fwi
Well-Known Member
> You can retire to Arizona
> where..........
> 1. You are willing to park
> three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
> 2. You've experienced condensation on your
> rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
> 3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and
> never leave town.
> 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
> 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to
> what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at
> 500 degrees.
> 6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot,
> and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to California
> where...
> 1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't
> afford to buy a house.
> 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your
> driveway.
> 3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
> 4. When someone asks you how far something is, you
> tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how
> many miles away it is.
> 5. The four seasons
> are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to New York City
> where...
> 1 You say "the city" and expect
> everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
> 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to
> get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find
> Wisconsin on a map.
> 3. You think Central Park is "nature."
> 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in
> their own language makes you multilingual.
> 5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have
> a car.)
> 6. You think eye contact is an act of
> aggression
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to Minnesota
> where...
> 1. You only have three
> spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
> 2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
> 3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
> 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than
> eight buttons.
> 5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter,
> still winter, and road repair.
> 6. The highest level of criticism is "He is
> different," "She is different," or
> "It was different!"
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to The Deep
> South where...
> 1. You can rent a movie and
> buy bait in the same store.
> 2 "Y'all" is singular and "all
> y'all" is plural.
> 3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
> 4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob,
> Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
> 5. Everything is either: "in
> yonder," "over yonder" or
> "out yonder.”
> 6. You can say anything about
> anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the
> end!
>
>
>
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can move to Colorado
> where...
> 1. You carry your $3,000
> mountain bike atop your $500 car.
> 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way
> home, so he stops at the day care center.
> 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
> 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a
> pony tail.
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to Nebraska
> or Kansas where...
> 1. You've never met any
> celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
> 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to
> pass a tractor.
> 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to
> "A/C" on the same day.
> 4. You end sentences with a preposition;
> "Where's my coat at?"
>
> OR
>
>
> FINALLY you can retire to
> Florida where...
> 1. You eat dinner at 3:15
> in the afternoon.
> 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even
> houses and cars.
> 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist,
> dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
> 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the
> state.
> 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by
> headless people.
> where..........
> 1. You are willing to park
> three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
> 2. You've experienced condensation on your
> rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
> 3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and
> never leave town.
> 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
> 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to
> what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at
> 500 degrees.
> 6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot,
> and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to California
> where...
> 1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't
> afford to buy a house.
> 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your
> driveway.
> 3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
> 4. When someone asks you how far something is, you
> tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how
> many miles away it is.
> 5. The four seasons
> are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to New York City
> where...
> 1 You say "the city" and expect
> everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
> 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to
> get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find
> Wisconsin on a map.
> 3. You think Central Park is "nature."
> 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in
> their own language makes you multilingual.
> 5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have
> a car.)
> 6. You think eye contact is an act of
> aggression
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to Minnesota
> where...
> 1. You only have three
> spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
> 2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
> 3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
> 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than
> eight buttons.
> 5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter,
> still winter, and road repair.
> 6. The highest level of criticism is "He is
> different," "She is different," or
> "It was different!"
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to The Deep
> South where...
> 1. You can rent a movie and
> buy bait in the same store.
> 2 "Y'all" is singular and "all
> y'all" is plural.
> 3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
> 4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob,
> Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
> 5. Everything is either: "in
> yonder," "over yonder" or
> "out yonder.”
> 6. You can say anything about
> anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the
> end!
>
>
>
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can move to Colorado
> where...
> 1. You carry your $3,000
> mountain bike atop your $500 car.
> 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way
> home, so he stops at the day care center.
> 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
> 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a
> pony tail.
>
>
> OR
>
>
> You can retire to Nebraska
> or Kansas where...
> 1. You've never met any
> celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
> 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to
> pass a tractor.
> 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to
> "A/C" on the same day.
> 4. You end sentences with a preposition;
> "Where's my coat at?"
>
> OR
>
>
> FINALLY you can retire to
> Florida where...
> 1. You eat dinner at 3:15
> in the afternoon.
> 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even
> houses and cars.
> 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist,
> dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
> 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the
> state.
> 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by
> headless people.
