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I get disappointed a lot...

When my wife died somebody told me "God has a new plan for you"! It helped. Then the next year I got laid off. My question was Is this the new plan or the New New plan? At almost 74 when I wake up in the morning I still marvel that I have when so many who are younger have passed! I still have another 20 years to beat my dad! His philosophy was: when he met you, you were a new friend. You had to prove to him you weren't. He was a Semi-Pro entertainer. You were also a new audience!
 
Ed, like you, many of us have battle scars and have seen and survived some serious **** life has and continues to throw at us, some people have no clue what we've seen.

I too have the scars since l was 6 after losing my mom. It's been a life full of challenges and l'm amazed l didn't somehow end up in the gutter addicted to drugs or alcohol. I have been blessed with a guardian angel and the Lords guidence.

I was blessed to have met my best friend in 7th grade who also traveled a similar path l traveled. His friendship to this day is a saving grace.

I've also been blessed with a wonderful wife and in-laws, 2 amazing sons who I'm so proud of the men they are becoming.

This forum and hobby is also a wonderful place to decompress from the days challenges.

Keep fighting the good fight brother!
 
Would that I could, brother. Afraid I'm not wired like that and all attempts to adjust to such a state have failed.
Guess that's another self-disappointment. :)
I should say that’s just a fact, not advice.

I don’t think we are here to be happy. I would say usefulness is more like it. Did you have a positive effect on the world around you? If so you deserve to rest.

Like you, no one has disappointed me more than myself. But I think I’ve been useful so I will keep doing that.
 
Ed, I dont know you so I was hesitant to add here because I don't like discussing what I've survived.

These are the words I live by take em or leave em. I added a picture of what I got for my birthday a month ago. I'm only 57.

Only I can give myself grace or peace. You cant believe in self determination and also expect God to magically fix things. If you can't pray to give thanks, don't expect a callback. Only I can give others grace or peace too.

Life is like eating a whale with a toothpick. You can either get to eating or starve while you bitch about not having a fork or spoon.

Lastly, only a jackass says that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And usually that jackass hasn't suffered enough (see above about grace)

20250717_152722.jpg
 
I hear ya Ed .. and have been here long enough to know your journey.

As to the "grow a set a crowd", sit in the corner of you Daughter's hospital room for 6 years and get back to me! Go F yourself...
 
When I was a lot younger, just built a house, raising a family and working long hours, I was disappointed. I wanted to make more money to have some of the finer things in life, not just enough to make ends meet. Less qualified people that worked around me were making much more money. Friends and people I knew were doing the same. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't make any extra. When I did, something came about and took it away like I wasn't supposed to have it. It really starting getting under my skin. Then one day as I was in deep thought about it a voice came into my head that said "Just be Content".

I started looking at life a little different. I became content with where I was in my life. Things didn't bother me as much. When I needed extra money to fix something or replace a vehicle or appliance, out of nowhere the money came forth. Nothing extra, just enough to keep me going.

Getting older has been the same with being able to do the things I used to do. Just being content with myself and just learning to pace myself a little different seems to help. The last fifteen years or so I've been dealing with more pain than ever. Some days I can do what I want, some days I have to take a break and just wait until I'm feeling better. I'm in no hurry, I'm thankful that I'm still able to do what I want, just not always when I can. I'm content.
 
Anything I can do for you Ed, just let me know.
As always, I am in your debt my friend. Thank you.

Ed, I dont know you so I was hesitant to add here because I don't like discussing what I've survived.

These are the words I live by take em or leave em. I added a picture of what I got for my birthday a month ago. I'm only 57.

Only I can give myself grace or peace. You cant believe in self determination and also expect God to magically fix things. If you can't pray to give thanks, don't expect a callback. Only I can give others grace or peace too.

Life is like eating a whale with a toothpick. You can either get to eating or starve while you bitch about not having a fork or spoon.

Lastly, only a jackass says that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And usually that jackass hasn't suffered enough (see above about grace)

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Mercy. I gots me some cool scars too - that if added up might compete with yours?
Yeah, there's no "stronger" with this life-threatening crap - there's only how much it has taken out of you, honestly.
All that "accelerated aging" stuff they insist on reminding me of, for the last dozen years now - keep in mind, the
prognosis was for no more than 10, so what the fluck do they know eh? :)
Nonetheless, the prognosis is now in full effect finally and it's a very vivid, tangible thing to witness how quickly my
own remaining battery life is waning. It used to freak me out a bit - anymore though, not so much.

I hear ya Ed .. and have been here long enough to know your journey.

As to the "grow a set a crowd", sit in the corner of you Daughter's hospital room for 6 years and get back to me! Go F yourself...
God love ya man, I witnessed my father as my little brother passed on back in 1998 - so I can only imagine...

