Women's rights and empowerment???

[747mopar]

Well said Bud. I think morals are the key, people aren't ashamed of anything anymore not even robbing a once loved one.

 

[conv67bdere]

Time for me to get on my soapbox . . .

Been down that road myself, and I've got the battle scars to prove it . . . and many of the things stated in this forum are so spot on . . . but there is some more that I would like to share with this group . . .

My ex informed me that I had a choice, we go to marriage counseling or I move out of the house - her exact words. ( NOTE - word of warning - do not move out of the house, under any circumstance, or you can be charged with abandonment - things will only get worse - talk to your lawyer ) Prior to the 3rd session, I saw a letter from an attorney's office in the mailbox address to my ex. At the session, she very coldly stated that she did not want to be married any longer - that's all she wrote.

Talked to a lawyer, get separation papers drawn up, sleeping on the floor in the spare bedroom, the ex has her mom move into the house to help with the kids after telling me to my face that she would stay with a friend and come to the house after I left for work. This went on for 6 months - even after 6 requests from my attorney that she sign a "waiver" to allow me to move out of the house and not get charged with abandonment - she never responded to a single request.

In the negotiations - we had a sizable "debt" and it was interesting that it was very close to the amount in my retirement account - so I made the stipulation in the divorce decree that I would take all of the debt, leaving her debt free to help my kids lives, in exchange she had to sign that she would forfeit all claims of getting any of the money in my retirement account - BEST move I ever did ( wait, second, leaving her was the first ). The ex agreed.

Get the paperwork signed on a Friday, moved out of the house and in with a friend over the weekend, and walk into work on Monday and get terminated from my job at IBM ( IBM had a policy of never letting anyone go - first time in history ). Informed the ex, and her first words were - how am I going to get my child support every month - that's all she cared about. After 6 months, find a new job in Charlotte - 3 hours from Raleigh, and move to start my new job.

Forgot this - you'll see what I had to deal with - as I was moving out, the ex said to me - " now that you're moving out of the house you'll be stopping by and cutting the grass every week - right ?" . . . Seriously - she did.

Spent many a hour in my truck driving 3 hours to Raleigh ( or more to their marching band competitions - never missed one ) - to see the 30 min - 2 hour event and then turn around and drive home - get in after midnight, and back to work at 6AM. The parents at these events were amazed that I never missed an event, living 3 ours away, and that their own mother never attended a single event.

Later on in the child support payments, the ex approached me and said she wanted $300 more each month - I told her not from me, take me to court. And guess what, she DID take me to court. The result of the "arbitration" was that child support was REDUCED $50/month. ( had a conversation with my oldest a couple weeks later asking if we went to court for child support - I told her that was not her business - she told me mom came home one day, mad as a hornet, cursing, swearing, and throwing thing int h house and she wondered why ? ) She proceeded to take me to court 3-4 more times over the next 3-4 years asking for more money - and EVERY time that I went to court, my child support was dropped $25-50/month.

When my oldest turned 16, she no longer wanted to live with he mom and wanted to move in with me. The the ex told my oldest that if she left to move in with me, that she would have her child support reduced by 2/3 and that she would not be able to survive without it - thus manipulating her into not leaving to live with me. She did not share this with me until after she turned 18 and left her mom and moved in with me. Her own mom told her if she continued to live with her that she would have to pay $300/month rent.

Even with the very large amount of ( tax free ) child support that I was paying to support my kids - she managed to claim bankruptcy ! ! ! As I was working usually 2 jobs to try and make ends meet and have a house for my girls to come home to - every other weekend.

As my youngest approached 18, and the child support stopping, I had a conversation with my oldest, that basically came down to the ex thought that it would be nice if the two of us were to get re-married ? ? ? ?

She violated many terms of the divorce decree - including not paying the $3000 she owes me for her half of the fees to put braces on my girls - funny how when the money went to her, the divorce decree was "bible", but when it meant her paying something to me, it didn't need to be followed.

