WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE

[Auggie56]

NOWHERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTORSPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE it's TRUE.

 

[Slap Stick]

Sleep on the couch? NFW! The bed is mine, too!
Sex is not a weapon.

You want to sleep by yourself? File for divorce and move out.

Don't marry us thinking you can change us. If you agree to marry us why do you want us to change?

You are not our mommy. We already have one.

If you want something done and want us to do it, don't tell us how to do it. And the house doesn't need remodeling again or new furniture for the umpteenth time, either.

 

[Auggie56]

"Don't marry us thinking you can change us. If you agree to marry us why do you want us to change?"

Sad isn't it? I have known women like this that divorced over the very thing.

 

[kiwigtx]

I can read upside-down and words that are jumbled....but All Capitals really makes my brain hurt.

 

[MarPar]

 

[kiwigtx]

View attachment 917251

That looks like Chapter 1 only.

 

[HEMI-ITIS]

OMFG!! My sides hurt!

 

[8stackhemi]

NOWHERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTORSPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE it's TRUE.

Ha, I just read ALL these to my wife & she was not amused.......so, I read it to her AGAIN!!! Yahoo!

 

[Pikser]

View attachment 917251

my wife said this is chapter 1 with 19 or so more to follow.

 

[68gtxman]

When will women learn (if ever) the difference between “can you do this?” and “will you do this?” The answer to the first question is obviously “yes I can” but results in no action on the man’s part. (Do I hear a little Monty Python in this?) The answer to the other question is usually “sure honey, I’d do anything for you!” and the task would then be accomplished.

 

[8stackhemi]

Told my wife Gretchen, who I truly love dearly!.....that ‘it just seems to me that a little.....& be it MOST sincere.....‘Blo......’ is really in order here!’
Can you believe I got.....No Reply!?!
At 71, am I missing something??

 

[CudaChick1968]

If I had a trophy right now I'd give it to you @Auggie56 ... that was GREAT!

 

[HEMI-ITIS]

Told my wife "blo" is just an expression,,,,,suck baby SUCK!
So the next time I asked her to........she bought me this and said.......

Now you can blow yourself whenever and as much as you like

 

[HEMI-ITIS]

And another thing,,I might not always be right but she's never WRONG!

Quicknick the dick is the same way

 

[YY1]

I was single when I bought my house.

I had a sign hanging over the toilet that read-

"This is a man's house. Please make sure the seat is in the UP position before exiting"

 

[conv67bdere]

That looks like Chapter 1 only.

Oh come on, that's only the introduction . . Chapter one would have to be much longer . .

 

[Auggie56]

If I had a trophy right now I'd give it to you @Auggie56 ... that was GREAT!

Thanks but it's not mine but it has addressed things I can agree with.

 

[Slap Stick]

I always put the seat down after using the terlet.
Along with the lid.
If I have to raise the seat they have to raise the lid.

I've even been known to sprinkle water from the sink on the terlet seat. Wimmen wonder why I laugh when they scream.

 

[HEMI-ITIS]

I have 3 daughters and 3 grandaughters,,,,,,,,I'm over ruled!!!

 

[8stackhemi]

I always put the seat down after using the terlet.
Along with the lid.
If I have to raise the seat they have to raise the lid.

I've even been known to sprinkle water from the sink on the terlet seat. Wimmen wonder why I laugh when they scream.

Ahhh Slap Stick,.....’sprinkles’........love it!