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Good friend of mine just posted this on Facebook. I laughed so hard I had to share it here...
Things I learned this weekend:
1. NEVER grab a floor jack by the front axle. The handle will ALWAYS drop down causing the jack to raise and pinch your fingers. Just don't do it. How much pressure can a floor jack exert? Enough to lift a car.
2. When faced with # 1, don't try to raise the handle back up so you can twist it to release the pressure. It is inevitable that you will let go of the handle and it will pump the jack up even more.
3. When faced with #2, no matter how hard you try to get the attention of your neighbors (or anyone else that may be around), only bats and dogs will be able to hear your screams for help. Now that you are a captive audience, said dog WILL take the opportunity to lick any exposed flesh he can find...and you can do NOTHING about it..
4. When faced with #3, you realize it would have been a better idea to carry your cell phone to where you are working instead of a beer.
5. When faced with #4, 15 minutes with three of your fingers being squeezed into oblivion feels like a lifetime of bad choices.
6. When you finally DO get yourself unstuck, it's time to just leave everything right where it is, Open another beer, soak your hand in ice and rethink your life's choices. It is NOT time to decide to stand on the fender of the boat trailer so you can lean over and hook up the battery charger. Your foot WILL slip off the fender and your ribs WILL find the throttle lever...Stop. Just...stop. Trust me on this one
7. When you are laying on the ground because of #6, wondering if you will ever be able to breath again, repeat #3.
8. When faced with 1-7, don't expect sympathy from your otherwise loving wife. You will get a blank stare followed by the statement "You're 44 years old. You should know better by now."
:toothy10:
Things I learned this weekend:
1. NEVER grab a floor jack by the front axle. The handle will ALWAYS drop down causing the jack to raise and pinch your fingers. Just don't do it. How much pressure can a floor jack exert? Enough to lift a car.
2. When faced with # 1, don't try to raise the handle back up so you can twist it to release the pressure. It is inevitable that you will let go of the handle and it will pump the jack up even more.
3. When faced with #2, no matter how hard you try to get the attention of your neighbors (or anyone else that may be around), only bats and dogs will be able to hear your screams for help. Now that you are a captive audience, said dog WILL take the opportunity to lick any exposed flesh he can find...and you can do NOTHING about it..
4. When faced with #3, you realize it would have been a better idea to carry your cell phone to where you are working instead of a beer.
5. When faced with #4, 15 minutes with three of your fingers being squeezed into oblivion feels like a lifetime of bad choices.
6. When you finally DO get yourself unstuck, it's time to just leave everything right where it is, Open another beer, soak your hand in ice and rethink your life's choices. It is NOT time to decide to stand on the fender of the boat trailer so you can lean over and hook up the battery charger. Your foot WILL slip off the fender and your ribs WILL find the throttle lever...Stop. Just...stop. Trust me on this one
7. When you are laying on the ground because of #6, wondering if you will ever be able to breath again, repeat #3.
8. When faced with 1-7, don't expect sympathy from your otherwise loving wife. You will get a blank stare followed by the statement "You're 44 years old. You should know better by now."
:toothy10:
