Colonoscopy Anybody?

[Runner 68]

So I'm 53. At the annual physical this year the doc put a gun to my head and demanded I have the colonoscopy I was supposed to have at 50. So I did. The prep was the worst part but wasn't all that bad. I show up the next day, get suited up, and am wheeled into the exam room.

I'm laying there, shooting the $hit with the anesthesiologist and this ~30 something drop dead beautiful, blue eyed, brunette, female doctor leans in and says "Hello Mr. Runner, I am Doctor Gorgeous and will be performing your procedure today". (No $hit, really) I'm thinking, "Well if somebody has to probe my @ss it just has well be you".

The next thing I know I wake up in the recovery room. My wife is sitting there. Doctor Gorgeous leans in again and says, "Well Mr. Runner, you have quite a grip!". So in my half drugged mind I say "Why, did I crack your knuckle"? The wife puts her head in her hands in disgust.

Dr. Gorgeous responds with a small chuckle and says, "You grabbed my wrist with your hand on the initial examination" and showed me her bruised wrist. All I could think to say was "So was it good for you?". The wife almost falls out of her chair.

I know you old guys have a story or two, let's here em.

 

[GetX'd]

My stories aren't funny. I'm on the serious side of this topic. Any guy or gal that hasn't had one needs to by age 50 at the latest. I can give you several stories of guys I know that avoided the procedure like the plague. Guess what they may have met Dr. Georgous but she was an Oncologist. Stage 4 colon cancer was the diagnosis. Some lived some didn't. Nothing to fool around with. Plenty of stories we can tell after the procedure is over - I've had 4 of them starting at 45 with severe bleeding. I'm 61 now and still kicking. I don't mean to be a downer - but when you have a forum of men like we have here - it's worth the chance to get others to take the plunge. Get it done it's not a big deal until it is........

 

[monaco66coupe]

I did my first at 60. They thought they knocked me out, but I was awake the whole time. The doc played 60's music, and his opinion of the years they were played wrong. I Informed him that he was not knowledgable about 60's music. The nurse said: is he awake? I said yes, and the camera I'm looking at of what he was doing was Interesting, but The Animals played that song in 1966, not 1969. When done, they told my wife to take me home, I didn't need any recuperation. But, he knew his 60's music!

 

[GetX'd]

Not to be a pain in the *** - so to speak - but I don't want to let this one slide - so to speak. Only because I care.....

 

[Car Nut]

I lost a brother at age 39 to colon cancer and had to have an exam myself every year for last twenty years. When he had his first exam, his Doctor told him not to worry, it's only bleeding hemorrhoids. He died six months later and left two kids under 10 years old.

 

[MT_Mopar]

Agreed, here's another thread on the subject: Get those Check-Ups!

My stories aren't funny. I'm on the serious side of this topic. Any guy or gal that hasn't had one needs to by age 50 at the latest. I can give you several stories of guys I know that avoided the procedure like the plague. Guess what they may have met Dr. Georgous but she was an Oncologist. Stage 4 colon cancer was the diagnosis. Some lived some didn't. Nothing to fool around with. Plenty of stories we can tell after the procedure is over - I've had 4 of them starting at 45 with severe bleeding. I'm 61 now and still kicking. I don't mean to be a downer - but when you have a forum of men like we have here - it's worth the chance to get others to take the plunge. Get it done it's not a big deal until it is........

 

[Donny]

Before the summer's out, I'll be getting mine!

 

[super-bee_ski]

I had mine at 57
Ready for another one

 

[ODZKing]

Had my second a few months ago. Agreed the prep was the worst. The first time the stuff they had me drink was so awful, it nearly made me puke everything up. I complained about it and they gave me different stuff for this one. While not as bad tasting, it was WAY more potent. I was cleaned out for weeks!
All in all it, the procedure is NOT that bad, especially considering the consequences of not having one and finding an issue later. Most treatable kind of cancer as I understand. Git 'er Done!

 

[snakeyes]

there has to be a better way of doing this test :thinker:

 

[patrick66]

I was clubbed like a baby seal throughout the procedure. Waited to 51 to get mine. No polyps or any of that - clean as a newly-paved highway.

 

[Daves69]

Don't be shy, get it done. You never know what your walking around with. In 2010 I had my first colonoscopy and it came up positive stage 2. An MRI after surgery revealed a 4.8 cm aneurism on my ascending aorta and a scope test revealed a crossed artery they couldn't stint. Within three months time I ended up with colon and open heart surgery.

 

[Cranky]

Had my first at 55 and the 2nd back in December and yeah, the prep is the worst part but the 2nd prep wasn't near as bad but they found 5 times the polyps and it took me a few weeks to get back to feeling normal. The first time felt like nothing happened. Anyways, in the recovery room, I was told to let out the extra 'air' so I obliged . My wife just said "you shouldn't tell him that" lol. My wife had her first at 53 and after we told the anesthesiologist that a 1/2 dose was more than plenty for her, they didn't listen and 6 hours after the procedure, she was still loopy as hell. I told them we wanted to go home because at least she can be miserable in her own bed. She was pissed and said no more. I will try and talk her into doing it again....

 

[ODZKing]

My supervisor said he wanted pictures. I sent these.
I told him everything went well, but they seemed to misplace one of the nurses during the procedure, LOL!