As much as I've witnessed most of my own family pass before me, watching my dad suffering the loss of his
child was absolutely heart-wrenching. A very proud and modest man, reduced to a level of mourning like I'd never
witnessed; I felt utterly helpless but dutifully did my best to support him, all the while caving in internally myself
over the loss.

These days, the inevitable question of "why, out of all of us, am I the last standing?" is most puzzling.
Makes no sense to me at all - unless it simply boils down to the rest being ready and me - well, not being ready.
I dunno...

When I was a lot younger, just built a house, raising a family and working long hours, I was disappointed. I wanted to make more money to have some of the finer things in life, not just enough to make ends meet. Less qualified people that worked around me were making much more money. Friends and people I knew were doing the same. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't make any extra. When I did, something came about and took it away like I wasn't supposed to have it. It really starting getting under my skin. Then one day as I was in deep thought about it a voice came into my head that said "Just be Content".

I started looking at life a little different. I became content with where I was in my life. Things didn't bother me as much. When I needed extra money to fix something or replace a vehicle or appliance, out of nowhere the money came forth. Nothing extra, just enough to keep me going.

Getting older has been the same with being able to do the things I used to do. Just being content with myself and just learning to pace myself a little different seems to help. The last fifteen years or so I've been dealing with more pain than ever. Some days I can do what I want, some days I have to take a break and just wait until I'm feeling better. I'm in no hurry, I'm thankful that I'm still able to do what I want, just not always when I can. I'm content.
John, you've been an inspiration and a good friend to me and I am very grateful for that.
Beyond these infernal cars, we can chat for hours about any number of subjects like we've known each other forever
and I have learned over the decades that it is a very rare thing indeed to find.

You are further at an advantage here in that you already know what's eating at me these days - and can therefore
deduce the point of my posting this little pseudo-prose today.
You also know therefore that it isn't what it first appears to be - and that I haven't given up at all, nor am I griping.
As Greg said, there's more afoot than meets the eye and I wonder if anyone else can figure out what it is?
If not, I'll follow up one day soon with perhaps another post that helps explain. :thumbsup:
 
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
- Albert Einstein
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and getting different results."
- Test Engineer

"Insanity: doing different things over and over and getting the same results."
- Voters

Maybe related: Reference: "Murphy's Laws" and the Harvard Speculative Society
....editors as well as laboratory workers are subject to Murphy's Laws, to
wit:
I. If something can go wrong, it will.
II. When left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.
III. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
--SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, April 1956, pg. 166, col. 2.

ASTOUNDING SCIENCE-FICTION published the first science fiction story
titled "Murphy's Law" (in 1958), but some other "laws" that they published
are also interesting. An article titled "The Laws of Speculation" was
published September 1952, pp. 6+.
This is from ASTOUNDING SCIENCE FICTION, July 1953, pg. 151:

THE THREE LAWS OF STUPIDYNAMICS
First Stupidity Theorem: The probability of predicting correctly in total
ignorance is zero.
Second Stupidity Theorem: The only thing you can learn is something you
don't know.
Third Stupidity Theorem: You can't tell a man something he doesn't
understand and expect him to make use of it.
Thanks to Dr. Wayne Batteau,
Harvard Speculative Society

This is from ASTOUNDING SCIENCE-FICTION, November 1953, pg. 8, col. 1:

I suggest that there are some laws of ethics that are not human, but
Universal. Wayne Batteau and his Speculative Society group at Harvard sent
me one little pair of statements that are decidedly revealing in that respect.
"You can't win." (The Law of Conservation of Energy.)
"You can't even break even." (Second Law of Thermodynamics.)

The Article seems to drop the last part:
"You can't get out of the game." (Third Law of Thermodynamics.)
 
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If it was real easy and came in a bottle, everyone would have it. It doesn't work that way, unfortunately. Everyone here has a story and those that are here a lot, have a bigger story. Like you, I enjoyed writing, it's was healthy. I wrote a book once about my life and I never really thought much about life, until it was my turn in the pickle barrel and so that's where I started. It's incredible how dark life can be if you break it down to an event or a time and if allowed, it can bring it all down around you. Easy to say and I don't have that magic pill. I know one thing about it that I find hard to understand, he has a plan for us and many of us will help the rest with this plan by giving some of us up as an example of how to work with adversity. That sounds fair, not. Life changes everyday and like with you, some of it doesn't make sense. I was told yesterday that I posted a video in the wrong place, by a member that sent me a PM. I deleted all my posts in that thread, why, because it's his thread and if it was really no big deal, why send me a PM. Real world problems that help make me realize none of it matters. I'm getting more like that everyday and I understand what's really important. Keep your head up they say, or keep it down so you don't take another hit, pick your poison. LOL. My hope is that by writing all that you did, tomorrow may be a little better for you.