End result - I'm in a much better place now and "KARMA" has seemed to show her how paybacks are hell . . . thank you KARMA ! ! ! ! ( smile )

Time to step off my soapbox -

 

[Glenwood]

there is a flip side to this though...playing the devil's advocate.
I watched a family torn apart by an alcoholic father. Threw his wife and 5 kids out of their three bedroom apartment. She was a nice lady (as far as I know) who spent perhaps too much time at church if you can believe it. She had no skills and had it pretty rough for a while, then contracted cancer and passed two years later. So sad. Her children got split up between foster homes through the help of the church and managed to stay close over the years.
A clearly unfair situation and she was not protected.

It's tough for our judicial systems to be fair and impartial as they're supposed to be. I just wish legal people could look at the facts of each case and forget about gender as far as how the children are to be best served.

 

[super-bee_ski]

I've unfortunately had to sit and watch 2 divorces in my close family and can't help but get angry as hell about the way the system works. It doesn't matter how great of a father or husband a man has been he's getting bent over and unless there's something severely wrong with the mother he's not getting custody. Why is it that we always have to hear about women's rights, equal oppurtunity and how they aren't being treated fairly but the second one decides to screw around on a loyal supportive spouse they're all of a sudden incapable of making it without robbing the man of his lively hood???????? Half his retirement, spousal support, child support even though there's shared parenting, half the belongings and all while living with another man... It's painful to sit on the sidelines and bite my tongue especially while watching the children be used as leverage. How about a little EQUALITY around here for once, seams to me that there's always an admittance of weakness the second they're on their own.
Please don't take this as an attack on women but on the absolute evil ones that care nothing about the man that took care of them and his family and will stop at nothing to take everything..... pure evil! Rant over

X2
Been there, done that in 1991

 

[BigBlock61]

Absolutely, matter of fact the NEW man fits that bill. I'd be willing to bet the dead beat dad's outweigh the dead beat moms but dammit don't throw us all under the bus. Comes down to the court's not doing their job, an unbiased assessment!

In physical numbers you are probably right about their being more deadbeat dads but in terms of ratios, deadbeat moms rule. My ex was a deadbeat mom I had male friends who also had custody of their kids who's exes were deadbeats. I got lucky, when my wife left me I drove over to her parents house where she went and said the kids were coming with me, she went for it. I did go through 3 different lawyers till I found one who would fight for me. It was tough but I got everything I wanted.

 

[747mopar]

That's great to hear 61, glad it worked out for you.

 

[Roger63]

I never had any of the child disputes with my first wife due to not having any. But she got me thrown in jail when I caught her with her boyfriend in my house. 18 days I sat in jail waiting for my first court appearance only to be drug into judges chambers. Lucky me turns out the judge is her great uncle. So I'm thinking I'm looking at at least 2 years, to my surprise he gives me 48 hours to leave Georgia. I lost 2cars my painting business and got away with a duffle bag and $150 . She died 5 years later of a drug overdose.

 

[Bruzilla]

I've never understood the divorce strategy, especially with stay-at-home moms. You have a guy working, with an established job, time off, medical, etc., and mom with nothing. Seems far more sensical to award the kids to the father so the mother is freed up to get into the workforce and start establishing herself... but then I guess sitting at home collecting alimony and child support is easier.

 

[steve from staten island]

I've never understood the divorce strategy, especially with stay-at-home moms. You have a guy working, with an established job, time off, medical, etc., and mom with nothing. Seems far more sensical to award the kids to the father so the mother is freed up to get into the workforce and start establishing herself... but then I guess sitting at home collecting alimony and child support is easier.

