- Local time
- 9:35 PM
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2012
- Messages
- 20,677
- Reaction score
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- Location
- Surrey, B.C. Canada
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in
the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computer and spreadsheetprograms.
3. Received a plaque for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job; maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond
to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. As indicated, I have over five years of analyzing investements.
19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have
never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get
to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those
conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computer and spreadsheetprograms.
3. Received a plaque for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job; maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond
to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. As indicated, I have over five years of analyzing investements.
19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have
never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get
to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those
conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
