Anything I can do for you Ed, just let me know.
As always, I am in your debt my friend. Thank you.
Ed, I dont know you so I was hesitant to add here because I don't like discussing what I've survived.
These are the words I live by take em or leave em. I added a picture of what I got for my birthday a month ago. I'm only 57.
Only I can give myself grace or peace. You cant believe in self determination and also expect God to magically fix things. If you can't pray to give thanks, don't expect a callback. Only I can give others grace or peace too.
Life is like eating a whale with a toothpick. You can either get to eating or starve while you bitch about not having a fork or spoon.
Lastly, only a jackass says that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And usually that jackass hasn't suffered enough (see above about grace)
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Mercy. I gots me some cool scars too - that if added up might compete with yours?
Yeah, there's no "stronger" with this life-threatening crap - there's only how much it has taken out of you, honestly.
All that "accelerated aging" stuff they insist on reminding me of, for the last dozen years now - keep in mind, the
prognosis was for no more than 10, so what the fluck do they know eh?
Nonetheless, the prognosis is now in full effect finally and it's a very vivid, tangible thing to witness how quickly my
own remaining battery life is waning. It used to freak me out a bit - anymore though, not so much.
I hear ya Ed .. and have been here long enough to know your journey.
As to the "grow a set a crowd", sit in the corner of you Daughter's hospital room for 6 years and get back to me! Go F yourself...
God love ya man, I witnessed my father as my little brother passed on back in 1998 - so I can only imagine...
As much as I've witnessed most of my own family pass before me, watching my dad suffering the loss of his
child was absolutely heart-wrenching. A very proud and modest man, reduced to a level of mourning like I'd never
witnessed; I felt utterly helpless but dutifully did my best to support him, all the while caving in internally myself
over the loss.
These days, the inevitable question of "why, out of all of us, am I the last standing?" is most puzzling.
Makes no sense to me at all - unless it simply boils down to the rest being ready and me - well, not being ready.
I dunno...
When I was a lot younger, just built a house, raising a family and working long hours, I was disappointed. I wanted to make more money to have some of the finer things in life, not just enough to make ends meet. Less qualified people that worked around me were making much more money. Friends and people I knew were doing the same. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't make any extra. When I did, something came about and took it away like I wasn't supposed to have it. It really starting getting under my skin. Then one day as I was in deep thought about it a voice came into my head that said "Just be Content".
I started looking at life a little different. I became content with where I was in my life. Things didn't bother me as much. When I needed extra money to fix something or replace a vehicle or appliance, out of nowhere the money came forth. Nothing extra, just enough to keep me going.
Getting older has been the same with being able to do the things I used to do. Just being content with myself and just learning to pace myself a little different seems to help. The last fifteen years or so I've been dealing with more pain than ever. Some days I can do what I want, some days I have to take a break and just wait until I'm feeling better. I'm in no hurry, I'm thankful that I'm still able to do what I want, just not always when I can. I'm content.
John, you've been an inspiration and a good friend to me and I am very grateful for that.
Beyond these infernal cars, we can chat for hours about any number of subjects like we've known each other forever
and I have learned over the decades that it is a very rare thing indeed to find.
You are further at an advantage here in that you already know what's eating at me these days - and can therefore
deduce the point of my posting this little pseudo-prose today.
You also know therefore that it isn't what it first appears to be - and that I haven't given up at all, nor am I griping.
As Greg said, there's more afoot than meets the eye and I wonder if anyone else can figure out what it is?
If not, I'll follow up one day soon with perhaps another post that helps explain.