Think of it this way. You as a man go out and support your family do the right thing. You and your spouse decide she should stay home and tend to the family. You both have jobs to do. You as the male bring home the bacon and she cooks it. Takes care of the kids,cooks ,cleans,laundry and everything else. So whats the value on that? Is there a value on that? Is it more or less like a partnership were each person knows whats expected of the other and strives to do it the best they can? The fact is child support and alimony if awarded is a reflextion on ones ability to pay. So common sense dictates if i make a million a year i might pay more then the guy who picks up your garbage for 30 grand a year,and if that guy who makes 30k is unlucky enough to see his marriage end in divorce there are no winners or losers. He has to live also which translates into not big money for his former wife which then translates into her having to go out and work a job in addition to raising children

 

[Brandy]

Well, in my case her mother took from school in my town one afternoon, she drove her to her home town 110 miles away. Had no warning, no clue. I was frantic. Ex's father( wealthy, southern) bought a judge friend and got our divorce on his docket. It was a forgone conclusion before I ever entered the room. He wouldn't hear anything I said, no matter how damaging, or true. When it came to child support the asshole leap to his feet and condescendingly said with a sneer that HE didn't NEED any of MY money. Judge immediately said ok and that was it. Talk about being railroaded. Here I am, a married, stable, military guy in his 40's with a great income and he gives my daughter to the witch with NO job, a serious mental illness, BIPOLAR and not taking her meds, to live in the grandfathers house, who is a type A asshole from the gitgo. I admit that there were issues on my side as well, involving blending families and kids but this crap was unbelievable. Anyway, Caroline booked at 18 and went to France as a nanny for 2 years. I didn't know any of this and had no way to find her. Finally did, and we are glad.

 

[steve from staten island]

When people knock the law profession your story how unfortunate and wrong it was,is a perfect example of the need for a competent honest attorney's. You had rights and it appears that your ex got the well and you got the shaft. Im glad in later years relationships are better . Your a good man!

 

[Pops1967GTX]

 

[Bruzilla]

This situation reflects the biggest issue I have with women, i.e., they always want things both ways. They are always demanding equality, until they have to take some nasty crap that men have to deal with, then the story changes to "I'm a woman and deserve special treatment." I catch a lot of crap from gals when I refuse to condemn some guy for whacking the crap out of a girl. They play the "a man should never hit a woman" card, and I say all that ended when you guys demanded to be treated equally. If one guy would beat the crap out of another guy for doing that, I see no issue with a woman getting a beating. An irresponsible woman who gets drunk off her *** and has sex is a victim of rape, while the irresponsible guy who gets drunk off his *** and has sex with her is a sexual predator and rapist and must be locked up. Women must have 100% complete say over an abortion, while Dads must have 0% say. If they want equality, then there needs to be one standard and not one side getting all the good stuff and none of the bad.

To me, whoever has the highest and most stable income should get custody. It's never seemed fair to me that in many cases you award custody to a newly-divorced mom who has no job, no accrued benefits, no time off, no nothing. Meanwhile dad has the job, the time off, the insurance, and everything else he needs to handle the kids' issues. Kid needs a ride home? Dad takes off for a couple of hours and deals with it. Mom has to go to her new boss and keep asking for time off and ends up getting fired.

 

[CudaChick1968]

This might sound strange coming from a woman, but after 20 years in the legal field (7 years of which was spent in Family Law), I encouraged my daughter not to live with anybody but to marry him instead. If I also had a son, I'd have told him NOT to get married and to shack up for as long as possible.

There ARE "Father's Rights" attorneys out there people. Find one! It will be worth it, trust me. Attitudes and laws are changing all the time and you can't enforce your rights if you don't know they exist. Check out a site called MartindaleHubbell.com; it's the informal governing body for attorneys and it will help you find a qualified professional in your state.

