Bicyclist Wants To Be Treated Like A Car But Also Be Able To Just Kinda Break The Rules When He Wants To

[Richard Cranium]

Aug 25, 2023

SEATTLE, WA — In a statement delivered to a line of 100 drivers who had been stuck behind him for the past 3 hours, local bicyclist Florian Skuzz said that he wants to be treated just like a car on the road, but also to just kinda be able to break the rules whenever he wants to.

"I'm an important bicyclist deserving your respect, and should be granted all the rights and privileges of a car at all times!" said Skuzz to the parade of honking automobiles behind him. "But also, I don't carry insurance for when I cause an accident and would like to disregard traffic lights and signs whenever I want. It is my divine right! NOW STARE AT MY SPANDEXED BUTT FOR THE NEXT 30 MILES AND LIKE IT!"

The man then continued riding directly in the middle of the road at 15 miles per hour even though the speed limit was 65.

Sources say Skuzz then ran three traffic lights and stopped once to adjust his GoPro for the next video on his YouTube channel in which he posts videos about being an insufferable bicyclist. "I am saving the planet with this bike!" he yelled to the cars behind him. "RESPECT ME!"

At publishing time, Skuzz had been seen locking up his bike on a bench not designed for the purpose and entering his favorite Communist vegan bakery.

 

[68BabyBlue]

These goofs are a plague in my college town. Got behind one the other day doing the middle of the road deal, which was exponentially infuriating in light of the elaborate paved bike path running parallel to the road.

 

[beanhead]

That's bullshit. I log more miles on a bike in a year than most musclecar owners drive their cars, and yeah I might be considered a 'vehicle' but that does NOT mean I have the right ride in the way of or impede traffic, and I don't. It's just stupid. I kinda prefer making it home safely...
Out here, they'll be cited if an officer sees them doing that crap.
Bike lane, no bike lane, whatever....we're expected to stay to the right as far as is safe. Why these guys feel they can disrupt and irritate the traffic is beyond me.

 

[68BabyBlue]

That's bullshit. I log more miles on a bike in a year than most musclecar owners drive their cars, and yeah I might be considered a 'vehicle' but that does NOT mean I have the right ride in the way of or impede traffic, and I don't. It's just stupid. I kinda prefer making it home safely...
Out here, they'll be cited if an officer sees them doing that crap.
Bike lane, no bike lane, whatever....we're expected to stay to the right as far as is safe. Why these guys feel they can disrupt and irritate the traffic is beyond me.

Up until I got my driver's license, I did the same. On the roads I traveled, I don't think I would have made it past 16 if I hadn't followed the rules of the road. And in that era, bike paths were non existent in State College.

 

[wahya]

Sounds scuzzy.

 

[RemCharger]

In our city the current mayor got elected for pushing bike lanes.
Unfortunately he will forever go down in history as " bike lane charlie"

 

[Hey-O]

At one time it was, drive with the traffic on the shoulder. Then it was against the traffic on the shoulder. On the sidewalk and now we have bridges just for bikes that cross our highways. "I'm an important bicyclist deserving your respect". That one would cost him, maybe it's time for them to pay road taxes like I do. Did I tell you they have their own bridges....................... LOL

 

[KiwiKid72]

Every hood needs one these days.

 

[PlymCrazy]

We have pedestrians in our area that behave very similarly. Think they own the road and can cross whenever and wherever they feel like. And at whatever speed they choose…
It’s very entertaining to hear mama express her sentiments when she observes that behavior when she’s behind the wheel lol.

 

[RemCharger]

We have pedestrians in our area that behave very similarly. Think they own the road and can cross whenever and wherever they feel like. And at whatever speed they choose…
It’s very entertaining to hear mama express her sentiments when she observes that behavior when she’s behind the wheel lol.

Yep weez got the same brand of mama

 

[Scott Engelhardt]

Highways are not bike trails. I worry one day I will come over a hill on the highway and hit a bicycle. I have had several close calls with runners and bikes. One of the bike near misses the bike was on the road and there is a bike trail right next to the road!!!

 

[Southbranch]

I ride both bike path and a road bike, I try to stay out of the way of cars and ride the most obscure roads I can find. But because of the rude behavior of other cyclists some drivers still come dangerously close to me when they don't have to.

 

[Triplegreen500]

I cycle, and I make it a point to stay OFF the roads as much as I can. My daily loop is 5.6 miles; I have a half mile down to a decommissioned Army base, where I do the bulk of my ride, then I have about a mile and a half return on the road (the half mile is STRAIGHT downhill - 45mph - so I take a longer, around-the-hill way to get home instead of grinding up that slope!). Downhill, I'm with traffic because I'm actually breaking the speed limit. Back, I'm riding against traffic so we can all see each other coming and adjust as needed.

But, I understand physics. I know I'm nothing but a hood ornament, or a speed bump, if I decide to argue with a car. I spend a lot of time on my motorcycle, too - I'm very used to being the target, and I ride any of my 2 wheel vehicles accordingly.

 

[Black_Sheep]

I watched a cyclist fly through the air like Superman when he ran a red light while folks were making a left turn on a green arrow. When he t-boned a car, the bike launched him like a catapult, the landing was not very graceful.

 

[Budnicks]

There's rules of the road for a reason

 

[Roadcuda]

He wants respect? He ain't gonna get it doing dumb chit that, he's gonna get the exact opposite!

 

[kiwigtx]

We have large groups of lycra-wearing fags out on Sunday mornings in all parts of the city. They cycle for about 2-3 hours hogging entire lanes, then all congregate messily at a Cafe to drink their vegan wheat-grass malted grass clippings and munch on tofu biscuits.

 

[QuickBpBp]

Babylon Bee?

 

[POMONAMISSEL]

well this kind of bike traffic is asseptible

 

[Ron H]

Cyclists who take the road as if in a car are either plain stupid or assume everyone will see them. I say the former and latter cuz they’re still dumb. And add they should wear some hi-viz attire. World of difference when you can see them easier with some safety wear. I had issues with cataracts as a bunch of older people do. Scary adjusting to light and shade, not to forget people distracted with phones, maybe sun-glare, filthy windshield, and of course, driving too fast. All sorts a stuff that can kill a cyclist. Some seem to have a death wish they don't know about..