sometime s I need help getting dressed and stuff like that so I don't know.that's why I'm asking "

You need her sometimes to help you get dressed!! Man, if that's the only reason you can come up with to stay together, let her go. You'll both be better off. You can hire a live-in caregiver for a lot less money and you can both find a happier life.

 

[mmissile]

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off alone ,but I do need her because of my back sometime s I need help getting dressed and stuff like that so I don't know.that's why I'm asking"



Lots of thoughts....no words.

 

[Bb70charger500]

Well guys the more you write the more the D word pops in my head.I do love my wife we've been together for 10+ years married for about 6 of those years.she doesn't talk she yells shes italian and from long island I'm italian and from New Jersey so we don't take we yell . I don't like yelling though but it's the only way she will listen. Yes I was into cars way before we meet and I actually told her I will never give up my cars I will always have at least 3 laying around. She knew that before we got married. She has a job and works 40 hours a week . I no longer can work but I used every dime I had to pay everything off so we could live debt free (except her bills) my car hobby always payed use when we needed extra cash for home repairs or if she needed something like her dentel work(I'vpayed out over $25,000 in dentel work for her just by selling my cars ) and when I buy new cars to try and make money I get chewed out .I don't keep everything most cats only stay for a week or two .Then they make me money. The problem is I have my rallye the rt came up so I bought it I want to set the rt aside until the rallye is ether a finished or be sold I don't need both of them. The sunroof car I bought for her and it's in storage I was getting ready to pull it out and send it to paint and finish it. All the rest of the cars are just passing threw. I need the two parts cars for the rt once I've gotten the needed parts they will leavei don't keep caucuses around.she enjoys going to car shows with me and used to help work on the cars here lately she wants nothing to do with me or our pets just her Facebook .
We also rescue needy dogs as a hobby together we retrain them and find them new homes

 

[CudaChick1968]

If she doesn't like cars now and never liked cars before, nothing is ever going to change ... even if the number of projects dwindles down to two. There's always going to be a "problem" in some way.

You mentioned she has her own car. Did she have it before you got together? Did you have YOURS before you got together? If your wife has no interest in them, in helping you work on yours or hers, in the car hobby in general (or apparently in even seeing you happy??), I won't sit here and offer any advice about how to fix it. You can't. You'll either concede all of your life to keep her happy and stay miserable -- trust me, it won't JUST be about cars later; this is just a starting point -- or you'll spend yours alone.

 

[mmissile]

"lately she wants nothing to do with me or our pets just her Facebook "

BIG problem. I've seen facebook destroy so many relationships....

 

[Seventy]

WOW, I mean so much has been revealed her, kudos to you for having the balls to share this stuff...

I have to say, maybe you and your wife should be talking to a third party, you said you are only 28, don't waste your youth with the wrong person, some of us were lucky enough to find the right one at an early age, or even at all... Do you guys go to church, a lot of times there are people there that can mediate for you, or even if you dont regularly attend, most churches will offer "free advice" for lack of a better term.

As far as the face book comment, I have seen that ruin some families, I personally will NEVER join or use it, there are a few problems with it. Like there is no instant accountability, so someone can say something negative and not have the person right in front of them to see their response, and it gets out of hand pretty fast. BUT besides that, some people link up with people they havent seen in years, from school, past jobs, past friends of friends, etc. And they share this connection that can seem exciting, intriguing, mysterious, etc, all feelings that are stepping stones to something more serious, and again with out the instant accountability, they can say something flirty or on the "line" with the anticipation of something positive in return, its a dangerous slope... something innocent but not so, can get carried away pretty fast, she says "I always liked you" he replies "no way I thought you were way out of my league" and it takes off from there.......


SO anyway, all that aside, none of us know your wife or your relationship beyond this post, so take anything said here with a grain of salt. If this is something that deteriorated over time, just got bad, was bad from the beginning, we have no idea. Most stories have 3 sides to them, and any situation involving emotion can have no "right" answer.

I wish you luck, but the truth is you should be going to a reliable trusted third party to help you and her deal with this issues, I have a feeling it doesnt have much to do with cars. Sometimes people just want to not be happy, if you didnt have the cars it may be a different argument, if that wasnt there something else, etc. I sometimes think my sister is this way, I feel bad for the men that have been in her life, she starts off happy, then even happier, then when tthe dust settles and life starts to go by and they settle into the "norm", like your relation ship routine, she wants out, so looks for reasons to be miserable, I have a feeling even a perfect person would be found to be terrible after a while...

 

[dieseldazzle]

Sell everything but the RT. Make your dream come true

 

[Bb70charger500]

Guys you've given me a lot to think about. It just feels like no matter what I do it's never enough things used to be differentb before we got married was hoping it would of come back eventually. But the more time that pass's the more I don't think it will ever be the same. She does like cars she did before we meet and still does today just for some reason not the ones here I guess I've had tons of nice restored cars and always get rid of them for projects maybe she doesn't understand that I get rid of them to help fund a house repair or her college classes or even her dentel work I don't know.
We've been to a specialist together once before she told me to run ! A week or so after she was 100% better then after that dropped back to her normal self again.
Maybe we will go again to see if maybe this time it will sink in better.
I decided I'm keeping my cars and if she doesn't like it she knows where the door is .
I may or may not sell the r/t if someone makes me a very good offer I might let it go but as of now it stays till I can get to that fork in the road .I do need to consider my back problems if the cars to far gone or to much work it will be sold if it's the same or better then my rallye it will stay and the rallye will go .

 

[BeatersRus]

"lately she wants nothing to do with me or our pets just her Facebook "

BIG problem. I've seen facebook destroy so many relationships....

you missing the point Bb
read that above again.
theres more going on than just your cars.
dont bother taking a stand there.

she stopped doing car shows And the dogs,right?
find out why and what shes into now,or youll lose her..
Fb is the Devil.