Ahhhhhh Johnny...

[Ironbuilt]

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

 

[Ironbuilt]

One day little Johnny's neighbor was washing dishes and saw little Johnny out the window sitting on the steps.

She saw him eat a jelly bean, bite the cats tail and move down a step.

She continued to watch him and he did it again (eat a jelly bean, bite the cat's tail and move down a step).

When curiosity got the best of her, she went across the street and asked little Johnny what he was doing.

He said "I'm playing truck driver".

She asked him "Well Johnny what does that mean?"

He said "I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving on!"

 

[Ironbuilt]

Little Johnny awoke one night to hear strange noises coming from his parents bedroom. When he opened the door his dad was on his mom naked . He said"Dad what are you and mom doing? His dad told him "I'm parking my car in yours mom's garage. Go back to bed."

Well the next day, the girl next door came over to play with johnny. He said " I have a new game for us to play." what's it called the girl replied . It's called parking the car . Wanna try it he said. Sure said the little girl.

Well Johnny tells her how to play and they get off to a good start. A few minutes later all you can here is little Johnny screaming . His mom rushes into the room and says" what the hell is going on here? . The girl tries her best to explain. She said "You see we were playing park the car and johnny got his car all most all the way in. The back tires wouldnt fit so I cut them off!

 

[Ironbuilt]

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY **** my pants..."

 

[BB BELLA]

the teacher asked her students to make up a sentence with the word "ozonol"
Mary "I cut my finger and applied some ozonol to help it heal"
Susie " I fell and scraped my knee,ozonol made it feel better!
Little Johny "Dad and I were watching the hcokey game and mom came in the room with the vacuum,dad told her to shut that god damn thing off or he's shove it up her ***, OZONAL!

 

[kencarrie]

Teacher tells all her students please stand up & tell the class what your father does for a living.
Each student goes through the normal routine except Little Johnny.
When everyone is done the teacher tells Little Johnnie I need to see you after class.
So the teacher gets Little Johnnie alone and asks Little Johnnie why he didn't stand up like everyone else to tell what his father does for a living.
Little Johnnie tears up a bit and says. "Sorry my father died."
The teacher apologizes and says "I'm sorry, but what did he do before he died."
Little Johnnie replies "He turned blue and **** on the rug."

 

[BB BELLA]

Little johny is at the mall and loses his grandfather!
the mall cop tells him to "stay put and I'll look for him".
He asks little johny "what does your grampa like so I might know where to look"
little johny replies "whiskey and blondes with big tits"

 

[Ironbuilt]

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "**** this," "**** that."
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest."
Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Well tell him to get the **** out and push!"

 

[Ironbuilt]

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman.
"The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

 

[Ironbuilt]

Little Johnny was late for class
As he walked into the classroom the teacher said
“why are you late again Johnny”.
Well, on the way to class my dad said “can you put the cart on the horse”.
“The cart was at the top of the hill and the horse was at the bottom so I tried to move the cart down the hill but lost control and one of the arms of the cart went straight up the horses arse”.
The teacher was shocked at Jonny’s language and quickly correctted him.
“Rectum Johnny… rectum”.
“Wrecked him? It dam near fuckin killed him.

 

[Ironbuilt]

A Little Johnny went to sit on Santa's lap, and Santa asked him what he wanted
for Christmas.

Little Johnny answered, "A damn swingset in the backyard."

"Excuse me?" said Santa.

"I want a damn swingset in my backyard," repeated Little Johnny.

Santa said, "You'll have to ask nicer if you want Santa to bring you something.
Let's try again. What else do you want?"

Little Johnny answered, "A damn sandbox for the side yard."

"You have to ask politely! One more time. What else do you want for Christmas?"

Little Johnny thought for a minute, then said, "I want a damn trampoline in
the front yard."

Santa sighed and set Little Johnny off his lap. "I'm sorry son, I can't give
anything to someone who talks like you do. I'm not bringing you anything for
Christmas."

Santa then called Johnny's parents over and told them what had happened. They
apologized profusely, saying they didn't understand why he talked like that,
and they had been trying to break him of the habit with no luck.

"I know how to stop it," Santa said. "Don't get him anything for Christmas.
Just get some dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the
swingset, another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another
pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline. That will break him of
it."

The parents agreed.

Christmas morning the kid heads downstairs to open their presents. Johnny runs
out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door,
looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door, looks around, and
comes back in, looking upset.

"What's wrong, son?" asked his father. "What did Santa bring you?"

Little Johnny answered, "He brought me a damn dog, but I can't find him!"

 

[Ironbuilt]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his mom, “Of course not.” Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

 

[Ironbuilt]

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

 

[Ironbuilt]

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.” “Of course it is.” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

 

[Ironbuilt]

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!” Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

 

[Ironbuilt]

Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?” Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?” He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”

 

[Ironbuilt]

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby.” The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?

 

[Ironbuilt]

Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?” Johnny: “A new bike”.

 

[Ironbuilt]

Teacher: “Johnny, I told you to write out this poem at least ten times to improve your handwriting. You’ve done it only eight times.” Johnny: “Looks like my counting isn’t too good either.”

 

[Ironbuilt]

A man was driving down the street when he saw little Johnny with a fireman’s hat on sitting in a little red wagon being pulled by a black lab. He thought, ‘this has to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve got to stop and talk to this little boy.’ He got out, looked and said “Son, that sure is a nice fire engine you’ve got there but, don’t you think he would pull a little better if you had that rope tied around his neck instead of his balls?” Johnny looked at him and said, “Well, I guess he’d pull better but, then I wouldn’t have a siren!”