 

[Moparsmitty]

I've had a couple of them over the years and if given the choice use the prep solution called Suprep. It's not nearly as nasty as the old stuff and you don't have to drink so much. After my last procedure the Doc told me that I have the colon of a twenty year old. I'm not sure what he meant by that?????..... Just have it done, It can save your life.

 

[Roger63]

I had my first one in 2005 after I sick and almost died . The guy put me to sleep and I woke up while the doc was probing around. They tell me I started kicking trying to get out before they put me back out. Clean, Wichita was a huge relief as colon cancer is in my family. Get checked Please

 

[patrick66]

Screw that nonsense they give you before a colonoscopy! Try sugar-free Haribo Gummi Bears, instead! A dozen will taste real good, but they'll put you on the toilet and make you empty from top to bottom in minutes! Read the reviews on Amazon.com - they are some of the funniest things you are ever going to read! An example below the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-...082861&sr=8-1&keywords=sugar+free+gummy+bears


Size: 5 pound It was my first deployment and I had been missing a lot of stuff from the states. I could get gummi bears at the PX here but not sugar free, and with the army weight regulations I try to keep my snacking healthy. Thus, when I saw a 5 lb bag of sugar free gummies I couldn't help but putting the order in. The gummies shipped in a varily fast manner and I was relieved to notice that non of the gummies appeared to have melted or been damaged in anyway. When I got the bag I was somewhat shocked, seeing for the first time how much 5 lbs of gummie bears actually is. I knew there would be no way for me to consume them all alone. Luckily, we had a range later that week. I stashed the gummies in my wall locker until the range.
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On the day of the range, we all sat under some camo nets we had put up to protect us from the sun as we waited our turn too qualify. During this time, I broke out the gummies. Everyone was stoked. We all sat around chatting as we ate delicious soft squishy gummies washed down with Rawdatain water. So far, the range had been going smoothly. Soon it was my turn to fire. I was given range 3 and I immediately got into prone as this range starts off from the prone supported position. I adjusted my sand bags and that's when I realized something wasn't right.
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It start with just a gurgle and then a grimacing pain. I could hear the range control over the loud speaker "Firers Prepare to fire-Lock and Load your weapons" GURGLE- the noise was terrible the pain was horrifric. I tried to focus on the target by my vision started to blur and sweat poured into my shooting eye. All the while, "Firers place your selector switch from safe to semi". I could not longer feel my hands they had gone numb. I realized at that moment I had to go and I me GO. An then, "Firers, at this time you may fire your weapons". I didn't move my switch from saftey; even if my hands weren't numb, I wouldn't have trusted myself with a loaded weapon. Now, I had another problem. The range was hot! I heard firing around all around me. I weakly fumbled with my weapon and placed it in a safe position. The range safety came up to me. "Soldier, is there something wrong". The look I gave must have gave said it all. The safety waved his paddle and the call was made. "Seize fire! Seize fire! Seize FIRE!" I was up and looking for relief. Perhaps the other Soldiers stopped firing, buy my colon had just begun. I made rush to the porta johns to find they were all filled up. Of course, I had shared those gummies with at least 10 other troops. The noises coming out of those porta pots will cause PTSD for many years to come. I thought for a second about finding a place out of sight. However, it was futile, I was in the desert you could see for miles all around. Then I remember the nationals had a porta pot and likely no one else knew it was there. It was under the range control tower surrounded by a small fence.
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I rushed, as quickly as possible in my condition, clenching my cheeks and praying to every god I had ever heard of. I made it and found it was unoccupied. I opened the door to find, in my dismay, an Eastern Toilet. I began to take all my gear off in a hurry. Whilst, small amounts of air slipped past my cheeks with a liquid like feel. "Oh gods!" I thought. I clenched tighter ripping my boots off I could tell I would need all my clothing off as this was likely to cause to cause an immense back splash.Finally, disrobed, I allowed the release....it was a clumpy tidal wave of destruction. The smell was nothing of this world. I tried not to vomit as my anus took on a will of it own expeling this sickness from my system. After, I looked down in horrior at the Eastern Toilet realizing there was no way that this was going to drain properly. I accepted defeat at my attempt to clean up the terrible smelly gummie soil and washed myself up with some baby wipes I so mercifully had in my ACU pocket. I put my clothes on and stumbled out of the toilet. As I walked, one of the natives walked by me. I tried to warn him, but he didn't understand. I only heard him cry out "Allah" as he slammed the door walking away from the porta pot looking at me with fear. The eyes telling it all. He couldn't understand how that could have come out of a human being without killing them.
In the end, 10 troops were given saline solution for dehydration from the terrible gummies. Our unit swore a vow of secrecy to never speak of this experience again with one another because of the back flashes that some still have.
Thanks Haribo !

 

[Plymouth63]

Yes I'll have one. Tuesday at 10AM. I hope to be asleep all the time.

 

[Pistol Pete]

I woke up half way through mine. I'm looking at the flat screen and thinking "Huh, looks like corrugated drain pipe."

The nurse hurries over and poof I wake up and hour later, mumbling like a 'tard.

 

[Riverdawg]

Yeah, I turned 50 last September and need to get a physical setup but keep forget about calling for the appt until after they are closed. I will call tomorrow and get things setup. I believe one my neighbors is just recovering from it, but they caught it early and had been keeping track of the something in the blood work for the last couple years. Thanks for the thread and the posts, both serious and the funny ones. It's good to have both sides of it.