My book, when I was done I went back and read it. After reading a page, I deleted it till I was done. It didn't change my life physically, but man was it a cleansing. We didn't get this far in life being weak, being weak or strong has nothing to do with it. To the rest, what Wayne said.
 
Y'see, you get disappointed a lot because you're an "optimist". I, on the other hand, am a pessimist. I think everything is going to turn out like ****. So when it does, which is usually the case, I'm not disappointed. However, when things don't turn out like **** I'm overjoyed. So in a nutshell, I'm rarely disappointed and occasionally very happy. I love being an pessimist!
 
I gotta say, sometimes it helps to be a little crazy too when **** goes wrong.

for example when they told me the small benign spot from 2 years ago had grown to a 7x7cm mass and entagled with my thymus, thyroid and sub vena cava. The thoracic surgeon said he'd need to consult with other drs because he'd never seen anything like it in 25 years.

I was shocked and my first statement was, well make sure you spell my name right in the white paper. 3 seconds later my wife called me a dumbass. It was a thymoma, so I named it Jason Thymoma. Jason for Friday 13th because he was always trying to kill folks, and Jason Mamoa because it rhymed with thymoma.

See crazy helps
 
In about 6 weeks come out to my place. Hang out for a while and we'll drive all over Colorado. It's hard to be disappointed in the majestic beauty of the mountains as the Aspens change color. People can disappoint you but not nature.

This sounds a little simplistic but think about the vastness of the universe. How lucky we are to be one the one planet that has life (as far as we know) Then we are the one species on this planet to be self aware. How this moment in time we are lucky to have everything we need within an easy grasp. What are the odds of having all the gifts we enjoy?
 
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I didn't ask for any examples, but thanks for the "participation" anyways...
(You might want to actually read #4, by the way - I beat

I was not offering any EXAMPLES. What I WAS doing is trying to offer some levity to your post as is sounds rather grim. You obviously didn’t see it that way.
I don’t know you like it appears some others here do.
Not knowing you , your post resembled a poem or quote from someone notable . after reading more posts I see you are in a bad way health wise.
Please don’t take my “ participation “ as making fun of your post.
As I said , it’s my nature to try and put a positive spin on negative stuff. It rarely has ever backfired on me, but it looks like it did this time.
It’s possible that I didn’t take your post as anything serious because it’s not something I would post to a forum full of unknown (to me)folks Having said that , I can see it was a good way to get the message out to your group of friends here.
 
Ed,
You have a way with words that very few people possess. Reading anything from you on his site has always made my day in one way or another. It seems that as I age & go through more pain & disappointments, I somehow find a kind of comfort in your posts that helps me to persevere and keep a more positive outlook on life; even as my own health seems to be waning. So, I just want to thank you for the intended & unintended ways your posts have brought me a better way of seeing things in many ways & on many levels. Whatever is coming in the future, just know that you have had a very positive effect on an untold number of folks in your life as well as my own outlook and I am sure many others can echo my sentiments. Much like the words spoken in that Star Trek movie from Captain Kirk about Spock "You were the most HUMAN!" May the rest of your days, however many, be filled with comfort and contentment. Thank you & God Bess You!
-Brian
 
When I wake up in the morning I know its a good day.
When I glance across at my lovely wife of 25 years I know I am so blessed.
When I walk across my air conditioned house and open my fridge with food in it I feel so lucky.
When my son sent me a video of my 4 year old grand daughter swinging sideways and giggling my heart was so full.
When I think about the miracle of this day and age where I can connect with like minded friends across the WORLD, I am so thankful.
I just finished reading The Rifle about world war II vets, and although the world is far from perfect its no where near the horror of that age. I am so grateful.
I expect things to go right, and if they don't I'll find out why and try to fix them.
I've had so many disappointments in my life. Family, friends, associates. I've been robbed more time than I care to count. and been cheated by the government and short changed by the police.
I will be the first to admit i've made some bad mistakes, but I never made them twice.
When life starts to get me down, I go to the top of the list.
God Bless
 
Ed, I dont know you so I was hesitant to add here because I don't like discussing what I've survived.

These are the words I live by take em or leave em. I added a picture of what I got for my birthday a month ago. I'm only 57.

Only I can give myself grace or peace. You cant believe in self determination and also expect God to magically fix things. If you can't pray to give thanks, don't expect a callback. Only I can give others grace or peace too.

Life is like eating a whale with a toothpick. You can either get to eating or starve while you bitch about not having a fork or spoon.

Lastly, only a jackass says that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And usually that jackass hasn't suffered enough (see above about grace)

View attachment 1905615

prayers for you !!
 
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