 

[Hemirunner]

This situation reflects the biggest issue I have with women, i.e., they always want things both ways. They are always demanding equality, until they have to take some nasty crap that men have to deal with, then the story changes to "I'm a woman and deserve special treatment." I catch a lot of crap from gals when I refuse to condemn some guy for whacking the crap out of a girl. They play the "a man should never hit a woman" card, and I say all that ended when you guys demanded to be treated equally. If one guy would beat the crap out of another guy for doing that, I see no issue with a woman getting a beating. An irresponsible woman who gets drunk off her *** and has sex is a victim of rape, while the irresponsible guy who gets drunk off his *** and has sex with her is a sexual predator and rapist and must be locked up. Women must have 100% complete say over an abortion, while Dads must have 0% say. If they want equality, then there needs to be one standard and not one side getting all the good stuff and none of the bad.

To me, whoever has the highest and most stable income should get custody. It's never seemed fair to me that in many cases you award custody to a newly-divorced mom who has no job, no accrued benefits, no time off, no nothing. Meanwhile dad has the job, the time off, the insurance, and everything else he needs to handle the kids' issues. Kid needs a ride home? Dad takes off for a couple of hours and deals with it. Mom has to go to her new boss and keep asking for time off and ends up getting fired.

This is called liberalism and is indeed a mental disorder. The one thing people need to go back to, in order to understand women, is the Bible. It wasn't Adam who ate off the tree and gave the fruit to Eve. They are the corruptors of Man from day one. They All are.

 

[747mopar]

An update on the particular situation that sparked this thread. With her going after everything he has, hiding his kids from him with threats of taking them permanently and being downright nasty a child advocate was requested.... all I can say is wow! She (the advocate) did a thorough investigation, questioning people close, getting medical records, etc.. The hearing where they presented the findings resulted in the advocate recommending that the kids only spend one day per week with the mother with no overnight stays and they put a restraining order on the new boyfriend.... hmmmm

Justice served!

Still waiting on the financial hearing. She wants 50% of everything but according to the lawyer she's not entitled to any pre marital equity which leaves the cars and half of what they've paid on their home. She took 2 cars (1 for the boyfriend) and $25,000 out of their savings soooo???? Hope she gets burned.

 

[OK charger]

My first wife told me after I had put her through nursing school she wanted a divorce. I had seen this coming for a while.B BTW I was working a couple of part time off duty security gigs to pay for this. I agree and the first thing she wants is the house, half my retirement and child support plus alimony. I told her she was crazy. So her attorney and her cook up that a restraining order would be a good idea because I would call her at work to ask about something for the kids...I'm watching them at night while shes working her new job. Well instead of court our attorneys think that we can work out something in their office. We meet and I state that these terms are unacceptable. Her attorney wants to know which ones..I said all. My attorney states that her demands do not follow with Oklahoma law.
First...I state if your so gung ho to get a restraining order on me because I call you at work sometimes you won't get any child support. She asks why ..I say because I can't carry a gun while under a restraining order sweetheart..I'll lose my job. Her attorney immediately says...OK that is off the table. I said as far as retirement..fine..but I get half the houde..she looks at her attorney and he says..he's right. And as far as alimony..Oklahoma is not an Alimony state..especially when shes making as much as me. So her attorney say what are you wanting? I said she can keep the house BUT she stays OUT of my retirement..No alimony...and the standard rate for joint custody. After some back and forth those terms are met. I find out later she didn't want me calling or accidentally coming by the hospital because she had her a boyfriend. Cute. Anyway that was twenty years ago and she's single and the kids still live with her cause they won't get a job. Karmas a bitch hun. But yes...the law is biased towards women in general.

 

[Bladecutter]

64, single always,,,,by my 30's i had seen so many failed marriages, with the courts always biased in the Woman's favor, i knew that i would never marry. Also seeing the constant harranguing by the females in those marriages that did not end in divorce because She would not give a divorce. Freaking tyrrany. I decided that i would never give the power to do that to me to anyone. I've seen marriages of 50 years go down the toilet & it was always the Woman who decided it was over,,,like flipping a light switch.
Today i'm single, cellibate & content. Sure i'd be happy to fall in Love & live with Her, but i will not marry Her. Quite Thankful i never married.